Is this normal or am I just a crap housewife

[AlistairandAnna]

2 DC (4 and 2yrs old) and whilst I just about manage to keep on top of the dishes, washing and clear away toys at the end of the day, my flat is far from clean. The sofa covers need washing, the furniture has sticky hand prints on it and need a wipe down, the bedding could definitely be changed more frequently and let's not talk about the bathroom. Is this normal or am I a crap housewife? I genuinely cannot find the energy or time to do all this in between looking after the DC, making meals, the school run and the basic housework I already do!

You're not a 'crap' housewife. On one hand I think you can relax standards when you have little children, but on the other hand, why would you be okay with sticky handprints? Exactly how long do they need to wipe down?
I think it's easy to feel overwhelm. Why not choose one 'extra' task to complete every couple of days - the type you don't need to do as often as the others eg. washing the sofa covers. Or clean the bathroom quickly when you go in to brush your teeth, so it isn't a 'special job', you're just keeping it clean as you're going along.
You're doing a hard job already....you'll hardly notice a few extra things added in!

Try a cleaning schedule :) I allocate 1 room per day plus basic everyday jobs (mainly dishes)
So for example:
Monday: our room
Tuesday: DD room
Wednesday: living room
Thursday: kitchen
Friday: bathroom
Saturday: hallway and catch up (any jobs I think need redoing or didn't get chance to do)
Sunday: RELAX! And enjoy some family time

I've got 2 under 3 and my house isn't the tidiest. I keep more or less on top of washing, putting toys away, bathrooms, keeping the kitchen clean etc.... but struggle to find the time (or inclination) to wash sofa covers, skirting boards etc

If you are a crap housewife, then so am I!

I'm the same. Try the Team tomm app, it gives you jobs to do each day which you can tick off. A bit of structure and being told what to do each day really helps me. I can see very significant improvements in the cleanliness of my home since I started using it!

I hear you OP. I have small kids and find I can get back up to zero as in washing done, floors hoovered, dishes etc but I can’t ever do any of the extras. I feel like I am working so hard for pretty much no results!! But I have to tell myself it would be a hell of a lot worse if I didn’t do what I do!

I can just about keep up with the basics. I’ve got a cleaner once every few weeks for the extras that I never get done.

Assuming you’re living with the children’s father, it’s not just your job to do the housework!

Housekeeping with two small children is like trying to paint the Forth Bridge with Banksy following you around.

As long as the environment is clean enough and your DCs aren't going to die from licking something, you're winning.

Maybe try and cut some of it off at the pass, only allow food at a table. Or only messy food anyway!

My aim was to get the dishes done in a day and and one bit of washing, so either put a load away OR do some. Not both. That was all I managed.

You've got two tinies, cut yourself some slack.

There are things I didn't even knew you could clean before I had kids. I waste spend a lot of my life cleaning the walls etc. Who knew you needed to clean walls? Still, there is always laundry to do, a film of stickiness or dirt that forms like a trail after my kids and a funky smell in their bedroom I can never get rid of but is basically farts and feet. I spend my life flinging open windows, wiping things, washing things, etc.

Before kids it would just never get that bad. Even after a party, the mess and bodily fluids were quickly cleanable. With kids it's like the stickiness and mess gets into the plaster and the underlay of the carpets, under the floorboards and in the plumbing and under every side board and light fitting, in every nook and cranny and crevice of the house, Under my nails and under my skin and in my pores even. It's a constant battle to keep that film of grimness from forming.

Just think of your death bed. Do you want to be lying there looking back on your life and say "I spent my life making sure my curtains were steamed every Sunday". Balls to that!

If you're at home all the time yea you would hopefully be able to keep on top of it. Or pay someone to.

@TankGirl97 I've downloaded the organised mum method, but I'm really struggling to fit in the time to do the jobs! I'd have to be up at the crack of dawn and cleaning once dc in bed until my own bedtime to fit it all in. I'm just so busy with 3 dc, and just manage to get the basics done. How do you fit it in?

@Gingernaut 😂😂
I’ve got a 3 yo and a two month old and find laundry, a v quick hoover and cooking / keeping kitchen clean and tidy takes up a lot / most of my time. I am trying to do one small ‘extra’ a day but often totally fail. Agree if they’re safe and the house is under control that’s all that matters.

@Thisismytimetoshine

You've got two tinies, cut yourself some slack.

This. In spades!! Cut yourself some slack OP. 💐

I love the comment about Bansky! Seriously, you sound like you are doing fine. Children don’t remember growing up In a spotless or dirty home, but do remember having fun and being loved. You have years to come when your children have grown up and left home to have a spotless house if that is what you want, but for now enjoy your children and have fun with them. You don’t get these years back

Are you a single parent? If theres another adult around can't they do it?

I totally agree with Cut yourself some slack, it is hard work and things are not perfect.

One thing I did find that helped me, was changing how I viewed cleaning. So pre kids, I always cleaned th ehouse from top to bottom on one day, and then the house was clean. and then I didn't clean again for ages
But post kids I realised that I can't do that. So I try and do bits as I go round. I also realise that certain things make me feel as if I am in control. So, clear stuff off coffee table, and wipe off crumbs, I feel better.
I used to clean the bathroom while kids are in bath. Clean my own shower when I get in/out, only takes 5 minutes. And so on, gradually everywhere does get cleaned.

With kids it's like the stickiness and mess gets into the plaster and the underlay of the carpets, under the floorboards and in the plumbing and under every side board and light fitting, in every nook and cranny and crevice of the house, Under my nails and under my skin and in my pores even.

Sooo true

BUT, we only had snacks and drinks at kitchen table. No spills/crumbs/sweets or sticky stuff on the sofas etc, really helps.

I know MN adores a cheesy poem, so here's one for you,

"I hope my children look back on today
And remember a mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking
Children grow up while you're not looking.
So quieten down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby
And babies don't keep"

JadesRollerDisco that made me chuckle. My DCs are grown adults and we are just now getting rid of that funky smell.

Yeah fuck the housework, there's more fun stuff to do, let's face it!

If you're at home all the time yea you would hopefully be able to keep on top of it. Or pay someone to

If the OP is at home all the time, then she's doing childcare! It's exhausting having pre-school age kids and perfectly normal not to keep on top of cleaning. And you do realise that paying someone else to clean is not an affordable option for the vast majority of people?