Is this normal or am I just a crap housewife

[AlistairandAnna]

2 DC (4 and 2yrs old) and whilst I just about manage to keep on top of the dishes, washing and clear away toys at the end of the day, my flat is far from clean. The sofa covers need washing, the furniture has sticky hand prints on it and need a wipe down, the bedding could definitely be changed more frequently and let's not talk about the bathroom. Is this normal or am I a crap housewife? I genuinely cannot find the energy or time to do all this in between looking after the DC, making meals, the school run and the basic housework I already do!

Sounds completely normal.

Just make sure loo and kitchen are kept clean and bedsheets changed once a week and you’ll be ok. Thing’s will improve when you get more energy.

Take it in turns with DH to run round with the hoover once a week.

Why isnt your hubbie helping when he gets in? You should be a team picking up bit and bobs if the other is struggling.

I think it’s normal. The FlyLady system is quite good and I find her standards more trusting than TOMM but at the start there is a lot to wade through
I think your actually doing two jobs - 1 the kids and 2 the house.
If your tired or maybe worth to have some blood tests - anemic, vit d, b12 etc

I should have cleaned today but I had some time alone so I did a hobby instead 🤷‍♀️ People who are fantatical about cleaning are always the dullest person at the party. In fact they don’t go to parties they’re that dull. Perhaps see if you could afford a “ spring clean” from a lovely cleaning firm to help get you on track a bit. Then it’s just maintenance.

Can I join the crap housewives club? O spent all weekend sorting out the living room and within a day it looked no different
Everything needs more work. There's always washing waiting to be washed, dried, put away
Same with washing up. Lots of things need wiping down more and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I looked at TOMM but we
Up at 7, 1-3 kids dressed, fed, changed and out by 8.15.

Home for 9. Hobbit breakfast for babies / first breakfast for me. Say finished and babies clean by 9.45.
TWO HOURS FREE!
Bottles at 12, then lunch at 1, say finished at 1.30.
1 HOUR FREE
Pack bag to do school run day 2.30 and out at 2.40, home about 4
Sort out eldest, feed babies.
Start dinner, cook dinner, eat dinner, feed babies, clean up after feeding babies and it's 7pm.
Wah babies, feed babies milk, dress them for bed, try and get them to sleep.
Now it's something like 8.30-9. take babies up.
TWO HOURS THIRSTY FREE
Bed at 11.30, wait for sons water to finish about 12.45 then go to sleep about 1.

But in the free hours in the day I have two babies crawling, boring anything that doesn't nice, annoying each other. I might get a little bit done bit nothing reasonable.
At 9 I'm exhausted and I can't start tidying upstairs as I have 3 kids asleep or downstairs as it's the only time I spend with DH.

I jist don't get what trick I'm missing to make me less crap

Thanks everyone. I'm a single parent and the kids are with me 24/7, so no time off from them to clean either

Imagine a job where you had two small people engaged 24/7 to sabotage every single thing you did. That's your job that is.

Totally normal, OP! You have to pace yourself as a single parent especially, so no need to try to have an immaculate house. Aim for ‘good enough!’ My house sounds similar... I bet if you saw my messy living room you’d feel miles better!

We do advert cleaning if watching tv. Rule is jump up in adverts all clean at full pelt until the advert stops. Then u must stop immediately. Ud be surprised at the difference. Alternative to that is 45 mins everyone does what they like sat AM, 15mins everyone cleaning. Repeat times four. Then stop

If it makes you feel better, my kids are 7 and 5 and I only just got round to washing the sofa covers... And don't believe Mumsnet on how often bedding needs changed!

I think the best thing you can do is limit food And drink to one place. Children don’t need to wander round eating and drinking. If they want a snack, they sit down, preferably in the same place each time, which helps it become a habit and keeps the mess Contained. Only one place to clean, no dirty handprints or drink spillages, crumbs everywhere.

Best tips, feed them in the kitchen, that way while they are eating, you can tidy and wash up, wipe the sides and keep on top of the kitchen mess. Same as when they are in the bath. Give the bathroom a bit of a once over. Doesn’t need to be a big clean, but a wipe of the toilet and sink will make it seem cleaner even though you haven’t done a proper clean.

Also allocate some jobs to your partner if you have one. There is no reason why he can’t do a day at work and then wash up after tea. (Or whatever job you want to delegate).

It's normal. While they are young enjoy time with them and don't stress about the house being perfect. As long as it's not horrific it'll keep. With the extra housework that's not absolutely essential there and then pick one or two a day and do those rather than trying to do the whole lot at once.

Try TOMM the organised mum method it’s brilliant!

Download the Organised Housewife or the Fly Lady. They do the house in bite size pieces, I.e tidy most jumbled drawer today, or clean 2 windows. Give yourself a break and the DC. a huggle.

It's quite normal, chill!

the real question is: are you happy with your home?

Otherwise I'd really recommend a dish washer, that alone makes such a difference.
Chores first thing in the morning, one room at a time Monday to Friday then you are done by the time you leave the house to drop the kids and go to work.
Evenings are just about making diner and cleaning kitchen, preparing load of laundry to put on in the morning, putting kids to bed, wizzing round to tidy up whatever is still left to tidy (that's 15 mn max) and do your "admin".

Once you are used to never go to bed in a messy house, it's life changing. Cleaning in the morning takes no time at all, no running around looking for things, no stress.

I find it a million time easier to enjoy my kids and spend time with them in an organised and tidy house, than running around like a headless chicken, getting all stressed out by the mess, panicking if a visitor wants to pop in, being late or forgetting things...

There's no rule as such, some people don't care, I can't relax in a messy house.

I have worked out the only way to keep the house clean is to spend as little time in it as possible, which has been hard during the lockdown especially. TOMM only works for me when I am out the house FT working hours and the kids too. At home it's just sabotaged instantly

Based on whose standards? IMO... Do your best. If someone has an issue with how your house looks, let them know they're more than welcome to help you any time. If you're having issues with it.. I know I do sometimes when things get left longer than MY preference.. .try to switch things up. Stupid as it may sound I put reminders in my phone. I also moved the cat food to a different place just so I'd have to walk past an area I struggle to keep clean. Now I have to pass it twice a day and that helps me keep on top of things.

Same here and I don't have children Go easy on yourself OP - housework is never really done.

I have the "Unfuck Your Habitat" app on my phone - it's fun, easy and helpful.

You're not crap.

But what helps me, and it sounds so simple, is cleaning something as soon as I notice it.

For example in the past I would see a mark on a kitchen cupboard and make a mental note that the kitchen cupboards need cleaning. I would very quickly have list of big cleaning tasks like that that I didn't have time for. Now I just clean the mark. Sure my place isn't perfect but it's a lot better than it used to be.

And remember half the dishes is better than no dishes. Basically don't leave things for when you have time to complete it. Just do what you can.

As PPs say, a schedule is invaluable.

If you can't outsource some of this stuff - Eufys and similar gadgets are invaluable. Anything that keeps on top of cleaning and mopping floors, keeping the tiles, windows, and walls clean is a big help.

It gets to me that my children, even though they've left home, still criticise my housekeeping. I say "my" - dh is the main culprit, not currently working while I'm out all day (long days) but my socialist MA educated dd still sees it as my failing. My children have been to about 40 countries, are well read, have visited lots of the main (and out of the way) art galleries. Still it's my inability to clean that bothers them. I am not up to their friends' parents' standard. I'm a fab cook though.

I think it's fairly normal. You have to decide your own priorities. Abandon any predisposition to perfectionism!

Restricting where they eat is a very good call.

I don't have little kids but don't have much energy or pain free time for cleaning. I'm using the flylady website zones to move me round the house weekly to keep more on top of things. Or a daily room focus as a previous poster described might help. I set a timer to STOP me. (It's a bit of psychology that's working!) but with kids you may not have any need for that!

You're doing a hard job already....you'll hardly notice a few extra things added in!
This is awful advice! Life’s hard, keep adding to your load! Fuck it all off OP and have yourself what my friend’s kid calls “crunchy floor” for a few years.

Totally normal. My dd's are 4&2

Things I do -

Clean the bathroom while kids are in the bath.
Get kids to wipe skirting boards with baby wipes. They love it 😂😂
Bought a dyson cordless. Literally use it 3-4 times a day. So quick!!
Dishwasher
Batch cook. Saves so much time in the evening.
Tidy up time. Time how quickly the kids can put the toys away. Also link this to school/nursery. They tidy up there.

Honestly, as long as the kids are fed, clean and happy then you're doing a good job.