Mum kicking DS16 out - normal??

[ThirdTimeUnlucky]

Posting here for traffic - regular poster.
My DP and his ex have a DS together. He spends 50% of the time with my DP at his home. This has been a regular thing since they split 5 yrs ago. His ex now has a 4 yr old DD with new partner. Recently DS caused some damage to the home by over-running a bath. Understandably she and partner were initially angry. She asked my DP to have DS full-time, but living on his own and working f/t, couldn't. She then sent him to live with his g/f'(and parents) and this suited DS. He was away 3 weeks. On his return he was told he can't come home. He is going to live 50% with DP as usal and 50% with grandparents.
He is a normal teenager, started college recently, no other 'trouble'.
DS has been told this is temporary but no idea of time scale and she'll still see him/ take him out.
YANBU - to think this is odd. I'd be initially angry at my own DS if he caused damage but wouldn't kick him out and surely 3 weeks is long enough to get over it?
YABU - this is normal?
Just to add, my DP has agreed for me to post this as he doesn't know what to make of the situation.

This is in no way normal or ok, even if he’s done worse than overfilling the bath.

I totally agree with a pp that it would likely make all the difference to him long-term (let’s face it, this is future therapy unless he’s extremely unusually mature) if your dp talked him through the fact that his mum is doing her boy wrong.

(I know in the 19-whatevers it was more common but we don’t live in those times and life is not similar. As I’m always reminding my dad, who at least upped it to 18 for us. It hurt like fuck and still does.)

Poor kid. He’s still a child inside. I bet he’s doing a good job of brushing it off though.

Mum is being unreasonable.
Dad is also being unreasonable, he's 16 ! Wh6 does it matter if dad is working ft, mum can pay some cm

@MaskingForIt

She asked my DP to have DS full-time, but living on his own and working f/t, couldn't.

What? What kind of father won’t have their 16 year old child full-time “because he works”. What on earth does he think single working mothers do?!

Can’t fault this point.

That poor lad, he must feel like noone wants him at all. Add me to the list of those who dont understand why his dad won't have him. Shit parents, both of them.

I agree with others. Sounds like neither parent actually wants to parent the child. Poor lad probably feels like nothing but an inconvenience

Very common where mother has started a new family. Seen it many times. Older-l child does not fit the image.

What is the problem that his father can’t take him.
He is 16 so doesn’t need someone in the house f/t to look after him.

It does sound like they were waiting for him to fuck up to get rid of him.

I don’t understand why he had to move out in the first place.
Unless the house was uninhabitable and everyone had to move out

Why is he still seeing his mother when she clearly doesn’t want him and his dad is no better by giving a pathetic excuse.

He is 16 and on his own.

Shame on the pair of them.

Could be far more to it than you know. Also I work FT and live alone, didn’t realise this precluded me from my kids living with me. I’ll have to let them know!

Poor kid both parents are letting him down.

@forrestgreen

Mum is being unreasonable. Dad is also being unreasonable, he's 16 ! Wh6 does it matter if dad is working ft, mum can pay some cm

Bet she'd change her mind pretty quickly when the claim for the CM came through.

Poor lad.

Poor kid.
No one wants him. DP needs to step up quickly before he does any more serious damage to his son.

Yanbu

Except that I can’t see why the dad can’t have him full time?

Most people with just a 16 yo and no younger kids/ disability etc work full time!

Definately not normal. My teens never leaving me (joking! Don't want him to though I want him to be 5 so I can do it again). What a horrible mum, just getting rid of him like that. Unfortunately the poor boy probably doesn't have much hope your partners being a shit parent too. I was a single mum and always worked and have always raised my son alone (like literally ever fucker does if needs be). Not grandparents responsibility if shes going to be a shit mum he needs to step up. Not parent 50 percent of the time when the childs dumped with nanny. They as rotten as each other and should be ashamed. Poor boy having those 2.

Doesn’t make his mother any better but the dad, your partner, has given a really crap excuse!

What is the real reason the father will not have the boy full-time?

As 16 year old children should be able to make themselves basic meals, do the washing up, basic cleaning, do basic shopping and mostly entertain themselves.

The dad needs to talk to his son and ask him if he wants to live with him full-time.

I suspect this is coming from the partner.

Well his mum sounds shjt, bit his dad doesn't sound much better.

I best go tell mine he needs to fuck off as I cannot work and have him all the time and he needs to go his nans. If this is not a joke someone call social service and get that poor lad a loving home.

Erm your DP comes out pretty badly out of this, why can’t he have his son? How does living on your own and having a f/t job stop you from taking in your son? Other than being a bad father, of course.

I’d be re-evaluating your relationship unless you wanna be the next ex taking care of another one of his children on your own because he proves to be a useless FT dad.

Poor boy , whether he has caused problems or not surely making him leave the family home is not the answer.
Tell his father to step up and be a dad to his son. 16 is too young to be cast out.

His mother should definitely not have turned him out. But the fact your DP lives alone and works full time is no reason at all not to have his son live with him. Parents the world over work full time and parent children. Neither parent comes out of this well at all.

Awful of the mum, but your dp doesn't come out of it smelling like roses either. I got to the bit about him living alone and working full time and pretty much made my mind up about your dp too. It sounds like a feeble excuse. Poor kid.

I'd bet there were issues with the step-father.

It's a poor show from your DP though. Why can't he have his son full time? He's 16, not 6.

Poor kid.

If you were not there when mum kicked him out, you do not know the whole story. And dad should have stepped up and said he'd be most welcome. Unless there is a story there too.

Either a poor kid whose parents are both shitty. Or a kid who has done something unforgivable.

OK. Shown DP the comments and he's spoken to DS and asked if he'd like to live with him f/t. DS is actually happy with 50/50. The original thought was that the ex is around during the day so he'd be better off with her and OK, hoping to force the issue of her doing her duty. He's quite happy to 'step up' and his DS knows this.
I still think it's massively odd for her to kick him out and I agree that her new DP probably has a lot to do with this.
Unfortunately it's the DS that suffers.