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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.

362 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 14:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54089754

I can't be the only one to think the campaign has run its course and just needs to stop?

Labouring women are still not allowed to be with their partners in anything but an hour of the actual birth....the phrase 'bigger fish to fry' can't help but spring to mind.....

OP posts:
PrimeraVez · 11/09/2020 15:26

I’m sure it was shit but it’s not been an easy time for anyone. One of my best friends had a baby at the beginning of March and I feel sad for her that she has missed out on all the baby groups, coffee mornings with her antenatal group etc etc BUT on the other hand, she had her DH working from home for over 6 months, which I would have loved (rather than DH being out the house 8am-7pm every day from when my DC were a week old)

user174156455663 · 11/09/2020 15:27

Any idea how hard it is to drop a baby off at a nursery when they’ve barely left the living room for 6 months and have no idea other humans existed? Traumatising for everyone.

How about you have some compassion for people living with actual trauma rather then belittling their suffering to try and make your own hyperbolic points.

You're the one who needs to find some compassion for others.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 11/09/2020 15:27

Have a small baby in lockdown. It was shit compared to my first mat leave which was lovely.

However... it’s been shit for everyone. The economy is on its knees. People can’t get medical appointments for life threatening illness. People are being made redundant. Mental health is suffering. At the other end of the spectrum people have missed holidays, weddings, funerals.

I cannot in any way consider an extra three months solves the issues new mothers have faced and while I do sympathise, I consider this very low priority when looking at what other issues there are and think this campaign is ultimately poorly thought out and potentially damaging for women’s rights.

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/09/2020 15:27

I agree OP. The long maternity leave is biggest root cause of the gender pay gap. The longer out of work, the less current your skills are so the further you fall down the career ladder when you go back.

I think it silly too, so what that 3 months of 12 were lost? My entire maternity leave pre and post birth was 12 weeks unpaid leave. These women still have the rest of an entire year with their child. It’s greedy, grabby and opportunistic as well as not in their best interest long term.

Hattrix · 11/09/2020 15:27

My eldest was a nicu baby a few years ago. That was hell and we will deal with her disability our whole lives.

Half my maternity leave for my youngest was during lockdown. Yes there were things I didn’t get to do that I might have liked this time. But I have a healthy baby and feel so lucky about that.

Those behind this petition are so entitled. I don’t get it at all.

TiredMamof2 · 11/09/2020 15:27

This reply has been deleted

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Lozz22 · 11/09/2020 15:28

I was also asked to sign this petition. I point blank refused. People witching on about not being able to take their baby for their first swim, not being able to go to mother and baby groups. Swimming's pools have and re open so will baby groups. Just be grateful of all the other memories you can make in the meantime. I sure wish I could make these memories with my Babies. I'm also pretty sure I never went swimming or to baby groups when I was a baby and I've turned out ok

Cam2020 · 11/09/2020 15:29

Mat leave is supposed to be for bonding and caring for your baby - Covid hasn't stopped anyone from doing that! Most people I know who had booked holidays and time off work still had to take their annual leave regardless, it's really no different.

It's unfortunate that people haven't been able to go to their mummy groups but there have been a lot of restrictions in 2020 and lots of us haven't got to do things we want to do!

Bellesavage · 11/09/2020 15:30

I've had my mat leave during lockdown. It's been horrible, no baby groups, no health visitor support, no breastfeeding advice, no grandparents, no medical support at all. It's been very very lonely. Thank goodness I'm a second time parent so I felt like I knew what to do vaguely. I wish I had have extended my mat leave now but I'm back at work. Like a pp said, nursery drop off is horrible, more so than with my first, as my baby has never really seen other adults or babies having been stuck in our house (and mainly one room as DH has needed house quiet for work) for months. I also think it's horribly unfair the maternity exemption hasn't been extended.

BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 15:30

@PrimeraVez

I’m sure it was shit but it’s not been an easy time for anyone. One of my best friends had a baby at the beginning of March and I feel sad for her that she has missed out on all the baby groups, coffee mornings with her antenatal group etc etc BUT on the other hand, she had her DH working from home for over 6 months, which I would have loved (rather than DH being out the house 8am-7pm every day from when my DC were a week old)
Yes, same. My friend had a baby in March and her partner has been at home. Never that dread when you get left alone for the first time with a one week old baby etc. She knows this and would never get involved in this petition malarkey tbh. Yes, it sucks to miss baby groups etc, but it's a pandemic. It sucks altogether! I mean, can DH have his annual leave entitlement back again please, because we didn't get to go on holiday this year? What? No?
Bellesavage · 11/09/2020 15:32

@Lozz22

I was also asked to sign this petition. I point blank refused. People witching on about not being able to take their baby for their first swim, not being able to go to mother and baby groups. Swimming's pools have and re open so will baby groups. Just be grateful of all the other memories you can make in the meantime. I sure wish I could make these memories with my Babies. I'm also pretty sure I never went swimming or to baby groups when I was a baby and I've turned out ok
Baby groups aren't about the baby though, they're about the mental well-being and support for parents.
BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 15:33

And the no support network, no grandparents thing is awful, but many woman (including me) do this. My mum's dead. My dad works in a very demanding job in Ireland. PILs work full time and spend all free time with their other gcs or travelling. We have never had that sort of support. No, it isn't ideal and it is sad if you thought you were signing up for parenting with support and actually got none, but that doesn't mean you can extend your mat leave. I mean, I thought mil might help a bit more, but she didn't. Does that mean I get some extra leave entitlement?

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 11/09/2020 15:33

I'd be more interested in extending bereavement leave for parents TBH.

I hardly went to any baby groups when mine were less than 6 months old. They didn't benefit from them at that age imo so lock down babies haven't missed out on anything.

Refractory · 11/09/2020 15:33

I do really feel for the new mothers of lockdown, but it is a relatively trivial problem given the context of what awaits us around the corner.

You've been dealt a bad hand, but we all have. Think of the kids who didn't have graduation ceremonies, or who are going through freshers week on Zoom, or who have been stuck with abusive partners, or have lost their businesses, or have been worrying about suspected cancer cases, or are waiting for a referral for chronic pain, or have non-NT kids who have not coped with their new routine, and so on.

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 15:34

@TiredMamof2 I'm clearly not the only one who thinks the petition is a load of tosh. I'm sure if you continue to read through the thread you'll hear a plethora of reasons why.

Me personally?

I work in an industry that has stopped. yes - STOPPED thanks to Covid. No financial support, along with 180,000 people.

I have a child with all the 'difficulties' new mums are blaming on Covid. My child was not born in lockdown.

My partner is american. I'd love to get some of the petition signers here to chat to his sister about exactly maternity rights during covid are like everywhere else in the world.

OP posts:
Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 15:35

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

I'd be more interested in extending bereavement leave for parents TBH.

I hardly went to any baby groups when mine were less than 6 months old. They didn't benefit from them at that age imo so lock down babies haven't missed out on anything.

Exactly! I know a woman who lost a young child in a tragic accident and was given just a few days bereavement leave. Unbelievable!
nopenotplaying · 11/09/2020 15:36

Extended paid leave for those with babies who spend time in neonatal is due to come in within the next year or so. It was announced in the budget after a long campaign. Quite rightly so, if you've experienced life with a baby in neonatal you will understand.

My twins were born in November, prematurely. My maternity leave was affected by their early arrival and later lockdown. I returned to work full time in May. We were supported in the early days by neonatal outreach until the new year. We've had nothing since. At the height of lockdown an extension to leave would be welcomed because of the exceptional circumstances, now I think it's less necessary.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 11/09/2020 15:36

I'm quite up to speed with women's needs in maternity care.

Even I thought "get a grip" when I saw this.

Rtmhwales · 11/09/2020 15:37

Southerncomforts - I'm in Canada and we actually do get any time added that we're off sick for pregnancy added. So if you go off on maternity leave because of HG at 6 months pregnant you still get the full year once your baby is born. In my case I had a baby premature by two months and was happy to find that those two months weren't counted. I got to be off with him and then got a year of maternity leave calculated from his due date.

TiredMamof2 · 11/09/2020 15:39

@ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo so because you’re in a difficult situation in regards to your industry and the impact of COVID you’re directing your rage to another group of people who have had their lives impacted by COVID? Whether you support the petition or not don’t you think your anger should be directed towards the government who has not offered your sector support and left you in this position?

VinylDetective · 11/09/2020 15:42

Bereavement leave is a complete joke. It’s a matter of days in a situation in which some people become completely unable to function normally. I’d definitely sign a petition for that to be increased to a realistic level. Maternity leave’s already generous.

KitKatKit · 11/09/2020 15:42

I think expecting mat leave to be extended is wrong (as someone due to have a baby in the next few weeks, and us potentially going back into lockdown over winter). We chose to bring life into this world for many reasons but baby groups, coffee mornings with other mums etc were definitely not on the list!
I am preparing myself for a very long winter with a newborn, a continuing lack of medical care (as maternity services have been massively reduced over the last 6 months), but as long as I have a happy and healthy baby at the end of it, who I can be with every single day, why would I care about anything else?

As previous posters have said, it's been a shit year all around. Millions of people have suffered, jobs and lives have been lost. We really do have to just suck it up.

Side note: not being allowed partners at antenatal scans has been totally shit and the fact that my DH will potentially be thrown out of the hospital shortly after I give birth is equally shit and something that I do think is worth causing a stink about!

AlternativePerspective · 11/09/2020 15:42

It’s entitled and just makes it even more likely that employers would discriminate against women of childbearing age.

Women have been having babies for centuries without the need for baby massage and baby groups. In fact the majority of those didn’t even exist until about 30 years ago.

Meanwhile plenty of other people have gone without support. The shielded had to stay at home, sometimes with no support, sometimes having to rely on government food boxes, people have lost their jobs, their livelihoods, will go on to lose their homes and others have lost loved ones to COVID or indeed other illnesses, e.g. people who would have died will have done so without their families being able to say goodbye etc.

And people are wining about baby groups and baby massage? Get a grip.

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 15:44

@TiredMamof2 Of course I'm angry at the government. What kind of question even is that?!?!

OP posts: