Dropped my newborn

[FriendlyGhost1]

My DS is now a healthy, robust 2 year old and I still cannot forgive myself for when I dropped him off the hospital bed as a newborn. :( I had a c section and was on morphine afterwards, I must of fell asleep with him sleeping on my chest in the antenatal ward and he slipped off me and rolled on to the hospital floor. :( I actually still nearly cry when I think about it, thankfully he was fine and no damage whatsoever but it makes me feel like the shittiest mum in the world that I fucked up so bad on his first day of life.

@littlemissalwaystired

I understand the sentiment but it cannot always be the midwives' responsibility. The amount of times I have advised/helped women to put the babies in the cot and discussed not sleeping whilst holding them, only to return 10 minutes later and the same thing is happening. I can be looking after around 10 women and babies in any one shift, I cannot be in every single bay at once so to place blame fully on the hospital just feels a little unfair. Don't beat yourself up about it though OP, accidents happen and your little one has come to know harm. Definitely doesn't make you a bad person.

A very senior midwife in the hospital where I had dc2, two years ago, actually told me to put him in bed beside me, because I had a c section and nobody was available to help me. Her suggestion entirely. I never would have asked if I could, as, I didn't really want to and I remembered the mws from a previous birth with dc1 being really strict about not allowing that. I was shocked and said I didn't think that was allowed in hospital beds, (for this reason), and she shrugged and said "well, we can't stop you" in a nudge nudge, wink wink sort of way. So, sometimes, yes you can blame the mws. Bloody stupid woman she was. Not at all representative of the profession in general.

But just in case you had it in your mind @littlemissalwaystired that mws are all as good as you are and correctly tell women not to do this, while all the silly mummies defy them. Some of them are not as good as you are, I'm afraid.

The hospital left you alone with your new baby on morphine. What would you say or think if that happened to someone else? I'm sure you wouldn't blame the mother! Try and extend the same understanding to yourself as you would to others. I'm a ruminator too, so I know it's not that simple and how horrible it is when you're trapped in that thought cycle.

@littlemissalwaystired

I understand the sentiment but it cannot always be the midwives' responsibility. The amount of times I have advised/helped women to put the babies in the cot and discussed not sleeping whilst holding them, only to return 10 minutes later and the same thing is happening. I can be looking after around 10 women and babies in any one shift, I cannot be in every single bay at once so to place blame fully on the hospital just feels a little unfair. Don't beat yourself up about it though OP, accidents happen and your little one has come to know harm. Definitely doesn't make you a bad person.

Frankly advising a drowsy post operative woman who cannot put her baby into the crib not to sleep just doesn’t cut it as far as adequate care goes.

What are women supposed to do when their baby cries every time their put down in that little plastic box but they’re absolutely exhausted from labour? Just telling them not to fall asleep, or putting signs up, is hardly fair or useful.

I fell asleep with my newborn and nearly crushed her, then at a few months old she shuffled off the bed onto the floor. She's now a healthy adult but I still think about it!

My daughter fell off the bed at 3 months onto hard floor, she fell off the sofa and got a cut under an eye on the wifi router antenna at a year old. Shit happens. I certainly dont beat mysef up over it two years later. She also fell flat against a building scarring her face when learning to walk. Took a few months of rose oil to get rid of the marks. I think you are pretty average really.

Whacked both my DC heads against multiple door frames by accident - you don’t realise how much their heads stick out! Takes a couple of days to adjust your spacial awareness I think

Dropped phone (massive iPhone) on DC1, pushed him over when he just started walking (it was a play push as we were messing around but I underestimated how slippery the laminate floor was!) and slammed the foot stall onto his foot last week (didn’t see it). I wonder how they’re both not damaged tbh. It happens, I’m sorry you’re still struggling with this. It’s time to try and forgive yourself - it was a total accident of which you were not at all at fault

I remember being told off for falling asleep with my baby in hospital. She kept crying and I kept struggling out of bed, trying to feed her, desperately trying to stay awake. It's horrible as you're being asked to stay awake. with no help, when you're exhausted after major surgery and had no sleep. I had been up nearly 48 hours and had an emergency c section. There is simply not the staff or help in post natal wards. I doubt any other ward would put those expectations on people. You're a good mum who was in an impossible situation. X

The amount of times I have advised/helped women to put the babies in the cot and discussed not sleeping whilst holding them, only to return 10 minutes later and the same thing is happening.

I kept falling asleep whilst trying to breastfeed, which you are obviously encouraged to do. How are you supposed to do that in the cot?

I hope all these messages have helped you. I felt so sad for you reading your op as you were clearly let down after the birth and you shouldn’t be blaming yourself at all.

One of my friends couldn’t stay awake after the birth and she actually woke up with the baby face down in the bed (thankfully she was fine, it must have been for moments only) but god knows what could have happened.

You are not to blame and your little boy is fine so don’t dwell on it. These things happen.

Mine fell out of his car seat that was in the kitchen. He never wiggled much so I never clipped him in (stupid I know!) once I went to pick his carrier up and he tipped head first onto the hardwood floor, he was 6 weeks.

I called hospital and they took mri - he was fine! That was 19 years ago, he’s in University now! I still feel guilty! But baby will be fine!!

Dont feel bad OP. I fell asleep holding mine in hospital few hours after birth got woke up to a nurse shouting at me telling me how dangerous it was. She pissed me right off (howether right she was). I wasn't even close to dropping him he was propped up.

After 2 days in labour and zero sleep, I finally got to bed. I was on a lot of drugs, had lost a lot of blood and was still catheterised and couldn’t walk, I was actually quite poorly. Not long asleep DD woke for a feed. Buzzed midwife who handed me her and then buggered off. At some point I passed out, next thing I knew midwife was shouting at me about how dangerous it was for me to fall asleep. Ludicrous. I know it’s because she would have gotten in trouble if something had happened. Still annoys me now.

You shouldnt have been ledt alone in that situation.

A similar thing happened to me. I went into labour while ill with a virus. Had a complicated emergency c section, heammorhage, morphine, no sleep for over 24 hours etc. The midwives insisted that my baby has to be kept on me (as my temp was high and hers was too low) and i started nodding off. I just about roused myself enough to press the buzzer and someone responded within 2 minutes. It was lucky because I really couldnt have kept my eyes open much longer!

No one should left to care for a newborn after major surgery - especially while drugged and sleep deprived (after most surgeries people wouldnt be expected to caee for themselves!)

I was taking my 12 month old down a soft play slide and lost my grip. Off he went literally head over heels. I cried for hours he never even acknowledged my mistake. Stopping big rugby player now.

“I understand the sentiment but it cannot always be the midwives' responsibility. The amount of times I have advised/helped women to put the babies in the cot and discussed not sleeping whilst holding them, only to return 10 minutes later and the same thing is happening. I can be looking after around 10 women and babies in any one shift, I cannot be in every single bay at once so to place blame fully on the hospital just feels a little unfair..”

Do you think they fall asleep with their newborns on purpose? Perhaps they are exhausted and not in control.
With my first, a midwife helped her latch on fit the very first time and then didn’t return for 90 minutes. I daren’t unlatch her and I hadn’t slept in 36 hours. When she saw me with the baby still at the breast, she told me off and said my nipples would be shredded, as indeed they were. Silly me!
Post natal care in the UK is a scandal. The few midwives I know socially say nobody wants to work on post-natal.

at all of these stories...I was lucky to be discharged the same day so didn't need to be on a post-natal ward. NCT buddy did for five days, she had a horrendous time and blames it partly for her PND. Lots of accidents/lucky escapes due to expecting exhausted medicated mothers who can't move to do the impossible and not nod off... It seems that babies really aren't safe on them! I can totally understand people discharging themselves against medical advice... They sound awful.

Morphine is a powerful drug and this was not your fault. Same thing nearly happened to me. I was left, drugged off my face after emergency caesarean, holding DD. Nodded off and nearly lost my grip on her. It's the hospital's fault.

When DS was about 8 months old, I slipped coming down the stairs and dropped him. He smacked his head on the bannister on the way down. Had to call an ambulance but he is fine now. I can think of two other friends who dropped their babies, one from top of the stairs and he fractured his skull. He is fine now.

Please let go of the guilt. It serves no purpose.

Oh my love I know its upsetting but honestly we have all done something by accident. My DS fell off the bed onto the floor when he was about 6 months old. I was so upset I could barely breathe. He is now 26 and absolutely fine

Oh OP exactly the same thing happened to me on postnatal ward with my first son. I was so exhausted and still could barely move my legs from the spinal block. I jerked back awake to the sensation of him slipping from my arms but it was too late and he fell. I was completely distraught grabbed him up and put him on the breast to calm his crying then waddled and swayed with my catheter bag in the other hand to the nurses station and demanded to see a paediatrician 😭 they were all appalled at me. I didn't care obviously I just wanted them to check him everywhere. I was sure I'd really damaged my beautiful boy when he was barely 12hrs old. It still comes back to me and I feel a knot in my stomach and can barely breathe. But he's absolutely fine and almost 8. It doesn't come back to me very often now at all but please be kind to yourself, you will forgive yourself in the end I hope, I think I have. It doesn't stop me desperately wishing things had been different. Postnatal wards can be such wretched places and so many people have barely slept in several days and are at the most vulnerable times of their lives, mums even more so than babies. Especially the first time round. It did massively affect my planning for the birth of DS2 I was adamant that DH should stay overnight to help so we made choices around that. Sending you loads of love. Forgive yourself, and give him a huge cuddle 💙

I tipped my eldest out of the moses basket onto the floor once

She's 13 and very much okay

I was a lone parent when my 3 year old was born so was totally exhausted and when she was a newborn I fell asleep holding her, when I woke up she was trapped upside down between the Moses basket and my bed . I have no idea how long she was there I like to think I woke up just as it happened . Strangely I got over it quickly but just this week it popped into my mind and I keep thinking about it .