Dropped my newborn

[FriendlyGhost1]

My DS is now a healthy, robust 2 year old and I still cannot forgive myself for when I dropped him off the hospital bed as a newborn. :( I had a c section and was on morphine afterwards, I must of fell asleep with him sleeping on my chest in the antenatal ward and he slipped off me and rolled on to the hospital floor. :( I actually still nearly cry when I think about it, thankfully he was fine and no damage whatsoever but it makes me feel like the shittiest mum in the world that I fucked up so bad on his first day of life.

It might be worth trying to evaluate why you still think about this rather than be in the present with your child. Almost everyone has dropped their child so it might be helpful to consider why you are focusing on this event.

Thank you everyone. I'm not depressed, but for some reason can't seem to forgive myself for this! I know it sounds strange, but I think I wouldn't feel so guilty if it had happened at home. The fact that I managed to drop him when we hadn't even been released from hospital just seems like a massive parenting fail! The floors were so hard too. :( But like you all say, he is fine.

Agree that being tearful and feeling like a bad mum could be a sign that you need to speak to your GP about potential depression or help with anxiety.

My exh dropped both children out of sheer carelessness/idiocy when they were tiny - and as soon as it was clear they were fine, it turned into a hilarious story about the funny things that happen with babies. I wish I could swap his clear conscience for your guilt, as you were clearly not the one who did anything wrong here!

You are one of many who's done this my mum was winding my sister on her shoulder patting her back she slipped right over her shoulder and landed on a quarry tile floor 52 years old now and absolute fine .

@FriendlyGhost1

Thank you everyone. I'm not depressed, but for some reason can't seem to forgive myself for this! I know it sounds strange, but I think I wouldn't feel so guilty if it had happened at home. The fact that I managed to drop him when we hadn't even been released from hospital just seems like a massive parenting fail! The floors were so hard too. :( But like you all say, he is fine.

Crosspost - what do you think you could have done differently? You were on morphine, of course you fell asleep. The staff should not have given you the baby to hold and left you unsupervised.

We've all done it.

@Babdoc

OP, I’m concerned that you seem to still be obsessively ruminating over this two years later. How is your mood and mental state at present? Did you suffer from post natal depression? Are you under any particular stress at the moment? Most mums guilt trip themselves a bit - “a mother’s place is in the wrong” - but it’s excessive to still berate yourself for an accident 2 years ago that caused no lasting damage, and as a PP says, was as much the fault of failed supervision by the ward staff. I hope you take comfort from all the many mums who have shared stories of dropping their own infants. My own baby fell backwards onto concrete through an open patio door, and although I was upset at the time, I certainly didn’t beat myself up for two years afterwards! Focus on what a good mum you have been ever since, and enjoy your healthy happy toddler. And if you are feeling depressed or having obsessive thoughts, speak to your GP about it and get sone help.

^^ this.

I dropped DS1 on his head before we'd left the hospital. I'd had an EMCS, been in HDU for 36 hours then left to it for the next few days on main ward. They harumphed about making me do the longest walk I'd done in two months (SPD) to go and get breakfast from the day room.
I dropped him when my strength gave out trying to reach and lower him into the crib.

As it happens he's a very intelligent 9 yo with a knobbly head which would have been knobbly anyway

Even if you might not think you're depressed, this guilt could be a sign that you're heading in that direction. Anyone who's experienced that before will find it quite familiar. Watch out for yourself, speak to the GP just in case - if you're really not depressed, maybe saying it to a professional would help.

I didn't put the brake on my pushchair outside a shop when my son was about 8 months.
It rolled down a slope, gathered speed, I couldn't catch it and it tipped over. He was upset obviously but fine.
I still feel terrible about it and he's 23 now!

My mum dropped me and knocked me unconscious as a baby.

Had to take me to the hospital

Where she worked

On SCBU!

@ravenmum thanks for your response. I can't remember the exact timings but my DS was born in the morning and he was dropped that night. I picked him up and fed him as he was crying, and fell asleep with him on me after feeding. I think that's why I blame myself, as I picked him up and there are the signs everywhere to put them back in the cots. I was just so tired and drugged up. Going to try and focus on that fact now and move forward. X

If you are a shit mum, so am I. 2 days after leaving hospital I dozed with my newborn on my chest. He threw his head to the side and I didn't quite catch him in time. He fell off the bed and on to the carpeted floor. He screamed but calmed quickly. You should have seen the look I got from the health visitor a few days later (he had been checked already). Well, he is a perfectly healthy 10 year old who knows nothing of the incident.

Please don’t beat yourself up about it OP, these things happen and as you’ve said he’s happy and healthy now so no harm was just obviously done! He doesn’t know and isn’t holding anything against you that’s for sure.

As PP have said, it’s piss poor that you were left asleep by the staff on the ward with baby in your arms. They constantly tell you not to do it but it’s way easier said than done when you’re absolutely exhausted and drugged up to the eyeballs after giving birth!!

Oh you poor love. One day hopefully it will be a story you can laugh at together.

I second the person who say the staff were at fault here (or at least the understaffing of maternity wards).

The hospital should have had a protocol to stop this happening. It wasn't your fault. DS rolled off the bed when he was a few weeks old too. I've heard lots of parents say they had something similar happen.

My then just 3 year old dd decided she was going to push the pram with her newborn sister in it - managed to tip it up and new sister fell out - on her head! - on to a hard floor.
Thankfully she was none the worse.

The vast majority of parents (if they’re honest) will have some sort of dropped-new-baby story. You are far from alone, so please don’t beat yourself up about it.

I decided to cut my pfb's long fingernails in hospital with the special baby nail clipper I'd bought, out of my head on diamorphine after a C-section, exhausted and hormonal. I don't know what possessed me but anyway I mess up and cut his finger and it started to bleed. My wails of horror and shame brought all the MWs running and when they arrived I sobbed that they had to take him away as I didn't deserve a baby. I was sure they would call SS on the spot. They just gave me a hug and said it was an accident!

Forgive yourself - he's OK. And unlike my case, as PPs have said, what happened to you shouldn't have happened because they should have made the bed safe.

I don't think you should feel bad that it was before you got home OP, better if anything. I had an ECS and my partner wasn't allowed to stay overnight after DD was born. It took me 10 minutes to physically sit up to tend to her and I was given morphine so was all in all in a right state. I distinctly remember being repeatedly told my baby was crying by staff but given no help.

I've honestly never been able to sleep through my DD crying since but I did that day, I had been in labour for days without sleep and was pumped full of morphine, of course I couldn't keep my eyes open. I fell asleep with her on me several times during the night and was berated for that too.

To my mind, I was just so far from being in a fit state to look after DD on my own that night. Even the morphine alone.... well I wouldn't look after a newborn on any other drugs.

You shouldn't judge yourself by normal parenting standards for that immediate aftermath, as though you should have been able to do better at the time. Think about state you were in!

20 years ago I dropped my weeks old baby down the headboard end of the bed and he was wedged upside down with just his legs showing. I can still see it clear as day! I felt rotten for ages but he's fine and now I can laugh about it

You know what, it’s absolutely normal. Loads of people have done stuff like this. Accidents happen all the time. It’s not as though you just weren’t looking after them properly, you were in a unique situation and it was out of your control. It’s completely not your fault, you had just given birth and were dealing with the effects of strong pain relief and really should have had more help and supervision. It’s not as though you went out and chose to take some drugs for the fun of it before holding your newborn! Lots of women are in that situation after just having given birth and it’s something that medical professionals should be able to predict and prevent.

I dropped/flung my newborn to the ground during our first breastfeeding session after birth. I had a seizure within minutes of labour and was in a room on my own. He was absolutely fine. I felt shit about it for a while but recognise now that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I had no control of my body and was having a medical emergency. I have no guilt about it now and I think you should try to accept that it was not your fault and no lasting damage was even done.

I had a c-section in Germany and wasn't even allowed to / could not get up for the first two days! No-one expected me to; the baby was brought to my bedside.

Thank you so much everyone. You've really a made me feel a million times better. I have never spoke to anyone about it before because I was ashamed and now I realise how normal it is x