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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.

362 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 14:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54089754

I can't be the only one to think the campaign has run its course and just needs to stop?

Labouring women are still not allowed to be with their partners in anything but an hour of the actual birth....the phrase 'bigger fish to fry' can't help but spring to mind.....

OP posts:
110APiccadilly · 12/09/2020 10:01

Like many others, I'd support a campaign for better maternity care (and the extension of what I've found out on this thread is called the exemption certificate). To say nothing of better treatment for those who have miscarriages - the BBC had an appalling article about this the other day - women left unsupported while dads had to sit in the car outside - it was barbaric for both the mum and the dad.

But I don't see how more maternity leave would help. It's like saying, "My house has burnt down so I should get a year's free supply of cake!"

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 12/09/2020 10:13

Not everyone gets a perfect maternity leave, for a number of reasons. This year it's Covid. Also, not everyone's idea of perfect mat leave includes baby groups, other mums, other people's babies!

That doesn't mean mat leave can or should be extended. If people don't want to go back to work, I suggest they are honest about that! Equally, some people don't want a full 12 months; they enjoy work and want to participate in that part of life too.

BikeTyson · 12/09/2020 10:15

I supported the campaign at the point that women were unable to return to work because they couldn’t get childcare. If that situation is now resolved then I don’t believe it’s still required.

Eminybob · 12/09/2020 10:27

@BikeTyson

I supported the campaign at the point that women were unable to return to work because they couldn’t get childcare. If that situation is now resolved then I don’t believe it’s still required.
If the lack of childcare issue was even mentioned in the petition then I’d be interested. But it isn’t. It’s all about bonding and baby groups.
Everysinglebloodytime · 12/09/2020 10:40

@mumsthewurd

wow. the vitriol and total lack of compassion on this thread shows me why feminism is doomed. Women are even more judgemental and cruel to other women than men are. Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters. Divide and conquer.
How ridiculous, just because someone is female it doesn't mean they're right.

These petitions are self indulgent and short sighted. I cringe when I see one shared because I don't want to be associated with such twattery.

Life is fucking hard sometimes, if you expect the world to bend around you it will either be harder when it doesn't or harder for other people who have to accommodate this entitlement.

Everyone has had a shit time from what I can see, all our kids have struggled in various ways, we have all struggled in various ways (or at least, if you haven't you seem to be the exception rather than the rule), but we just have to get a grip and get the fuck on with life rather than whimpering and whinging about it.

BikeTyson · 12/09/2020 10:41

I clearly recall signing a petition a while back about extending maternity leave, and the main point was because childcare provision was all closed. My local MP was on Women’s Hour yesterday talking about it and yes, it was all going on about health visitors and baby groups instead - but my original signature probably still counts as one of those supporting this campaign.

BigBlondeBimbo · 12/09/2020 10:43

@BikeTyson

I clearly recall signing a petition a while back about extending maternity leave, and the main point was because childcare provision was all closed. My local MP was on Women’s Hour yesterday talking about it and yes, it was all going on about health visitors and baby groups instead - but my original signature probably still counts as one of those supporting this campaign.
Have you read the petition? Hang on I'll find it for you.
BigBlondeBimbo · 12/09/2020 10:44

This is the whole thing. Did you sign this?

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.
Heyha · 12/09/2020 10:57

I do actually think that preemie/NICU babies and parents SHOULD get extended leave and would gladly support that.

I was on mat leave, went back for a few weeks then ended up on covid flexible part time WFH. Apart from those first few weeks of tight lockdown I can't say I noticed much difference between my proper mat leave and being at home for the extended period, other than baby groups being online rather than sitting around in a church hall. If it had happened during winter I perhaps would have been more sympathetic but honestly, although it's really bad luck to have missed out on 'normal' mat leave, it's less bad luck than losing your job or a member of your family.

I do also think the disparity between trusts about antenatal, labour and postnatal support is appealing and agree with PP that that should the the focus of any covid-maternity-related campaign.

Heyha · 12/09/2020 10:59

What a typo, appalling not appealing!

NewAutumnName · 12/09/2020 11:00

93% in your poll think its rubbish and they shouldn't get it

Debradoyourecall · 12/09/2020 11:13

I was at the beginning of my maternity leave when lockdown started. I also have a older child. It’s been a tiring and lonely time, most of the time unable to meet up with other parents or family. No-one with young children wants to meet indoors anymore. I am actually relieved my mat leave is coming to an end soon, my eldest has started school and my baby can go to nursery. I certainly wouldn’t want any longer of these lonely groundhog days. I do feel for parents unable to get childcare places so having to give up working.

TempestHayes · 12/09/2020 11:23

They don't seem to realise every single parent has had the same issues. All of our children are lonely and upset. All of us face a difficult return to work, if not impossible.

They're not any more special than the parent of a 7 or a 14 year old.

SecretSpAD · 12/09/2020 11:37

wow. the vitriol and total lack of compassion on this thread shows me why feminism is doomed. Women are even more judgemental and cruel to other women than men are.
Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters. Divide and conquer

What is actually going to doom feminism is one group of women demanding special treatment to the detriment of other groups of women.

Who do you think will be the people covering this extra time off work (because let's face it few employers are willing/able to hire someone for such a brief amount of time) so these women can get their baby yoga (whatever the fuck that is). It's women who
-have young children at home/in childcare who now spend less time with their young kids because of the pressures of working
-have slightly older children who may need support with being back at school/covid shit etc
-have elderly parents/other relatives to care for
-have no children but have been working fucking long days under extreme pressure for months to help out/cover for parents (though I'm used to women like me getting no sympathy so no feminism for us!)
-oh and men too, but they rarely count on MN anyway and certainly have no need to see their young children

I'm looking to hire someone to help me on a piece of work. I'm looking for a person who is older or male or one of my contacts/friends who are childfree or have older children.

VinylDetective · 12/09/2020 11:49

I'm looking to hire someone to help me on a piece of work. I'm looking for a person who is older or male or one of my contacts/friends who are childfree or have older children

And you’re not alone. I worked as a contractor for years, starting in my mid 50s. I was hired endless times when it was between me and a 30 something woman. Much as I’d love to think it was always for my superior skills and experience, I have no doubt that the absence of small children or their possibility played a part in those hiring decisions.

1990shopefulftm · 12/09/2020 11:57

I'm due with my first baby next month and my main concern isn't that my mat leave could be spent mostly stuck at home as that's already been the case for most of my pregnancy.
I'm more concerned about whether I ll have to decide to stay in the postnatal ward with minimal support without my partner there and whether we'll get much medical support postnatally from health visitor/ midwife if we do need it.

GrumpyHoonMain · 12/09/2020 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tanders · 12/09/2020 12:07

There is legislation being brought in to ensure that parents of preemies can have up to 12 weeks paid added onto their maternity leave. I want to say in 2024, but would have to check.

Legseleven1990 · 12/09/2020 12:13

@grumpyhoonmain how would 3 extra months of mat leave address this? Youre replying to a poster that wants extra help for parents of preemies full stop. Not just those in lock down. At no point did she say the lockdown preemies had it easier. The care received by those you are referring to is disgraceful. So campaign for that to improve. Campigning for extra maternity leave for baby classes is a completely separate and irrelevant issue so I honestly can't see how you're connecting the two. Telling the parent of a preemie baby who is sharing their struggles to "just fuck off" is appalling.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 12/09/2020 12:27

What a load of tosh. My eldest is 13 and I only hot 6 months maternity leave, it changed shortly after. 3 months of lock down during 9 months is no different to 6 months in total . I feel for those denied the care they needed and didnt receive it but the economy cannot support this.

BigBlondeBimbo · 12/09/2020 12:33

Yes, agree with @Legseleven1990. Nobody is doubting that those who have a hard time with early parenthood anyway, have it even harder due to the pandemic. Because all aspects of healthcare and life in general have been harder due to the pandemic. So, obviously, it is even harder for those already having a hard time.

The problem with this petition isn't that it is asking for better postnatal care, better MH services or extended leave for parents who had poorly babies in NICU (of which I was one). Those are things I would support whole heartedly.

I posted a screenshot^^ of what the petition is concerned with. If you signed that, I will not agree with you, no matter how shouty and sweary you get.

Caelano · 12/09/2020 12:36

@CeeceeBloomingdale exactly. ML was 12 weeks when I had my first. There was no paternity leave at all (dh back to work the day after each birth including when we had a prem baby with dc3)
Of course it’s not a race to the bottom- I’m not suggesting that ML should be reduced simply because we didn’t all benefit from what it is now.... but fucking hell, it really highlights how out of touch some people are.

If I’d had the option of up to a year off work and with my dh able to take a fortnight off with each child I’d have felt like I’d won the lottery. ML in the U.K. is incredibly generous and it’s quite revolting that a few middle class self serving women think they’re somehow hard done by because they weren’t able to go to baby groups and coffee mornings.

I’m totally in support of campaigning for Allowing partners to stay with labouring mums and for better Post natal health care. Those are entirely different issues. Giving 3 months more time off work to entitled women who can’t get their head around the fact that life has been tough and different for all of us- bloody hell, it’s an embarrassment

PlinkPlink · 12/09/2020 12:58

Sat here with my 12 week old. Lockdown and COVID hasn't really had much of an impact tbh.

When I was pregnant, OH, DS and I would go for a walk every day around the neighbourhood which was lovely. I still got my home birth.
I'm still able to take my children for a walk, I'm still able to go to the beach or the woods.

I would love to go and get her weighed, or go to a mums group but children's centres are closed atm. That's really the only downside.

However, lockdown is what you make it IMO, in terms of bonding with your child. There are baby sensory groups on zoom and baby massage classes. We can still go out and see people. You can still bond as a family.

I really don't think extended mat leave is needed and support PP saying other things should be campaigned for like better maternity services or more MH support etc.

SecretSpAD · 12/09/2020 13:06

Much as I’d love to think it was always for my superior skills and experience

Actually many people - myself included - do welcome the life and work experience that comes with people being in the workplace for more than 20 years. Off the topic, and deeply unpopular on here And in society, but I still think that people should not hold a senior management position until they are over 40.

BBCONEANDTWO · 12/09/2020 13:12

I believe if people want to extend their maternity leave they should do so without pay and only if the employer will leave their job open for them. It's ridiculous.

What makes me laugh is that even when people are on maternity leave they still accumulate annual leave I don't get it. Particularly in the public sector no wonder there's a shortage of funding.