Is this normal or am I just a crap housewife

[AlistairandAnna]

2 DC (4 and 2yrs old) and whilst I just about manage to keep on top of the dishes, washing and clear away toys at the end of the day, my flat is far from clean. The sofa covers need washing, the furniture has sticky hand prints on it and need a wipe down, the bedding could definitely be changed more frequently and let's not talk about the bathroom. Is this normal or am I a crap housewife? I genuinely cannot find the energy or time to do all this in between looking after the DC, making meals, the school run and the basic housework I already do!

It's not crap at all, totally normal, especially with very little ones.

I saw a brilliant meme once which said something like: 'I was going to clean up, but then I remembered we live here' - basically story of my life

get a cleaner. I can barely afford mine but she’s worth every penny and more

😂😂😂
I simply don’t believe you Mother2Princess
Did give me a giggle though, thanks.

I think children do remember growing up in a filthy home.
My grandmothers house was really dirty , she was not a nice person and from a very young age i knew it was not a nice place to be, it smelled , i felt awkward and would worry about possibly having to eat food there , it worried me quite a lot .
Of course its hard work rearing kids and what does it matter if the house is a bit untidy but for me the house has to be clean,even if i'm knackered,work surfaces , sinks ,toilet every day no matter what .

My house is nearly always tidy and clean but I am not obsessive by any means.

Just do a blitz once a week of the main cleaning jobs; dust, hoover, wash floors, blitz kitchen, proper bathroom clean. In a flat that should only take 2 hours max.

The rest of the week just keep on top of the toys, put stuff away at the end of the day, maybe a quick wipe around the toliet/sink half-way through the week.

If you can't find 2 hours then split into two 1 hour sessions maybe. While the baby is napping and the child at school, or while they are watching a bit of TV in the evening?

Honestly sometimes if you just crack on with it you can get the main bits clean and presentable in no time at all.

Occasionally I do the tedious cleaning jobs, like windows, walls or skirting boards but generally I just do enough to make it pleasant to live in!!

Also do a clear out when you have time, less stuff equals less mess for sure. Also get the kids to help a bit with their toys and mess.

Good luck!

@Mother2princess

I have 4 under 5 and do this daily

Hoovering
Dusting tidying toys skirting boards
Kitchen clean and dishes

4 time’s a week family bathroom is cleaned along with en suite
Beds pulled out twice weekly to dust behind and hoover

Kitchen floor is done 4 times a week

Once a month the sofa cushions come off and get washed

Air freshers replaced weekly
Bedding is changed twice weekly

@Mother2princess what is your daily schedule like?

Hats off to you. I naively thought that if I didn't have a job and was a stay at home mum I'd be able to keep on top of the housework as I'd have more time.
But what I didn't account for was the extra mess created by having a toddler home all the time. During lockdown I realised how much more mess that actually meant. Albeit I couldn't run around cleaning up as I was also trying to do my job from home so a bit of a double whammy. Still the only time my house is vaguely tidy is during nursery hours!

I think @Mother2princess daily jobs are pretty achievable in 10 - 15 minutes total a day if it's a little and often approach:

Hoovering this could take 1 - 5 minutes with a cordless hoover, even a minute would make a difference if done daily.

Dusting tidying toys skirting boards again, if spending 1 - 5 minutes on this every day, maybe focusing on a different room each day, it would make a difference.

Kitchen clean and dishes it takes about a minute to spray and wipe down the kitchen worktops, washing up is manageable if you keep on top of it. A full clean of the kitchen every day is a bit much, but the more you clean the quicker it takes as it's just a quick wipe rather than a scrub.

Small children are messy and exhausting. I didn't get on top of things until they both started school

Can you get a robot hoover? Has made a huge difference -
can go on multiple times per day and only involves pressing a button, then emptying.

The children are happy and fed so don't beat yourself up for nothing or nobody.

I'm definitely a crap housewife. I get overwhelmed very quickly. Someone told me to just "do five things" and I find this helps. I make a visible dent in the housework because I keep going and don't feel a failure. I also get the kids to lift 5 things off the floor or tidy 5 things. As a single mother, it's helped to get a robot vacuum cleaner and dishwasher. My current dishwasher is a table top one I bought in curry's but it has been a big help. I can never get my head around those organised mum things. I spend 45 minutes just on the kitchen each day.

For those of you who have firm beliefs, remember not everyone is in your circumstances. Single parents have full time jobs, people have caring responsibilities for disabled children, people have disabilities and neurodiversities. Some people will struggle for whatever reason.

Terrible housewifery here too. And terrible househusbandry, frankly. I try to keep on top of things by doing as I go, he tends to do massive blitzes and it was reasonably under control until lockdown hit and now it's atrociously hard to keep on top of everything even though we're working from home.

Actually two adults and a teenager being at home all day is making it worse, because we all used to be up and out by a quarter to nine and back at half five, which is a whole lot of time to not be messing up the kitchen and bathroom. And toddler being back in nursery is not helping as much as you'd think as he seems to be saving up all his food spitting and throwing for me of an evening! And people will keep wearing clothes, FFS.

I've just got the carpets cleaned and Scotchgarded to at least reduce that chaos vector. Next will be getting the kitchen sorted out so it's less of a disaster area (get the spare washing machine out to the garage, get extra plugs in so there's no extension cords, get a new kitchen...). Some day there will be calm and cleanliness. Probably when DS is seventeen!

My house looks clean and tidy but I know how grubby it really is. We've decided to wait until the kids grow up then we'll just burn everything and live in a minimalist house. Honestly, give yourself a break. When mine were tiny, I considered getting them and me through the day in one piece to be a win.
Enjoy them and screw the house. You'll have plenty of time to clean when they're big. Mine need me less and less now 😀

Crap housewife? Even if you are, so what?

I'm the same OP! I have 2x DCs too, 1 & 3 yrs old. It feels a bit like swimming upstream most days. I keep on top of the obvious stuff (washing clothes & dishes, general tidying of toys etc, hoovering the ridiculous amount of crumbs that my children shed like fucking tiny, bread-based snake people).

It's not that my house is obviously dirty. It just feels like there is never spare time to do a proper, deep clean of the whole house. I think it's pretty normal when you're outnumbered.

Fuck it. The kids are happy & it's not as if I gave ever dreamed of being a good housewife anyway. I do agree with previous posters, if you have a partner they should defintely be doing their fair share.

I don't have young children so can't help regarding that aspect but I do have a chronic illness that make housework an absolute pain to keep up with. But relax please, my mother hated cleaning, ironing etc but our house was the one every child wanted to be in, my father wasn't beyond tackling it when needed, they both worked full time, stuff got done and it wasn't a disgrace or anything but compared to relatives houses it was very different, their houses were spotless, not a speck of dust, fires not lit because of ashes, desert was a biscuit not some messy fruity, liable to stain clothes desert, no one made delicious homemade soups etc because of the mess, in our madcap irish country home food was cooked from scratch, hens laid the eggs and often had to be chased out of the house, toys were to be played with not displayed, pets were part of the family, dirty shoes weren't cleaned because they'd just get dirty again, the house welcomed people, when we would visit relatives you'd almost be afraid to sit down in case you creased the sofa, all my cousins landed to us within a week of getting their holidays, they came over from Luton by plane and by bus from various parts of Ireland, at my mothers funeral they laughed and cried remembering the fun they had with her, no one remembered that the floor may not have been shining or the windows gleaming so please chill a bit and enjoy your wonderful children, a wise old irish granny would have told you to cop on, feed them well, spend time playing, laughing and getting outside, that's what they will remember and love.

@Mother2princess

I have 4 under 5 and do this daily

Hoovering
Dusting tidying toys skirting boards
Kitchen clean and dishes

4 time’s a week family bathroom is cleaned along with en suite
Beds pulled out twice weekly to dust behind and hoover

Kitchen floor is done 4 times a week

Once a month the sofa cushions come off and get washed

Air freshers replaced weekly
Bedding is changed twice weekly

But you clearly love cleaning. The OP finds it a struggle, so probably she should be aiming for a minimal, manageable amount, rather than stuff most people never do, like cleaning behind beds.

All these cleaning methods ignore cooking and cleaning up afterwards. I’m with whoever said it takes 45 mins to clean the kitchen alone - me too, and that doesn’t include mopping the floor or cleaning the oven.

I’ve just spent 20 mins emptying the dishwasher, collecting dishes from around the house, and refilling the dishwasher. I haven’t even started on the kitchen surfaces yet.

Looking at the dishwasher filling and emptying gives a clue how things can get better as children grow.

A 2 and 4 year old are not the best help but as the years pass it's a job they start by sharing and then you can in time delegate it / parts of it.

Housework is a divisive subject. I personally prefer a clean house and therefore will prioritise cleaning in the evening after my hurricane toddler has gone to bed. My friend, on the other hand, hates cleaning and chooses not to do it. Each to their own.

My tips would be pick a room a day to clean, make sure food is eaten at the table/get throws on the sofa that can be bundled into the washing machine and have a list of jobs that need doing every day (washing up, laundry in basket, tidy up toys).

But in all honesty, if you've two kids at home all day and no other adult support then you are my absolute hero and sod the housework!

I don't like housework and my place when I am busy can be neglected but there are two others perfectly capable of cleaning in my house so if I am out at MIL sorting her out and doing her cleaning etc then I do not expect to come home and do my own house - they are starting to get the message as I make them all do a mass chores session on a sat when they want a lie in or to watch the grand prix sessions etc

oh and try fly lady for a kicker to feel like you are achieving etc