Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think this extended maternity leave bollocks just needs to stop.

362 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichaelangelo · 11/09/2020 14:45

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54089754

I can't be the only one to think the campaign has run its course and just needs to stop?

Labouring women are still not allowed to be with their partners in anything but an hour of the actual birth....the phrase 'bigger fish to fry' can't help but spring to mind.....

OP posts:
Laney79 · 11/09/2020 21:37

For anyone who hasn't seen it here's the governments response to the committee's 23 recommendations.

publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm5801/cmselect/cmpetitions/770/770.pdf

Yep-23 separate recommendations. It's not just about an extra three months paid leave. For instance, There's recommendations about extending the maternity exemption certificate so women can access dental care which has been pretty impossible to do since lockdown began...there's also one about funding for the childcare sector, one on increasing support for mental health needs and another on funding health visitors.

So it's not all about three extra months, paid or unpaid. It's about a lot more than that. X

Cam2020 · 11/09/2020 21:55

There's recommendations about extending the maternity exemption certificate so women can access dental care which has been pretty impossible to do since lockdown began

That benefit is useless in most cases, anyhow. Its nigh on impossible to get an NHS dentist?!

redgin · 11/09/2020 22:07

@Zakidoodles23

My maternity leave has just finished and it wasn't the leave I expected but that's life. I'm grateful to have a job to go back to.

Everyone has made sacrifices. The family who couldn't be at their 13 year olds bedside and funeral put in perspective for me.

Totally agree
Floralbean · 11/09/2020 22:28

That benefit is useless in most cases, anyhow. Its nigh on impossible to get an NHS dentist?!

Yeah I don't know anyone who could.

Ohtherewearethen · 11/09/2020 22:31

@Rae5647 is stamping her foot because her very specific and personal circumstances aren't being recognised and given the attention she believes they deserve. People all over the world are going through so much worse, either because of or completely apart from covid, yet she is on here getting all shouty because she thinks she's entitled to extra, paid, time off, as though that will undo all the shit bits from the last six months. Because it's only people like her (new, first time mums) who are really suffering and struggling. Nobody else can possibly imagine how hard it's been for her and her baby. Nobody has lost jobs or loved ones. Nobody has had to work throughout the pandemic, putting themselves and their families at very real risk. Nobody has had to let their loved ones die alone. No one has suffered from isolation and loneliness, no one has had to struggle with working full time and home schooling. No one has struggled with toddlers who actually have a bit of awareness of what is going on, unlike babies, and have developed separation anxiety, no one else has struggled to find childcare, nope, it's only her and new first time mums that have had a bit of a shit time lately and only they who should be rewarded with an extra three months paid holiday because by December everything will be just peachy. I started off embarrassed for people like her but now I'm actually getting very annoyed. The entitlement is astounding.
Just who should have to pay for this extended baby vacation? And funding from where should be cut to pay for it? The NHS? Schools? Homeless services? Mental health services? Future benefits/maternity pay? Seriously, @Rae, what should suffer so you can feel all your entitlements are provided to you?

McCheney73 · 11/09/2020 22:45

I had a baby in May.
Got furloughed and lost my bonus as a result of all this.
I'm going back to work 2 months early because I can't afford to be off any longer.
Partly brought on by this situation but lets face it as generous as our maternity leave is length wise the pay isn't.
I really don't know how people can take the full amount let alone manage another 3 months.

I've bonded massively with my baby. So much more relaxed then it was with my first in the early days.

I meet with others and my baby loves other people always smiling at them even strangers in masks.

I really don't get why this is still being pushed.

Yes this was a very hard, scary and stressful situation I've never cried so much when I was isolated and heavily pregnant but the idea of maternity leave is you bond with your baby.

EL8888 · 11/09/2020 22:47

@Rae5647 Having children is a lifestyle choice at the end of the day. I doubt anyone anticipated the way things have ended up but it's not your employers problem or the government's. Other people may fe they need 3 months off work e.g. a friend who lost her mum to cancer, she had a slow lingering death with poor support and only 3 people to the funeral. Or friends working from home flat out and caring for their children.

What happens at the end of the 3 months? Another 3 months?! Cue 18 months off work. I’m sure your employer and co-workers will be thrilled

Classy ps to your post about hoping the changes go through. They won't as they ridiculous and the majority of posters on this thread feel the same

Caelano · 11/09/2020 22:50

Appallingly selfish when so many people are really suffering. An utterly ridiculous idea. The pandemic has affected all of us, why on Earth should people who happen to have been on ML during this period expect some kind of special treatment

Rosebel · 11/09/2020 22:50

If anything mums who have had a baby during this pandemic should have less maternity leave. Let's face it, no visitors,or baby clubs means lots of time at home with your baby. I have actually quite enjoyed being at home with just my husband and children.
Maternity leave is about being with your baby not extending your social life (and I say that as,the mum of a 12 week old baby).

Ugzbugz · 11/09/2020 23:00

I took a year off work, 3 months was unpaid and we did socialise and my DC had terrible anxiety at first at nursery l, took a while to settle and this was years ago

Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TofinoSurf · 11/09/2020 23:09

@Monkeynuts18

*wow. the vitriol and total lack of compassion on this thread shows me why feminism is doomed. Women are even more judgemental and cruel to other women than men are. Way to uphold the patriarchy sisters. Divide and conquer.*

Don’t you dare.

I’m horrified by the effect the entire crisis has had on women. And it’s going to get worse as we head for a no-deal Brexit.

Women are more likely to be furloughed and significantly more likely to lose their jobs, either as a result of being employed in hard-hit sectors or as a result of discrimination; they are bearing the brunt of juggling work, childcare and domestic chores, while starting from a position of economic disadvantage. The Fawcett Society estimates the crisis could set women’s workplace equality back by decades.

The changes to maternity services and the dearth of support services for new mothers has been an outrage, as well as the lack of access to family planning services, fertility services and other women’s healthcare.

Women have been trapped with abusers and rapists, unable to leave or access help. Economic challenges pose a massive threat to women’s work and expose them to increased risk of exploitation and abuse. Girls and women facing severe economic crises are more likely to take on dangerous work for survival.

Don’t you dare call me, or anyone else, a bad feminist just because we don’t think this is a fantastic idea. Frankly I’m surprised that any woman who’s lucky enough to have a job can stand back, look at this utterly catastrophic situation (because don’t kid yourself - that’s what this is) and think ‘yep, the best possible use of government money and economic resources right now is to pay me to have three more months off work.’

THIS! With bells on. Articulated far better than I could ever say.

The petition detail is embarrassing. Absolutely I can empathise that it's been tough for new mums and I would fully support a campaign for increased post natal support (which needs increasing anyway!). But for the focus to be on just extending mat leave because of missed time

  • and which actually doesn't help low income families who can't even afford the standard 9 months SMP anyway never mind another 3 months - is just totally the wrong way to go about it.
Wanttolearnmore · 11/09/2020 23:10

I had a baby at the end of April and I'm not bothered about trying to get another 3 months off. It's been far from ideal, no support from grandparents when sleep deprived etc and I would have given a lot to have been able to take my toddler to a play group just to give him some variety at times.
I do feel for new mums though - I think attending baby groups and making friends is a vital source of support that can probably help people recover from post natal depression or possibly reduce the likelihood of it occurring, so I don't think people should be so dismissive of not having the opportunity to attend them. I had PND with my first and not going out anywhere just made me feel worse - chatting to other mums did help.

BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 23:15

@Rae5647

You have, hands down, been the rudest and most aggressive poster on this thread. Nobody has bullied you; many people have disagreed with you. There is a clear difference. You have given as good as you got, with some serious interest added on top.

Great if postnatal and MH services for new mums improve as a result of this though. I do not support the petition itself, which is a load of immature, first world bollocks, but postnatal care in this country is shameful and has been for many years.

GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 23:16

As Laney79 pointed out, there’s a lot more to the petition than “baby clubs” or the three month extension.

Where? This petition? petition.parliament.uk/petitions/306691 That just talks about ‘at least’ 3 months paid and baby groups that I can see?

abstractprojection · 11/09/2020 23:24

Considering that MP is a benefit paid for by the government via the employer. It’s not much unlike furlough. So why not of the mother is able to continue on much lower payments then going back to work, and feels that she needs too.

After all there is either already a temp filling in who I presume would like to be extended. Or she already doesn’t have a job to go back too.

I don’t understand why people get so upset when others come together to try and get a better deal, just because it won’t personally benefit you

As a disclaimer it wouldn’t benefit me, but I did think that MP should be extended to at-least support mothers returning part rather then full time if that’s what they feel is better for their children

Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TofinoSurf · 11/09/2020 23:29

I feel like I have missed out on the special experience maternity leave is supposed to be but for my own mental health I was happy that maternity leave ended. I think many women feel that they have not had the experience that they were expecting and hoping for and that is time they will never get back.

This was posted much earlier in the thread but it really jumped out at me. I know MN doesn't like a 'race to the bottom' but I think what many new mums are fortunate enough not to realise is that feeling robbed of maternity leave is the reality for a number of us regardless of a pandemic.

I think we all go through pregnancy with dreams and excitement for what maternity leave will look like but the reality for some of us becomes far different. In my case it was due to DS disability diagnosed at birth (imagine feeling robbed of the day your baby was born, not feeling able to celebrate because the grief and devastation is so severe, and realising yours and your baby's entire future is not the one you hoped and dreamed of, not just maternity leave), some women lose their babies, some babies are seriously ill, some women develop PND, some go through relationship breakdowns, some spend their time dealing with maternity discrimination in the workplace and losing their jobs (me too!). Some have babies during a pandemic. There are all sorts of awful reasons why women end up feeling robbed of their maternity leave. It's shitty and we have to grieve it and find our own way to accept it but unfortunately that's life. Some people live the dream, some people don't. I don't see how an extra 3 months, for those fortunate to be able to afford it, whilst we are still in a pandemic anyway, is going to make up for it. The time is already gone.

GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 23:30

That’s not the petition though Rae? That’s a select committee report as a result of an enquiry in to the petition. What the petition itself asks for is more paid mat leave for baby clubs.

BlackWaveComing · 11/09/2020 23:34

@Rae5647

Wow completely ignorant comments here! It’s nothing like “phoning in sick for three months”.

There are many complex issues arising from COVID for new mums and babies. Like I say unless you are living this, you can’t possibly appreciate it.

All aftercare was dropped, no treatment for birth injuries, pnd, no breastfeeding support - no support full stop. Babies have never been looked after by anyone else and don’t know their own grandparents. This is not like normal times where it is hard enough going back to work. Any idea how hard it is to drop a baby off at a nursery when they’ve barely left the living room for 6 months and have no idea other humans existed? Traumatising for everyone. Can you appreciate how hard it is to accept mentally that you’re putting your elderly parents at risk of COVID by having them babysit so you can go back to work?

New mums have received ZERO support. None of support they were supposed to get to help bring a baby into the world and zero support financially.

I don’t see Why you would be riled about trying to help vulnerable mothers through the worst pandemic in 100 years. How does it affect you exactly?

Have some compassion.

Hard agree.
Rae5647 · 11/09/2020 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldenOmber · 11/09/2020 23:56

but people will only read the initial description.

That’s not the ‘initial description’, that is what the petition was. The committee decided to take a broader look at how to best support new parents and babies. Probably because they too could see that what the petition was asking for was in itself a bit ridiculous.

But you have already made it clear you think the rest of us can’t possibly understand how hard it is to put young children into nursery after lockdown or risk the health of grandparents. So I am probably not going to get very far if I try pointing out all the ways that ‘new mums’ are not that different to ‘not-so-new mums’ in the kind of support that would actually help.

Rae5647 · 12/09/2020 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happystone · 12/09/2020 01:35

Greedy, who will want to employ women with all this shit.I wouldn’t.

WildAboutMyPlanet · 12/09/2020 03:46

@Rosebel

If anything mums who have had a baby during this pandemic should have less maternity leave. Let's face it, no visitors,or baby clubs means lots of time at home with your baby. I have actually quite enjoyed being at home with just my husband and children. Maternity leave is about being with your baby not extending your social life (and I say that as,the mum of a 12 week old baby).
Eh? Why should women be punished with less maternity leave because they had their baby during a pandemic? That makes no sense?