Mum kicking DS16 out - normal??

[ThirdTimeUnlucky]

Posting here for traffic - regular poster.
My DP and his ex have a DS together. He spends 50% of the time with my DP at his home. This has been a regular thing since they split 5 yrs ago. His ex now has a 4 yr old DD with new partner. Recently DS caused some damage to the home by over-running a bath. Understandably she and partner were initially angry. She asked my DP to have DS full-time, but living on his own and working f/t, couldn't. She then sent him to live with his g/f'(and parents) and this suited DS. He was away 3 weeks. On his return he was told he can't come home. He is going to live 50% with DP as usal and 50% with grandparents.
He is a normal teenager, started college recently, no other 'trouble'.
DS has been told this is temporary but no idea of time scale and she'll still see him/ take him out.
YANBU - to think this is odd. I'd be initially angry at my own DS if he caused damage but wouldn't kick him out and surely 3 weeks is long enough to get over it?
YABU - this is normal?
Just to add, my DP has agreed for me to post this as he doesn't know what to make of the situation.

Call me old fashioned but I've been brought up with the mother taking ultimate parental responsibility. I'm 53.

Lol. Okay.

[quote JingsMahBucket]**@ThirdTimeUnlucky* I’d probably ask @MNHQ* to get the thread deleted now because it seems to have served its purpose and is now turning into a step-mother bashing thread by proxy. Good luck with your partner’s son.[/quote]
There's no step-mother to bash.

The only one taking a slating is the OP's DP. The child's father. For abandoning his son.

You still haven’t answered why he cannot live with his dad.

I feel so sorry for the boy- both parents don’t want him.

He should move in with his dad immediately

[quote JingsMahBucket]**@ThirdTimeUnlucky* I’d probably ask @MNHQ* to get the thread deleted now because it seems to have served its purpose and is now turning into a step-mother bashing thread by proxy. Good luck with your partner’s son.[/quote]
She isn't a stepmother though, they don't even live together. The boyfriend has let his son down as much as the boy's mother

Nooo, my DP does not live with me and my DS full time. We are both fully intedenrpent of each other. Both has kidsl.

[quote JingsMahBucket]**@ThirdTimeUnlucky* I’d probably ask @MNHQ* to get the thread deleted now because it seems to have served its purpose and is now turning into a step-mother bashing thread by proxy. Good luck with your partner’s son.[/quote]
Eh? What stepmother bashing?

The only people being bashed here are the boys parents who have both let him down in a spectacular fashion

What a bloody sorry excuse for a mother she is. Your husband isn’t much better either saying he can’t have him because he works full time. He won’t need a baby sitter, will he. He’s 16 not 6.
That poor boy all this over a bloody accident.

OP, could you please answer my earlier question? Does he spend his time with you on his child free days? I suspect that’s the real reason he hasn’t stepped up. He wants the best of both worlds and you were trying to help him justify his lack of parenting towards his son.

OMG. I wouldn't want any of you as a mother..

Read the thread

Quite clearly it isn’t the OP who people think is a shit parent but her partner is...

@ThirdTimeUnlucky

OMG. I wouldn't want any of you as a mother..

Why? I doubt anyone here refused to take in their child when they were homeless half of the time

My mum did similar to me at 14. We are no contact now.

My children won't be pushed out of home until they are ready to stand on their own two feet and I'll make sure they are ready to do that. That's being a parent. The mother is clearly a different sort, sad for the boy.
But your dp initially not wanting to take him in can't have warmed the cockles of his heart either. Why would you even hesitate except for some major logistical reason like distance and critical school time or similar.
Thank goodness the lad has decent GP's.

@ThirdTimeUnlucky

OMG. I wouldn't want any of you as a mother..

You haven’t answered my question, so I assume I’ve hit a nerve. My husband and I never planned on having children but we offered a home, willingly and with love, to four teenagers, whose fathers and mothers turned their backs on them, because we knew and loved them. We couldn’t turn our backs in their times of need. Those children have always felt welcomed and loved by us.

Your partner couldn’t even tell his own son that he wanted him to live with his father. Just because your child’s father was shit, that doesn’t make your partner a good father. I think your bar is set too low.

@DeliciouslyFemale - Then you truly are a saint. God bless you.

This is disgusting. The child must feel so upset and unloved. I wonder if the stepdad is behind it. Why can't he live with his Dad full time?

OP your partner is a shit parent.

Also don't try and use your age as an excuse for not understanding that your partner has equal parental responsibility for his son. If the boy's mother refuses to do her duty, then his dad needs to without question regardless of what form this duty takes.

My brother who lived with my dad is nearly 60. I've met and know people both older and younger whose fathers ended up being the parent responsible for them as a child. Not all these fathers had other partners their children knew about, so in other words the fathers were single parents.

@ThirdTimeUnlucky

OMG. I wouldn't want any of you as a mother..

Why?

In my family if a child can't live with their mother or doesn't want to, the father steps up. If they can't live with either parent, normally due to them being dead, another relative close to the child steps up.

In my partner's family they are as blind as you and your partner to children's needs, so family friends take on that responsibility. Those family friends tend to have been in care and/or work in social services.

I don't understand why your partner didn't say yes at the beginning. If he can manage 50/50 with working, he could have managed 100- and he chose not to. His son has now decided to spend 50/50 with his grandparents. I'd make sure your partner apologises and reiterates that his son can stay 100 with him if he changes his mind.

Both parents are failing this child. Neither of them are willing to offer him a proper home. If it weren't for the grandparents, he'd be homeless half the time. An unpleasant mother and an irresponsible Disney dad who's probably got off lightly on the caring front and doesn't want his son to cramp his lifestyle.

The mother is completely out of order but why can't your dp have his son full time. I work f/t and have had my ds full time his whole life.

I feel terribly sorry for the child.

I didn't understand at all why your DP couldn't have him full time but I see that's more the boy's choice

But is it really his choice? He probably feels that he's not really wanted by his dad. So says he happy with grandparents because they seem happy about him
Living with them. Poor lad.

Your DP is a shit parent.

Your DP really dropped the ball here by initially not stepping up to saying to his DS right just come to mine when his mum lashed out. Because he did it later (by the sounds of it after MN posters pointed out that is what any decent father would do) DS probably felt that it was an after thought - which it was

I feel so sorry for him, been messed around and probably feels unwanted by both parents. That’s why he said he was ok with 50/50. I’m sure he would have loved his dad to step up right away and feels let down that he didn’t