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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.

362 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 14:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54089754

I can't be the only one to think the campaign has run its course and just needs to stop?

Labouring women are still not allowed to be with their partners in anything but an hour of the actual birth....the phrase 'bigger fish to fry' can't help but spring to mind.....

OP posts:
WildAboutMyPlanet · 11/09/2020 19:53

@Rae5647 sorry to hear that you’ve had a tough time, but lots of women on here have been in the same situation and haven’t felt the need for the extra time. As I said in my previous post, it actually worked in my favour and I can’t complain. I also feel that there are other much more worthy areas that need money than this, yes of course there may be some mothers who need this but by no means all is mums need this, so I don’t feel it would be a fair distribution of funding.

I’m sorry that it has caused you such issues though. You can extend your mat leave (unpaid), is that possible? Can you talk to your workplace, maybe you can work together to sort something out? Maybe try CAB to see if there are any options you aren’t aware of?

MNnicknameforCVthreads · 11/09/2020 19:53

@Monkeynuts18

*wow. the vitriol and total lack of compassion on this thread shows me why feminism is doomed. Women are even more judgemental and cruel to other women than men are. Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters. Divide and conquer.*

Don’t you dare.

I’m horrified by the effect the entire crisis has had on women. And it’s going to get worse as we head for a no-deal Brexit.

Women are more likely to be furloughed and significantly more likely to lose their jobs, either as a result of being employed in hard-hit sectors or as a result of discrimination; they are bearing the brunt of juggling work, childcare and domestic chores, while starting from a position of economic disadvantage. The Fawcett Society estimates the crisis could set women’s workplace equality back by decades.

The changes to maternity services and the dearth of support services for new mothers has been an outrage, as well as the lack of access to family planning services, fertility services and other women’s healthcare.

Women have been trapped with abusers and rapists, unable to leave or access help. Economic challenges pose a massive threat to women’s work and expose them to increased risk of exploitation and abuse. Girls and women facing severe economic crises are more likely to take on dangerous work for survival.

Don’t you dare call me, or anyone else, a bad feminist just because we don’t think this is a fantastic idea. Frankly I’m surprised that any woman who’s lucky enough to have a job can stand back, look at this utterly catastrophic situation (because don’t kid yourself - that’s what this is) and think ‘yep, the best possible use of government money and economic resources right now is to pay me to have three more months off work.’

Well said monkeynuts
EinsteinaGogo · 11/09/2020 19:54

@lineandsinker

I was asked to sign this petition. I chuckled and politely refused.

I spent half of my baby’s first year in lockdown. It is what it is. He had to start nursery last with no settling in sessions and having not really been left alone with anyone except myself and DH. Wasn’t the best but I had to go back to work so we had to deal with it.

If there wasn’t a lockdown, would the women campaigning for this really have left their children with others to the extent that their child wouldn’t have had separation anxiety? I highly doubt it. Separation anxiety is a completely normal developmental phase.

And as for those who have said they have been ‘robbed’ of their maternity leave and the chance to make Mum friends... I have no words. What about those women whose babies are born prem and spend a lot of their maternity leave in the NICU? We don’t hear them complaining.

Like PPs have said, plenty have lost out this year. Need to chalk it up to experience and move on.

May i just say, if you 'chuckled', you didn't 'politely refuse'.

You laughed smugly at the requester and sent them on their way.

BlusteryShowers · 11/09/2020 19:56

I don't support it either. I'm on Mat leave currently having had my second baby in the first week of lockdown. It has been hard but also very monotonous, isolating and I'm looking forward to getting back to work to be honest.

My sister had her first baby in January and her baby has developed separation anxiety. She's just gone back to work this month and her daughter is very unsettled by it, even being left with our mum, but it can't be helped and the only way to get through it is to keep on keeping on. I think extended mat leave would only have exacerbated the issue really.

GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 19:59

Both caused by zero midwife visits and one zoom call with a health visitor.

Jesus that’s awful.

Robs20 · 11/09/2020 20:02

I had twins during lockdown. I did not sign the petition. Yes mat leave has not been what I expected but I also spent 4 months in nicu with my older daughter and didn’t get extra time off for that...

lakeswimmer · 11/09/2020 20:13

There will always be challenges t when you have a baby depending on your circumstances and available support. Extending mat leave when you can already take a year seems unnecessary. When DS1 was born (17 years ago) mat leave was 16 weeks and he wouldn't bottle feed - it was very stressful at the time and he was weaned at four months as I had no other option to get food into him when I returned to work. Forgive me for rolling my eyes at anyone who thinks 12 months isn't long enough at home.

Monkeynuts18 · 11/09/2020 20:15

@Rae5647

You can extend your mat leave by a further three months, unpaid. You can also request 4 weeks extra unpaid parental leave. That gives you an extra 4 months to play with. You’ve also presumably been accruing annual leave.

The childcare issue is a difficult one, but surely you can see that giving thousands of women an extra 3 months of paid maternity leave will make it worse because it will deprive nurseries of even more income? Particularly bearing in mind that nurseries make a lot of their money on under 3s because government funding is inadequate. I’d be 100% in agreement if you’d suggested the government should subsidise the childcare industry for the next three months. But you want that money straight in our pocket - funny that.

I can’t see why the availability of childcare affects ‘new mums’ more than any other group. The whole Covid crisis has been a disaster for kids of all ages and their parents.

Finally you say you can’t afford a minimum commitment of two days per week, so I take that to mean your child was only going to nursery one day a week and you can’t return to work without that childcare. With all respect, that means your childcare needs were fairly minimal in the first place - I don’t know what your plans were for the rest of the time - and it is perfectly reasonable for a business like a nursery to want a small minimum commitment. If it’s only one day a week, can’t you discuss this with your employer - put in a flexible working request, for example?

VinylDetective · 11/09/2020 20:24

@Monkeynuts18, absolutely right.

Enwi · 11/09/2020 20:24

I gave birth in May, and think the campaign is ridiculous. For starters, the LAST thing the struggling companies and childcare settings need now is an extended bloody maternity leave. Can we think about them for a moment?

Because of covid, I had no option but to go back to work one week after having my daughter. When I say no option I genuinely mean it- my partner and I are self employed and there was no other way of surviving. Our business costs remain just as high whether we are allowed to operate or not.

Maternity leave is to recover physically from birth and bond with your baby. Neither of those things were prevented by covid.

Ojj37 · 11/09/2020 20:25

Lockdown happened halfway through my mat leave and I don’t understand thus at all. Yes, there were some trivial things I was looking forward to that didn’t happen, but fundamentally, I git to be at home with my baby, and the unexpected of my eldest home with us. We bonded, we focused on my baby’s wellbeing and development. I would dearly love to not have to go back, but if that’s my biggest Covid hardship, I’m very lucky!

Ojj37 · 11/09/2020 20:26

I can’t type anymore

Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Legseleven1990 · 11/09/2020 20:37

@Rae5647

Have you had a baby during or shortly before the pandemic? If not, you can’t really sympathise.
I have had a baby during a pandemic. I have no sympathy regarding extending maternity leave.

Campaigning for birth partners, absolutely.
Maternity leave - no.

Ginmonkey84 · 11/09/2020 20:39

I completely agree! My baby was born the day before lockdown also and we literally had a day 3 check and didn’t see another person for weeks. I had tearing afterwards, a cervical and urethra prolapse but was told via telephone call with my GP I couldn’t get an appointment with Gynae for quite some time (I’m still waiting). My right hip also has been out of place since birth and I am also waiting for a physio to contact me. I’ve been left with holes and tears where my stitches fell out and I doubt anything can be done now. I wet myself frequently from my prolapse and have very little sphincter control.

My health visitor appeared at 8 weeks for 5 mins and left again. The postnatal care was atrocious and this were I feel most let down. Unfortunately I have to agree with the majority on here. I do feel pissed off that what should have been my maternity leave was spent by myself without my normal support network but it is what it is. It’s not going to give me back that time or experiences I felt I’ve missed out on.

I work on the frontline and pretty much have resigned myself to the fact that I will have to take a career break if it’s possible and if not resign from a career I work so hard in for 13 years due to untreated birth injuries.

Childcare provisions for working parents and perinatal/ postnatal health should be the main focus here.

DontBeNastyAveAPasty · 11/09/2020 20:41

Please stop nitpicking my posts, theres no need, very condescending. We don’t agree. We won’t agree. Leave it.

.....goes on to be very condescending and tell everyone why they're wrong and should agree with her.

Floralbean · 11/09/2020 20:41

Why come down on those who have done something about it?

Because it's ridiculous and self indulgent?

Floralbean · 11/09/2020 20:43

@Ginmonkey84 that's an absolute travesty, I'm so sorry to hear you've been through that. The lack of postnatal care is absolutely shocking.

Grapewrath · 11/09/2020 20:43

Just ridiculous.
Yes things were probably hard in some cases because of c19. I don’t doubt that but expecting extended maternity leave is pathetic and entitled.

GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 21:06

Older children have been around other people and been looked after by others before Lockdown, babies haven’t. Unless you’ve been breaking the rules there has been a very limited amount of time to leave your baby in the care of anyone. So Existing parents don’t have the mental burden of attachment issues.

Yes 'existing parents' do! We are dealing with all the same things you are! Including nurseries closing/changing hours requirements, including settling children in with people they don't know. My 1-year-old was in nursery for a few weeks before lockdown and then at home with me for 5 months. How much of that time and those staff do you think a 1-year-old remembers? And I did not get to spend those 5 months bonding with my baby because both me and her dad were frantically working and homeschooling older DC. It was absolutely horrible, it really was.

I am sure you have had a shit time of it but LOTS of people have had a shit time of it, of various varieties. The reason you can't convince people here that it was worse for new mums isn't because we don't care about new mums, it's because we know how shit it was for the rest of us as well.

Money for the childcare sector, money for perinatal mental health, money to extend the exemption certificate so new mothers can get their teeth sorted, absolutely! But you can't honestly look at the miserable time other people went through and expect them to sign a petition like this one, which prioritises paid time for baby groups over any of that.

Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zakidoodles23 · 11/09/2020 21:16

My maternity leave has just finished and it wasn't the leave I expected but that's life. I'm grateful to have a job to go back to.

Everyone has made sacrifices. The family who couldn't be at their 13 year olds bedside and funeral put in perspective for me.

iolaus · 11/09/2020 21:16

@Goldsoundz

My DS was born on the very first day of lockdown and yes it's been lonely, depressing and isolating. He's only met his grandparents once and we've had to do everything on our own. But I still won't sign this petition as it's quite frankly embarrassing and entitled. What it does do is distract from some serious failings in post natal care due to covid that need to be addressed. PND, post C-section infection caused by no midwife visits and in my case post eclampsia which caused me to be readmitted and undiagnosed tongue tie causing my son to lose too much weight. Both caused by zero midwife visits and one zoom call with a health visitor. I was going to have a meeting to discuss the issues but then that got cancelled due to covid!
Not sure if it's all areas but I know where I work (community midwife) while we were told to cancel visits to start (had 1 single midwife visit at day 4) this lasted maybe 2 weeks before increasing and being left up to our judgement and we do standard visits now (at one point we ended up doing extra because the health visitors weren't going out to weigh babies)
GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 21:19

Hope the changes go through just to piss you all off Smile

Oh how kind and supportive of all the people who've explained their awful experiences to you! What a lovely person you are.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 11/09/2020 21:35

From reading all the posts people are minimising this and really not comprehending the intricacies for families.

They really aren't.