Is this normal or am I just a crap housewife

[AlistairandAnna]

2 DC (4 and 2yrs old) and whilst I just about manage to keep on top of the dishes, washing and clear away toys at the end of the day, my flat is far from clean. The sofa covers need washing, the furniture has sticky hand prints on it and need a wipe down, the bedding could definitely be changed more frequently and let's not talk about the bathroom. Is this normal or am I a crap housewife? I genuinely cannot find the energy or time to do all this in between looking after the DC, making meals, the school run and the basic housework I already do!

I have a full time job, single and three kids. Mine gets surface tidied at most.

It’s actually quite upsetting!

@Handsoffisback it clearly is.

Cleaner if you can afford one.
Otherwise, all the gadgets you can afford. Prioritise cordless vacuum and dishwasher. Get yourself an e-mop and those e-cloths that mean you don't need to use cleaning sprays or anything other than water for most surfaces: saves loads of time as you don't have to rinse, and better for young children not to be breathing in excess chemicals too.
Get rid of any excess stuff: it takes far too long to tidy up and much longer to find what you need, clean etc.
Definitely confine DC to table when eating. Good habit to stop endless snacking and keeps everything much cleaner and tidier.
Get them involved in cleaning up after themselves early. Have a stash of cloths and a dustpan and brush or handheld vac available in an easily accessible place they know to go to if they spill anything or make a mess. At that age, especially the 2 year old, they mainly just want to be involved in doing whatever you're doing, and cleaning is as interesting as anything else, so
Clean the bathroom when they are in the bath.
Find your own personal point where it feels like a happy compromise between being clean and tidy enough to not feel miserable/stressed in your space, but not spending more of your time and energy worrying about a perfect house than you're happy with while your children are young.

OP, I live alone and loathe housework, resent any time spent on it. This helps:

• industrial builders' hoover (karcher only £60)
• packet of wipes (don't start, bio ones) in every room
• cotton throws on chairs and sofas, washable, chuck back on to dry
• ruthless binning; bin bag in hall comes out with you daily
• open windows
• bleach not cleaners on floors and loo (gets more off)
• trays on tables, quicker to clean than furniture.

What do you do all day? Do you work? I don't think a 30 min good clean of a room a night Once the dc are in bed is particularly hard work or something to laugh about?

I've 4 dc, why not keep it clean?! The youngest two have toys everywhere all the damn time, but my house is clean. Why wouldn't it be? It's easy if you're not a lazy grotty shit..

@Handsoffisback that’s an extreme example. Here is a single mum with two children aged 2 and 4.

Making sure they are fed. Making sure they have clean, dry clothes. Making sure they are well and cared for. Making sure their home is safe, loving and comfortable. Those are the priorities.

Not being able to eat your dinner off the toilet floor.
Not spending hours cleaning.
That can wait for now.

OP enjoy and love your children. Make sure they are safe and you are sane. That’s what’s important now.

Nice TheCanyon I’m not a lazy grotty shit but by the time I’ve done school for 3, worked a full day, tea and bed for 3, more work, it can hit midnight - 2 am and I don’t want to start mopping the flipping kitchen!

Having said that I’m hunting for a cleaner...

Interesting reading the different views here.

I reckon what matters is your mental health. If you are happier in a tidy and organised home then find a way to do it. If you hate housework and would rather do something else then learn to live with it. Don’t compare to others. Then your house will be happy.

And ignore all the posters who gripe about children who were scarred for life by too much mess or obsessive cleaning. You have to be pretty extreme to do that to your dc, and there are probably some mental health issues in the background in those cases.

I don't think you are good at managing your time really. Also, what was you like pre kids? If you wasnt on top of house work then, you won't be now.
Sorry If that comes across as mean but it is possible to have a nice clean/tidy home & have time with your children/husband.

It's so frustrating isn't it? My adC are the same age and I'm currently surveying the chaos that is my house. It makes me want to run away at least once a week. I love a tidy house but I simply can't keep on top of it no matter how hard I try. Unless inplonk them in front of the tv for hours and then I feel even worse... I tried TOMM but couldn't even manage the basics! I'm not a single parent but their dad does literally nada around the house and is always at work so it all falls to me and it's so overwhelming.

Solidarity OP!

My kids are 2 and 4. I have a cleaner. She's the reason my house isn't a complete disaster. It's still pretty bad.
I work 3 days a week. I find it impossible to get a decent amount of housework done when I'm also looking after the kids. They are so needy and if they do give me 5 minutes peace I want a sit down and a coffee.

I have 4 under 5 and do this daily

Hoovering
Dusting tidying toys skirting boards
Kitchen clean and dishes

4 time’s a week family bathroom is cleaned along with en suite
Beds pulled out twice weekly to dust behind and hoover

Kitchen floor is done 4 times a week

Once a month the sofa cushions come off and get washed

Air freshers replaced weekly
Bedding is changed twice weekly

I have one baby, a 9 month old. I just went through and asked my partner, lying on the sofa, if he can't see the shit tip of a house around him.

His response was to go and have a shower. Which is nice for him, but I haven't managed to get one today.

Kids are a full time job and then some. How you can keep a house with two is beyond me 😂

Maybe you’re just approaching it in the wrong way. My kids are the same age as yours but I feel I’m relatively on top of things.

Certain jobs on certain days e.g laundry days are tues and fri. Bedding on Thurs ( alternate one week kids one week mine) .

Get the kids involved and taking on responsibility. It shouldn’t be you having to do all the jobs. Do you have partner to help? If so even if he works full time he must help out.

Quick half hour whip round and hoover When kids in bed so you can relax in peace and appreciate your clean and tidy environment for a bit.

As someone else said you have to do things differently when you have kids. Like today kids and I cleaned all the surfaces in kitchen , utility and living room but the floor had toys everywhere and the bedrooms were messy. It’s just bits and bobs of what you can manage.

Kids don’t mind living in a mess I agree and sometimes I can cope with it fine but In general I think it’s more respectful and caring to look after your home environment.

@Handsoffisback

No it’s isnt erin, don’t be so ridiculous 🙄

Yes it is!

[quote ErinBrockovich]@Handsoffisback that’s an extreme example. Here is a single mum with two children aged 2 and 4.

Making sure they are fed. Making sure they have clean, dry clothes. Making sure they are well and cared for. Making sure their home is safe, loving and comfortable. Those are the priorities.

Not being able to eat your dinner off the toilet floor.
Not spending hours cleaning.
That can wait for now.

OP enjoy and love your children. Make sure they are safe and you are sane. That’s what’s important now.[/quote]
yes

Beds pulled out twice weekly to dust behind and hoover

Why the fuck would anyone dust and hoover behind beds twice a week?! So unnecessary.

Once a month the sofa cushions come off and get washed
This is a joke, right?

@Intrepidintrovert

Beds pulled out twice weekly to dust behind and hoover

Why the fuck would anyone dust and hoover behind beds twice a week?! So unnecessary.

That's a once a year spring clean.

Bedding washed fortnightly at 60° covers the "what should we aim for" advice according to a quick Google.

@Handsoffisback

You're right, I grew up in a fairly unorganised, cluttered and kinda dirty house. I remember being embarrassed to bring my friends round and often being late for school because I couldn't find stuff. It was miserable and stressful.

Fast forward to now, and I have slowly learned how to declutter, keep things organised and clean little and often to keep on top of things. I love living in a clean and organised home, absolutely love it. I don't clean obsessively for hours; I use the TOMM app but have adapted it quite a lot so it's pretty much my own version now, takes me about 15 minutes total each day, but I do a minute here, a minute there sort of thing, like hoovering the kitchen while the kettle boils etc. My place is always "guest ready", and I find it much easier to concentrate on other things, like hobbies in or out the house or studying, when the house is clean and tidy. Also saves me so much time as I'm never faffing about looking for things.

I think "tidy house, tidy mind" (for me, a mind that can focus on a lot more interesting things than if my house is a mess).