Dropped my newborn

[FriendlyGhost1]

My DS is now a healthy, robust 2 year old and I still cannot forgive myself for when I dropped him off the hospital bed as a newborn. :( I had a c section and was on morphine afterwards, I must of fell asleep with him sleeping on my chest in the antenatal ward and he slipped off me and rolled on to the hospital floor. :( I actually still nearly cry when I think about it, thankfully he was fine and no damage whatsoever but it makes me feel like the shittiest mum in the world that I fucked up so bad on his first day of life.

@PatriciaPerch

I read that comment as sarcastic not malicious

I hope you're right. Otherwise that person is pretty vile.

I nearly threw mine - I was breastfeeding him on the sofa and a huge spider appeared over the edge of the feeding cushion and started to walk towards me. I am severely arachnophobic and my first instinct was to throw the cushion away from me. Fortunately sanity prevailed enough to just throw it along the sofa and DS's latch was so strong that he stayed attached to my breast and didn't go with it

I agree with all previous posters - the fault lies with the people who should have been looking after you. Look back at that exhausted mother - if she were your best friend, what would you say to her?

The fact that I managed to drop him when we hadn't even been released from hospital just seems like a massive parenting fail

No, not at all, the hospital failed you. You were a patient at the time who had gone through major surgery. You weren't neglectful, incompetent, or careless; I know it's hard but please try to forgive yourself, you have nothing to feel guilty about (although I know it's not that easy to just forget things that affect you).

OP I electrocuted mine when she was small on an electric fence. Shit happens! You must learn to forgive yourself x

Most of them have been dropped or rolled off stuff at a height. Meh, babies are pretty bouncy on the whole. I say this as someone who worked in A&E for a few decades. Nothing that didn’t happen to all of mine.

my DS was a nightmare and didn't sleep much as a baby /toddler (still isn't the best at age 6 either). Anyway, there was one evening I was trying to get him to sleep on our double bed with me, he decided to get off the bed (he was good at this by this age / stage - maybe about 12-14 months) and usually lowered himself off backwards holding on until his feet hit the floor. So I watched him do it and he dropped like a stone, hitting his cheek against the wooden bed frame. Result massive bruise across one cheek, red line and bump that didn't go for months, and worst thing was I had a drs appointment for him about 3 days after said accident. I felt like shit as Dr quizzed me about the massive bruise across one half of his face.

@FriendlyGhost1 these things happen 💗
When DH was days old, his mum opened the door to the HV while holding him, turned around and whacked his head off the door post.. he’s the only normal one in his family and I put it down to that 🤣

A shit mum wouldn't be upset about it like you are

Also, newborn babies heads are flexible due to childbirth, so they are quite 'bouncy' as the pp who worked in A&E said.

My dc1 sustained a minor head injury at birth, due to ventouse delivery and shoulder dystocia. That resulted in an enormous black, swollen bruise on her head and she was so cross! I could barely pick her up to try and feed her the first night. It happens, even if you don't drop them 🤷‍♀️.

My eldest rolled off ths bed when she was 4 months when oh was watching her when i was food shopping. He panicked but she was totally fine. He didn't leave her on the bed when filling her bath again after that. I feel like staff should of been taking care of you and baby when on Morphine in particular. Ive had two c sections but not had morphine with them but even so you still feel out of it.

I fell down the steps leading into our home carrying him managed to hurt both myself and him as a toddler- he was sporting a black eye for awhile-talk about guilt

Echoing other parents and carers here, accidents happen. Dont beat yourself up over it, your child is fine now (and was then too)

If it is something that still bothers you greatly, would you consider therapy? Maybe speaking to someone IRL may help process your feelings and emotions?

Just wanted to second others that you didn’t fall your baby - you were failed. I felt absolutely terrible because I briefly fell asleep in the hospital bed holding my newborn, despite all the signs saying not to do it. But I was groggy from lack of sleep and the drugs and I had absolutely no support - on the contrary, I got shouted at for asking very meekly and politely for 30 seconds of assistance, and told that I wouldn’t be allowed to take my baby home if I couldn’t do everything by myself. Postnatal care is this country is a joke.

Please keep an eye on your mood. Obviously, you know yourself best but, for me, irrational and obsessive guilt is the best indicator that I’m entering a depressive episode, regardless of whether I feel “sad”.

And

I have flash backs of dropping my 3 year old on tile floor i thought he had woken up as was stirring but put him down and he fell face first onto the tile, cant forget the sound. It is a horrible feeling, and I imagine even scarier for you as baby was a newborn.

Rationally I know it was an accident and thankfully he is fine. No real advice but you arent the only one, be kind to yourself. You are not to blame and definitely not a bad mum.

@mylittlelemon it may not be normal but it is unforgettable so all these people who have had an accident have chosen to share to help another mum feel better. What was the reason for your post?

I understand OP

When my son was about 24 hours old and we were in hospital, I did something that for many, many months I couldn’t forgive myself for.

I posted about it on MN and they told me it something I had to let go and advised I speak to my HV.

When my baby was about 4 months old I was still beating myself up about it, crying ever night and so I decided to speak to my Health visitor who was really good and helped me deal with how I was feeling.

However, my son is now 6 and I still think about it all the time. If I talk about it or let myself think about it too much I will start welling up.

I didn’t drop him, but it was something that I equated to being a bad mother and I just couldn’t let it go.

My issue was more emotion based (as opposed to the physical act of dropping a bay) which is why I was so fixated on it and why I still have residual feelings of guilt now.

Emotions around parenting are so so complex and not easily cast aside just be being told things like it’s in the past and he’s fine now etc etc - even though those facts are completely true.

I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone

OP .. And you think you have an exclusive on this!, well do you! ???

I bet that every mum at some stage has dropped a babe in one way or the other at some time or other, even I've done it!

It happend to all my DD's and even the granchildren have been dropped too by thier mum shit mum?, Nope! absolutly normal and Human mum!

Ands you had some excellent mitigating circumstances doped full of Morphine! know where the Morph comes from?:

"Morpheus" derived from the Ancient Greek: μορφή meaning 'form, shape') is a god associated with sleep and dreams. In Ovid's Metamorphoses he is the son of Sleep! and he appears in dreams in human form.

So not a surprise really wishing you and the young 'un well:)

[quote Sally872]@mylittlelemon it may not be normal but it is unforgettable so all these people who have had an accident have chosen to share to help another mum feel better. What was the reason for your post?[/quote]
I assume this post was:

A) sarcastic (hopefully)
B) from a childless/childfree poster who assumes they would be a perfect parent who never put a foot wrong, ever
C) an imperfect parent, like the rest of us, who has made mistakes in other areas, but has not dropped their baby. Being snarky on here makes them feel superior and maybe this is all they have to feel smug about.

Stupid really, as no reasonable person would ever set out to drop their newborn. I can't emphasise enough how much this isn't the OP's fault, especially as she was in hospital, where they have a duty of care to op and her baby. This sort of incident is their fault from a moral and legal perspective tbh.

Ah, don’t worry about it. I dropped DS when he was about 2 months old and my sister had a bloody chainsaw in her room which he slightly brushed against 😆 I was shitting it at the time but nearly 18 years later I can see the funny side. I was furious with her (and myself) at the time though!

It really does happen to almost everyone. I hope you can now move on and let that guilt go as you have nothing to feel guilty for

I dropped my son, a lot, in the first hours, days and weeks after having a C section. Even fell downstairs with him once, and for the first 6 month of his life I either went down on my bum or got someone else to carry him up and down stairs. But no harm done, and he'll never remember it.

And even when he's old enough for me to tell him I'm sure we'll just laugh it off.

OP, it's ok to feel bad about something but you've got to forgive yourself because it's not healthy feeling so negatively about something that was so new to you, in a vulnerable time, while you were on really strong pain killers. I think every one could forgive someone when they're involuntarily in that condition, and they have an accident.

Really? You worry about this 2 years later. Your anxiety needs help from your GP, because this is ridiculous. Please seek help.

I didn’t drop my son but I managed to clonk him on the face with his baby bag when he was a week old.

I was in the waiting area at the GP’s surgery and he was in his car seat, when my name was called I stood up and as I went to pick him up the bag which was on my shoulder somehow swung around and hit him straight on the face.

Someone sitting nearby laughed! I was mortified. I felt so careless, first time out on my own with him and I couldn’t even pick him up in his seat without injuring him. He was fine, no damage done but 23 years later I still remember how bad I felt about it and how embarrassed the person who laughed made me feel. I probably should forget about it after all of this time.