Dropped my newborn

[FriendlyGhost1]

My DS is now a healthy, robust 2 year old and I still cannot forgive myself for when I dropped him off the hospital bed as a newborn. :( I had a c section and was on morphine afterwards, I must of fell asleep with him sleeping on my chest in the antenatal ward and he slipped off me and rolled on to the hospital floor. :( I actually still nearly cry when I think about it, thankfully he was fine and no damage whatsoever but it makes me feel like the shittiest mum in the world that I fucked up so bad on his first day of life.

Don’t feel bad. Almost everyone drops their baby at some point, really.
It must have been an awful experience for you. But please try and put it behind you 💐💐

You’re not a shit mum. Please forgive yourself like you’d tell a friend to do. He’s healthy and he’s fine, no harm done. It was an accident.

The staff were at fault for not ensuring you and your new baby were safe. I say that as a midwife.

Let it go now and enjoy your fabulous child. ( Almost every parent has dropped or allowed their child to fall. It happens.)

Please please let it go. You have raised and loved your child for the last 2 years, you’ve paid your debt in sleep deprivation I’m sure! We all fuck up at various stages of keeping our kids alive and guilt is the shittiest part of being a mum. Kick it out, pat yourself on the back for very thing you have done for your child and treat yourself as a self reward!!!

My aunt dislocated her two years arm by grabbing him to stop him running out into the road. She still feels bad, and her son is 24 now!
Accidents happen. Your son is fine, please don't beat yourself up any more.

I think all of mine fell off the sofa/ bed at some point. As did many of my friends. I sometimes feel awful about falling asleep with newborn DD tucked in next to me in hospital. I didn't mean to and I thought the midwives would not allow it anyway. I woke up in a panic thinking I had squashed her. So I can empathise with that horrible feeling.

Obviously it’s long past now but actually that wasn’t even your fault.

If anything it was a failure of care on the postnatal ward, leaving you drowsy after surgery in a situation where you were likely to drop him. So you really have nothing to feel bad about. Someone should have ensured you were both safe.

You were badly let down by the maternity services. New mums and new babies need care, and it’s frankly disgusting that a 21st century 1st world country doesn’t provide this as a priority.

Do you have anyone you can talk this through with, to process the feelings? It wasn’t even remotely your fault.

Babies designed to bounce not burn.
Keep them safe from hot drinks, fire ect. But very hard to avoid falls
You are possibly stressed anxious and this occupying your negative thoughts. Think of all the great things you have done for your child millions outweigh this one thing.

I did exactly the same thing as you! Except I'd just had twins, I fell asleep feeding twin 1 and she slid down off my chest on to the hospital floor. I realised straight away but I was distraught at the time that I'd done lasting damage to her, and still go cold when I think about it, but she's 7 now and absolutely fine. I still feel a bit guilty but I was exhausted when it happened. Big hugs lovely 😊

I pushed my one year old over on a laminate floor. I thought he would slide in a sitting position but he went flat on his face and was bleeding from the nose. I literally wanted to go flog myself. We have all accidentally inflicted pain on our children. But we love them to the moon and back and they would choose us as parents over everyone else in the world.

This was not your fault and no harm done.

You were on morphine and exhausted! I think that is a failure of your care, not your failure.

I had a c section and was just left to get on with it. I couldn’t even lift the baby properly to feed him and didn’t support his head properly. You wouldn’t get that lack of support in a third world country. You were on morphine (as was I) and it’s strong.
Also, I have let both of mine roll off things, done all kinds of stupid and embarrassing things which I cringe when I remember them now.
Anyway, they are 10 and 14 now and seem relatively normal, healthy and love me. So no harm done.
If you are harking back over this, it sounds like you are depressed and should probably see your GP.

OP, I’m concerned that you seem to still be obsessively ruminating over this two years later. How is your mood and mental state at present? Did you suffer from post natal depression? Are you under any particular stress at the moment?

Most mums guilt trip themselves a bit - “a mother’s place is in the wrong” - but it’s excessive to still berate yourself for an accident 2 years ago that caused no lasting damage, and as a PP says, was as much the fault of failed supervision by the ward staff.
I hope you take comfort from all the many mums who have shared stories of dropping their own infants. My own baby fell backwards onto concrete through an open patio door, and although I was upset at the time, I certainly didn’t beat myself up for two years afterwards!
Focus on what a good mum you have been ever since, and enjoy your healthy happy toddler. And if you are feeling depressed or having obsessive thoughts, speak to your GP about it and get sone help.

The hospital was at fault here, not you.

I was trying to capture my newborn's first wind smile on camera, she was lying along my arm with her head in my palm.

What I captured was some wonderful footage of her rolling off and landing on my bed.

OP i am a qualified and highly experienced nanny, ive looked after the children of rich and famous people and no harm has ever come to them, my own son fell of the sofa 6 times from the age of 5mths to 1yr, fell of the bed twice, slid down our front steps on his face at 18mths and i accidentally knocked him off a bouncy ball thing causing him to hit his head on the bedside table and get a black eye at 22mths old. He is now 5yrs old and perfectly fine so please forgive yourself accidents happen especially when your sleep deprived.

I can Understand why you feel so guilty. My dd (then 6 months) fell out of her high chair. I hadn’t strapped her in as I’d read that you shouldn’t so you could get easy access for any choking incidents. I took her tray off to clean it and heard a noise, turned around and she was on the floor (slate tiles)! How she missed hitting her face on the kitchen island is a mystery. It still makes me catch my breath when I think about what could have happened. We all make mistakes especially when tired so try not to beat yourself up about it.

Both my boys have fallen off the bed as babies.
DS1 burnt his hand on my hair straighteners when he was very little I still feel awful about that.
He's 14 now however and there's been no lasting damage!

for you, it's hard.

You could talk to someone about it?

I had a similar feeling about something - I did not know and could not have known something was wrong with my baby. But I couldn't let it go for a long time, for me there was fear it could happen again.

I talked to someone and it did help.

It’s actually really bad that you’re still feeling tearful and guilty about this. It was not your fault in the least.

I recently had an EMCS with DS3 and there just aren’t enough staff to provide proper care and support on the postnatal wards. It’s worse with visiting restrictions right now (no visitors were allowed at all, not even birth partners) but staffing levels were inadequate before that.

I was left still drowsy from pethidine and unable to move from the spinal with the baby. At one point I dozed off with him on me and was told off by one of the staff who was passing. I felt like a naughty school child endangering my own child. But, actually, it was pretty much inevitable that it was going to happen. I was drowsy and totally immobilized. I had to call someone (and wait up to 15 mins) to try to put DS3 down. Then he’d immediately wake up and I’d have to wait for someone to be available to pick him back up. Of course I fell asleep holding him (on a bed with no sides to stop either of us falling).

It’s not that the staff are lax or uncaring or anything like that. There are not enough of them to provide the kind of care that they should be able to. The presence of partners pre-Covid had been compensating for this to a degree. But without that you’ve got a ward full of women who need help (with pretty much everything for the significant number of postoperative women) and nowhere near enough staff to support them.

I was taking a picture of my newborn son and dropped my (pretty heavy) phone on his head!!! He screamed the place down.

He's 5 now and absolutely fine.

Many of us have dropped our babies, and we know how you're feeling. I tripped up the stairs holding mine and accidentally threw him into a wooden stair. It was horrendous. I can still see it now, clear as day. But it wasn't deliberate. It wasn't my fault. And dropping your newborn wasn't yours, either.

Poor you - DD only just missed hitting the floor when I grabbed her by the ankle as she slid off me in hospital at 3 days old. I was just out of ICU, massively sleep-deprived and on loads of morphine.

Still feel sick and shaky when I think of it 11 years later and I was in a state for weeks over it at the time.

When she was 3 months old, she threw herself backwards out of DH's arms and hit the wardrobe and laundry bin on the way down giving herself a black eye. She cried for 30 seconds, DH cried all evening. Trip to A&E, visit from social services... the works... and I had to take my tiny black-eyed baby out on London transport (the looks!).

You are not to blame, you're not a shit parent - it's very normal for these things to happen.

Can definitely empathise, first night I brought my DS home I was sitting in a chair with him lying face up on my lap... he sneezed, scared the cr*p out of me and I almost dropped him. Bawled my eyes out and wanted to take him back to the hospital because I thought there was no way this baby was safe with me 😂 DS has had so many accidents over the years I genuinely don't understand how I've not broken him! 😂
You should try and put this to the back of your head, just remember that small babies bodies are literally made to withstand falls and bumps... more bones that are not joined so they don't break so easy, flexible little skulls so they don't damage so easily, they don't tense up when they fall so impacts don't affect in the same way as an adult body etc xxx