Dropped my newborn

[FriendlyGhost1]

My DS is now a healthy, robust 2 year old and I still cannot forgive myself for when I dropped him off the hospital bed as a newborn. :( I had a c section and was on morphine afterwards, I must of fell asleep with him sleeping on my chest in the antenatal ward and he slipped off me and rolled on to the hospital floor. :( I actually still nearly cry when I think about it, thankfully he was fine and no damage whatsoever but it makes me feel like the shittiest mum in the world that I fucked up so bad on his first day of life.

My DH dropped our 1 hr old newborn on her head in a front of all midwifes!
I panicked but they all just laughed.

Honestly, accidents happen to all of us.

My toddler fell from the top of the stairs to the bottom, even though I was right behind him. Still don't know how I failed to catch him.

I was also hoovering with the attachment part, he stuck his hand up the hoover and the brushes tore off the skin on his hand. He had to go to hospital to have it scrubbed and dressed for several weeks which made me feel awful.

All however eclipsed by my father swinging me round aged 7 on Easter Sunday and managing to knock out all of my front teeth between the canines. We were at my grandparents and their dentist had to come in as an emergency to extract them.

Please don't feel guilty, accidents happen all the time with kids. They're more resilient than we realise.

I dropped my youngest in front of the health visitor when she came for her visit at 10 days. She was looking at me quizzically as I calmly scooped him off the floor and then said "I can tell he's your 3rd"

The fault is not yours. It's completely irresponsible to leave exhausted, drugged up, post-birth mums alone feeding their babies in bed without proper support. What do people think is going to happen? This happens to women who have been in labour for 10-20 hours or even more as well as those post-C-section. Of course they're going to fall asleep... All the warning signs in the world aren't going to make a difference because it's not consciously done.

If midwives cannot staff these wards properly, there needs to be a policy that women will be attended by a birth partner at all times including on post-natal wards or baby nurseries need to be reinstated in hospitals so newborns can be safely cared for while their mothers are too zonked out with exhaustion and drugs to do so. It won't surprise you to hear that there has been a huge increase in the number of baby falls (including some serious injuries) since the rise of "rooming in" post-birth which has prevented mums from being able properly to rest and recover.

I think most people have an occasion were they accidentally hurt their child that stays with them forever. Mine isn't dropping but when my dd was a baby I accidentally clamped the skin on her tummy into the harness buckle on the pram. I didn't realise at first and took me a minute to figure out why she was letting out blood curdling screams. She had a purple mark for ages and I actually cried over it. I still feel guilty now and she's nearly 7. You're a good mum because it still bothers you but it really was just an accident and as others have said really you shouldn't have been left with your dc in that condition.

I dropped my baby girl when I was putting her into her baby bouncer ( the ones that hang from the door frame). I was adjusting the strap/velcro and she fell out and landed on her head on the hard floor. That's something that I will never forget, I still feel terrible about it. She's a healthy and happy nearly 6 year old now.

Disclamer: I have no kids and I don't play rugby.

My NDN grabbed her 1yo out of his rear car seat, banged his head on the door frame and said "oh Fuck, not again" on the way out, she looked a bit and then chucked him at me, I vaguely grabbed him I wasn't expecting it, we were chatting while he was asleep he wriggled/slid to the ground. She picked him up, dusted him off and said "He's a slippery sod, isn't he?"

You won't be the first OP, and I very much doubt you'll be the last.

He's 10 now and is constantly falling of his bike and skateboard, tripping up the doorstep - it was just a sign of things to come.

I recon 99% of parents have done similar op. My eldest rolled off my bed at 4 months (first time she'd ever rolled!) onto laminate floor, and my youngest climbed the stair gate and fell down the stairs at 2ish. Accidents happen

I did the same, within a couple of hours of him being born and was beside myself as felt I had failed at motherhood before even starting. He actually bounced off the floor. Luckily I confessed and he was checked by a very reassuring peadatrician who made me feel better - but nurses did put me on obs for a day and do wonder whether they were checking on me! He is now a robust 12 year old xxx

It's not your fault. I was dozing in and out consciousness, had to ring the bell at the mat ward several times before midwives came and took my newborn baby off my arms. I had just had c-section, heavily medicated and had been awake for days. I was in no condition to be left alone with a baby in that state. I don't understand why midwives do this. Obviously the mothers are not safe to look after their fragile newborns post-surgery exhausted, medicated and attached to all kinds of tubes..

My brother was dropped as a baby. He has a B.A., a B.Ed, a diploma in psychology and is studying for a doctorate so he did OK.

Don't feel bad OP. Shit happens.

My now adult son fell of the bed whilst I was feeding him overnight as a newborn. He was by my side and I had fallen asleep. He was fine. This type of accident happens a lot, especially with sleep deprived mums. You sound a lovely caring mum .

Later on in childhood children have so many tumbles of one kind or another it’s amazing they survive, but they do and usually turn into fairly cautious adults!

I think it's a bit of a rite of passage. Not a particularly good one.

We have a 9 month old boy, happy to admit I'm a little precious as he's a first and will be only.

Around 2 months ago I put him on the bed and in the classic quote of my back was only turned for 20 seconds.
He flipped onto his front and engaged reverse backing off the end of the bed.

Fortunately he just slid backwards off the covers and hit carpet with a little bump.
He was perfectly fine and after the initial shock was comforted in a couple of minutes.
Didn't stop me feeling like shit though, I only turned round to draw curtains.

The fact it bothers you says it all, you care.

They're tougher than we give credit for.

Ah please don't beat yourself up, he is fine, he is healthy. I still get worried about a similar thing. I could hardly move after my C-section, but the nurse wanted to show us how to give the baby their first bath and we were all told to go out to this little changing/bathroom area and to leave our babies in their cots. There was about 6 of us, but one woman refused to leave her baby and got dirty looks from the nurse. So we were all there watching how the nurse bath one of the newborns, and this other mum came rushing in saying my baby was crying. I went as fast as I could -she wasn't just crying she was apopletic, completely purple in the face, I think she had had a little vomit and she was on her back. I was so upset, I couldn't get her to calm down, I was rocking and trying to feed her and eventually a nurse came over and said she would take her to calm her down, she could see how distressed I was and the baby was. I always think if I hadn't come back would she have choked and suffocated and I'm angry at myself for leaving her unattended. And for trusting the nurse that the babies would be "fine" on their own. It stays with you though doesn't it. hugs

littlelemon we talk about it as if it's normal because it is! I've yet to meet a parent who hasn't at some point dropped or otherwise injured their child by accident.

OP, only you know if there's some underlying anxiety making you feel this way, but I hope hearing other people's stories has made you feel a bit better. And here's mine - I've managed to knock both my kids off the sofa (not at the same time) and face first onto the floor, causing nosebleeds, it's become a bit of a family joke that I can't be trusted with a sofa and a toddler! And DS2 slid off the changing mat when he was 4 weeks old, DH had been changing him on a footstool in the living room and he kicked his legs with enough force to shove himself backwards and onto the floor. Had a heck of a time convincing people that's what happened, I wouldn't have believed it either if I hadn't seen it. He's nearly 4 now and perfectly healthy, and still ridiculously strong for his age and size. These things happen to all of us, and I think the guilt really does stay with you forever, but it wasn't your fault.

And actually, after I had had my seizure and dropped him, the midwives put the baby on me to hold. Except I was completely exhausted/confused and could hardly move. In fact, I wasn’t allowed to move in case it set off more seizures! I was still in the bed I gave birth in with blood all over it and no idea why because I had lost my short term memory. I told them I wasn’t strong enough to hold him and I was scared but they insisted I was. I didn’t have the strength to hold my arm up so they positioned my arm and propped him in it against me. I noticed he was wheezing instead of breathing normally and it took me a few minutes and a lot of determination to move my hand across to press the call button. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Of course I wanted to hold my son but I have no idea why anybody thought it was a good idea to just leave me in a room like that with him on me. I was officially supposed to be in intensive care at the time and so badly out of it. They didn’t even know whether I had permanent brain damage at that point. What were they thinking??

If you were a shit Mum you wouldn't have given it a second thought at the time, let alone two years later.

No-one should have left you holding a newborn when you were on morphine, but accidents happen I suppose.

You owe it to yourself and your DS to be the happiest you possible. So forgive yourself. Even try finding it funny, take the shock out of it. You said it yourself, he's robust! He's fine, you're fine. Forget about it.

I’ve smacked both of my Dd’s Heads on doorways at some stage.
One used to love the swings as a toddler but every bloody time manged to somehow lean so far forward that the swing would flip and she would swing upside down for a wee while before falling into a heap and would cry when the swing hit her in the head but would do the same thing 5 minutes later. (She still likes hanged upside down like a bat from the back of the couch)

Firstly, please don't feel bad, this is not you, but most parents from time to time.

Secondly I am afraid the horror never really goes away. I still remember my DS2 falling out of a tree and it still sends shivers of what could have been.

Over time it may become a funny memory- I remember DS2 (again) used to have a terrible bruise on his fore head- it would start to reduce and he would whack it again and it would swell up. All his photos between about 2 till 4 have this bruise . We were worried that child services would knock around.

You poor thing, please try to forget about it.

The hospital beds are not fit for purpose with a newborn for this very reason.

With dc1 she would only settle with me, every time I put her in her hospital cot she screamed but I persevered because I was scared she'd fall out. This must happen loads with the big gap in the railings.

With dd2 I was in hospital for nearly a fortnight and she ended up in with me wedged in a curved pillow. Which I hated having to do but they don't help you, your partner isn't allowed to stay and when you're recovering from major surgery and can not even reach the cot how can this be helped?

Your dc is fine thankfully and if he hadn't been that would be negligence on the hospitals part, not yours. You could ask to see your hospital file and talk through it so that you can get some closure.

Same thing happened to my friend too I'm exact same circumstances. As someone who's had 3 c sections I can completely see how that could happen. I still can't really believe they expect you to change the baby's nappies after having the op. It was all very hard for me too.

Yes been there, ds rolled off the bed at a few months old and onto bare stripped floorboards.

DD I took down the cellar with me (my ironing board is down there) and sat her in a washing basket whilst i ironed. She could just sit up, but leant back banging her head loudly on the stone floor.

Don't beat yourself up, I am sure babies are quite hardy.

@FriendlyGhost1

My DS is now a healthy, robust 2 year old and I still cannot forgive myself for when I dropped him off the hospital bed as a newborn. :( I had a c section and was on morphine afterwards, I must of fell asleep with him sleeping on my chest in the antenatal ward and he slipped off me and rolled on to the hospital floor. :( I actually still nearly cry when I think about it, thankfully he was fine and no damage whatsoever but it makes me feel like the shittiest mum in the world that I fucked up so bad on his first day of life.

I had EMCS with my first and after so long we went back to the ward. The MW handed bubs to me for bonding time but then left the room for about 3 hours. It was early hours and I'd had no sleep, I couldn't move my legs and had to really stretch to ring the buzzer. Not blamjng the MW as the whole ward was understaffed but I could have easily did what you did and it wouldn't have been noticed for hours. Only reason I didn't was because I wasn't on morphine.

You aren't a bad mum.

Some hospital staff then op . Jeez.
But no need to still wanna cry over it . We've all been there. Its horrible. But it happens

The fact that you are worrying about this 2 years later, when no damage was done, shows what a caring mum you are. I think every mum I know has dropped their baby or they’ve put them on a sofa or bed and they've wriggled off.
I’m a really cautious person but my son had an accident that I felt very responsible for when he was 18 months old. In reality it was an accident but he did need some treatment at hospital. I felt awful and punished myself for a long time over it. He’s well into his teens now but when he was about 13, we were chatting about various things he’d done as a child and I told him about this particular incident and how awful I still felt about it. He just very coolly said ‘it’s not like you did it on purpose mum, just forget about it, I don’t even remember it happening. Chill mum.’🤣 I’m sure if you tell your son about this one day, he won’t be bothered and have an equally cool attitude about it.

Please forgive yourself as you’ll be a better mum if you can. All those times you sit and think about it now feeling bad, that’s time that you could be cuddling your son or playing with him making him giggle. You’re his mum, he loves you, it was an accident, it happened years ago, he’s fine. Forgive yourself and move on.