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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this normal or am I just a crap housewife

160 replies

AlistairandAnna · 11/09/2020 18:32

2 DC (4 and 2yrs old) and whilst I just about manage to keep on top of the dishes, washing and clear away toys at the end of the day, my flat is far from clean. The sofa covers need washing, the furniture has sticky hand prints on it and need a wipe down, the bedding could definitely be changed more frequently and let's not talk about the bathroom. Is this normal or am I a crap housewife? Blush I genuinely cannot find the energy or time to do all this in between looking after the DC, making meals, the school run and the basic housework I already do!

OP posts:
MitziK · 12/09/2020 15:28

My number one recommendation is make space for a dishwasher. The sheer amount of time, energy and space they save is totally disproportionate to their cost - get one with an anti flood device, though. Because you're in a flat. And always scrape the plates off properly the moment you take them into the kitchen and put them in there rather than on the side and get into a habit of before you close it up, make sure the spray arm can rotate freely by giving it a quick spin.

Pick a day for bedding and stick to it. Say, Tuesday morning, everything goes into the machine and you put a clean set of things on straight away, rather than trying to find the energy to do it when the originals are dry. Use the time it takes for the kettle to boil to run over the floor with a mop. I like my steam mop, as it saves buckets - the head then goes in with the towel wash (which is next on the list) and the bedding doesn't get dirty coming out of the machine if it touches the floor.

If you can, once the floor's done and the machine is running, go and put fresh bedlinen on - it's much better than leaving it until night time when you're knackered, as it doesn't matter how tired you are, the bed is all ready for you.

I would seriously consider getting a Eufy if it were just me here. If that's not realistic, vacuuming more often means it takes less time overall, as nothing gets so bad you have to keep going over and over the same bit. If you need to wash a filter, get a spare so you can do it each time you vacuum and keep them on continual rotation. Or get a machine with a self cleaning filter setting.

Having a cloth and spray (whether water or a cleaning solution) in each room is really useful, as you can quickly wipe over something as soon as you spot it's dusty or grubby, which takes seconds, rather than the best part of an hour.

Clothes go into the linen bin straight away. If they're on the floor, they get picked up straight away and put into it as soon as you spot them. Children are pretty good at searching for clothes. Especially if they are 'trusted because they're big enough' to load the machine, put the powder in and set it running. The smaller one can be in charge of putting a dishwasher tablet in, closing the door and pushing start.

I still have sort of allocated days. Clothes washing is done on Friday night, bedding on Saturday mornings, but the kitchen is generally kept clean and bathrooms are done daily after a visit so they never need scrubbing from top to bottom.

Other than that, chuck toys into a tub and they go to bed with the children. You don't need to be looking at them all evening.

I grew up in a shithole. I'm never having that in my own home - but it's really not that bad (one reason why I can't stand how awful my childhood place was) if you keep doing little things often.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/09/2020 17:54

Some great ideas on here. One I do, give myself 20 minutes to tidy up, wipe down etc. You'd be amazed how much can be done. Otherwise, give yourself a break, chill out and enjoy your kids Smile

Banj0girl · 12/09/2020 17:57

Some people will always be more organised than others.That’s a fact of life. My motto was - always keep the toilets clean!

Commonwasher · 12/09/2020 18:10

Give yourself a break, your house sounds like a normal family home.

Washing the sofa covers is really quite pointless with tinies about, as soon as you get one lot of pen marks out, another lot will appear. Have a glass of wine and don’t fret.

Rainyrain · 12/09/2020 18:20

It’s already been recommended but try the organised mum method. It has been a game changer for me and I get housework free weekends!

Commonwasher · 12/09/2020 18:27

And to the person above who suggests giving a tiny child charge of the washing tablet — those things are toxic!!

nannybeach · 12/09/2020 18:34

parenting was different when my DKs were small, they sat in a high chair ate at the table with us, hands washed then down, so they weren't running around getting sticky fingers everywhere, messy play was done at the table again hands washed.Also grew up in a shit hole, Father was a control freak, nothing to be touched, so nothing was put away, DM wouldn't allow me to have friends round the place was so awful. No way I was going to live like this.

MitziK · 12/09/2020 18:39

@Commonwasher

And to the person above who suggests giving a tiny child charge of the washing tablet — those things are toxic!!
Standing over a child whilst she puts it into the machine, closes the dispenser drawer, then shutting the thing and pressing Start isn't exactly the same as letting her wander off with it as a snack, you know.

She never felt the need to munch on one, either, strangely enough.

msflibble · 12/09/2020 18:49

You are not normal, you're a heroine! I'm always in awe of single parents who aren't drowning in a sea of unwashed pants and soggy leftover weetabix. Absolutely no idea how you do it. Good work. Don't beat yourself up!

CSIblonde · 12/09/2020 19:15

You need 2huge cheap throws to save the wear & tear on the sofa. Only have 1crate of favourite toys out downstairs. Anything not played with in a month in bedrooms. Anything not played with in 6months charity shop. Do stuff as you go along ,it gets automatic & doesn't feel a 'chore'. So ,while kettle boils wipe down surfaces. While kids in bath ,clean bathroom floor
In TV ad breaks hoover one room. Before you leave any room do a 2min whip round of empty mugs,toys left out etc. Two hour blitz stacks are boring & exhausting. This plays to my low boredom threshold & feels less ground hog day grind.

VinylDetective · 12/09/2020 19:19

My mum - who was incredibly houseproud - used to say that as long as the kitchen, bathroom and beds are clean the rest doesn’t matter.

VerbenaGirl · 12/09/2020 19:30

I’ve only just got back on top of things now mine are teens Smile

Crosspatchy · 12/09/2020 19:56

When my 2 were that age, my OH used to come in and say ‘as long as everyone’s still alive’. Time moves so quickly and it is more important that you enjoy them and they enjoy you, than having a tidy house. Do what you can then celebrate all the lovely things you have done together. At the end of the day gravestones say ‘beloved mother, sister, friend etc’ not ‘ had a spotless house and was always neat and tidy’. Be kind to yourself.

Bbang · 12/09/2020 20:10

Maybe try and cut some of it off at the pass, only allow food at a table. Or only messy food anyway!

What @GreyishDays said! Honestly this cut my cleaning time down by a ridiculous amount, I only had to clean the table and chairs instead of the sofa covers, rug, floor, walls, fireplace and tv etc.

These days food is only aloud at the table, drinks only in lidded cups/sports bottles, messy play only at the table or outside.

Other things helped me too so getting the kids dry and changed after a bath for bed in the bathroom only meant I only had one room to clean not three and being strict with toys and stuff like shoes and coats being put away by them makes such a difference also.

Honestly it’s like brushing your teeth whilst eating though, pointless and never ending.

Lovely13 · 12/09/2020 20:27

Kids need some germs and dirt to build up immune system. That was my excuse, anyway. Mine have grown into healthy adults. Problem solved! Obvs wash clothes, self, dishes etc. Bathroom, kitchen need some attention. But skirting boards, walls? Nah!

Puppy72 · 12/09/2020 20:29

I found my house is SPOTLESS since I became a single mum 😜

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 12/09/2020 20:29

I am a crap housewife and proud of it!!! You have better things to worry about!! As long as the main things are done n clean (like washing Up , clean clothes Etc) you do enough!!!

Sezzimay · 12/09/2020 20:52

It’s definitely overwhelming when the place isn’t as clean as you would like isn’t it Especially when you have important things to do with your kids! One idea - and definetly get the kids involved in this - is to set aside one day or weekend to just really go at it with all the chores - give yourself a fresh start with a clean place (or you know what if you can afford it pay someone to do it). Then start and stay strong with a weekly schedule to stay on top of all the cleaning tasks. Good luck, and remember no such thing as a crap house wife - just a boss woman !

MummyMayo1988 · 12/09/2020 20:56

Your definitely not alone OP.
I have 3 boys - 1, 6 and 10.
The. Mess. Is. Endless.
Not to mention the enormous amount of clothes they seem to go through and their aversion to putting dirty washing in the laundry bin. I am forever picking up dirty pants and socks off the floor.
Then there's the toys.
My DS6 went through a faze of drawing on the walls. Every room in the house has his name scribbled in felt tip.
I came to realise - long ago - that our home is never going to be tidy or "nice" until they've all grown up a bit and help me to look after it.
I barely keep up with the washing/ironing and general chores. But DH knows I do my best. I've cried to him soo many times; sobbing "what am I doing wrong?!"
The truth is; you - me - parents - are doing nothing wrong. We can only do what we can do. Sod the rest!

Cryalot2 · 12/09/2020 21:03

You are fine.
Life is for living, not doing housework.
No one I know ever regretted not doing more housework.

Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 12/09/2020 21:14

I think its fairly easy to have a degree of blindness when it comes to a lot of the things the kids do (I'm like it with dog slobber and snot)
Whilst I hoover the house twice a day, spend my life tidying after the family, always have a load of washing on and another drying, and I'm always wiping a surface down, my house is fucking minging. If you really look at it. The skirting boards have all got boxer slob on. As have the doors and the walls....and don't start me on the windows!

Only way to keep ontop of it is to have a schedule. Try to give one room a deeper clean each day

DipSwimSwoosh · 12/09/2020 21:16

Everyone is different. I could not relax in a house if the bathroom were dirty. But then I prioritise housework over other things that you may see as more important.

Dee1975 · 12/09/2020 21:20

Are your children fed, clothed and kept warm? Assuming the answer is yes. Therefore you are not crap!

VinylDetective · 12/09/2020 21:20

I love that @Crosspatchy. Your husband’s definitely got his priorities right.

SantaClaritaDiet · 12/09/2020 21:42

@Cryalot2

You are fine. Life is for living, not doing housework. No one I know ever regretted not doing more housework.
I have a much better life by keeping on top of the housework - than forever running to catch up and stressing about it.

It's so much easier and quicker to maintain your house than sorting out from scratch.

If people are happy and relax in their home, then it's good enough. No need to pretend that tidy houses are the sign of a wasted life or miserable children Hmm

If you are used to put things where they belong, you only need to do it once and never think about it, and you can find them when you need. Life is too short!