Mum kicking DS16 out - normal??

[ThirdTimeUnlucky]

Posting here for traffic - regular poster.
My DP and his ex have a DS together. He spends 50% of the time with my DP at his home. This has been a regular thing since they split 5 yrs ago. His ex now has a 4 yr old DD with new partner. Recently DS caused some damage to the home by over-running a bath. Understandably she and partner were initially angry. She asked my DP to have DS full-time, but living on his own and working f/t, couldn't. She then sent him to live with his g/f'(and parents) and this suited DS. He was away 3 weeks. On his return he was told he can't come home. He is going to live 50% with DP as usal and 50% with grandparents.
He is a normal teenager, started college recently, no other 'trouble'.
DS has been told this is temporary but no idea of time scale and she'll still see him/ take him out.
YANBU - to think this is odd. I'd be initially angry at my own DS if he caused damage but wouldn't kick him out and surely 3 weeks is long enough to get over it?
YABU - this is normal?
Just to add, my DP has agreed for me to post this as he doesn't know what to make of the situation.

Yeah, it's awful that his mum kicked him out. It's awful that his dad didn't instantly offer him a full time home with him.

I can never imagine treating my child this way. It's really odd.

I think your dp should take him full time, at 16 it doesn’t really mater if dp works full time, I’m sure a 16 year old can pretty much look after themselves when no parent is around. My dd is the same age and no way would I be kicking her out.

Poor kid, neither parent wants him so the GFS parents and now grandparents are expected to fill the gap

@CarrotCakeCrumbs

Also I know the OP doesn't say the reason but not living with dad f/t could be due to being too far away from friends/having to change schools/still wanting a relationship with his mum - you often feel a very strong sense of loyalty to parents even if you don't get on well/also having a very close relationship with grandparents etc. She did say that her husband had suggested it though and that her step-son is the one who turned it down.

He only suggested it after reading the replies on this thread.

Out of interest, OP, do you tend to see your partner more when his son isn’t there?

Poor kid.

Abandoned by both parents how horrible for him

Your partner needs to step up, what would he have done if his mother has died? Said sorry I only want you part time?

So he works full time, so do lots of single mothers who manage just fine

Added to which he’s 16 and can be left on his own, can getvto and from school on his own

Tell your partner to start acting like a father

Yanbu but your dp is if he can’t have him 100% of the time then who is he to judge his mum

Shown DP the comments and he's spoken to DS and asked if he'd like to live with him f/t.

All in the space of 30mins! Your dp needs to have an in depth conversation with his ds on how he feels about this, where he thinks it is best to be for school, studying etc, encourage him to be with him 100% in a stable home . Making sure his ds knows he is his absolute priority and he will be there for him when he is not working too support him, support his schoolwork, feed him etc.

I can't think of anything I would be less likely to do than kick out my own child at sixteen, regardless.

I am sensing there is another side to this story though, I would be interested to hear his mother's side of the story.

Poor lad. He said no to your DP cos he knows he is not wanted. Ah it's terrible. It's tough having crap parents but if you get through it it can work out fine in the end. You said initially that is was fair enough that she sent him away for three weeks. It really wasn't fair enough and the fact that you and DP thought it was speaks volumes.

@Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd

Why the fuck is your 'D'P not having him to live with him FT? Why do you want to be with a man who's such a shit parent? What an arsehole, because he lives on his own and works FT he can't have his own 16-year-old son?

At least the OP knows what will happen to her own child if she reproduces with this man, splits up and then dies.

I wouldn't kick my 16 year old out over that but it's also shit his Dad thinks having a job and being the only adult means he doesn't have to step up.

Poor kid.

There are some really awful people around. My niece kicked out her son, similar age, with nothing, because he didn't want to go to his 5 year old half sister's birthday party.

@Friendsoftheearth

I can't think of anything I would be less likely to do than kick out my own child at sixteen, regardless.

I am sensing there is another side to this story though, I would be interested to hear his mother's side of the story.

Don’t bet on it. My middle boy came to live with me at 15 because his sm became pregnant with her third and said there was no room for him. His mother lived abroad. He was sent to live with his older, violent brother and used to sofa surf to stay safe, until my husband and I offered him a home. Some parents are shite.

I remember this happened to a school friend of my DS's. The parent was a headmaster! Some people just seem to think it's ok once they reach 16 and especially if a step sibling has come along. I'd be very concerned for him and agree with others that your DP needs to step up and do the parenting himself. It does sound as if he's in the way in the new set up and will need to feel wanted somewhere.

delicious that is truly terrible, because a 15 year old is just about the hardest age. Poor kid.

It is not normal. That poor poor boy. I was chucked out at 16. I didn't do anything wrong. My mother had a new family with a new man who didn't like me and I was left to fend for myself. They went off abroad. It was the worst time in my life. All I wanted was to belong to a loving family.

@Friendsoftheearth

I can't think of anything I would be less likely to do than kick out my own child at sixteen, regardless.

I am sensing there is another side to this story though, I would be interested to hear his mother's side of the story.

I know several teens, mostly boys, who were asked or told to leave at 14/15/16. Usually because they had a poor relationship with the step-father

That is so sad for 16 years old. He is 16, why can't he live with his father? He may live alone and works full time, but the child is a teen, doesn't need constant care.

So your dp needed to be told by strangers he should offer to have his ds full time, but his ds is fine just coming 50% of the time and what? Being homeless the other 50% of the time.....OK then

Odd to kick him out, unless there have been other ongoing issues. No reason why your DP can't work full time and have 100% care of a 16 year old though. I do with a 14 year old, and have since he was 9, with no access to childcare since he started secondary school.

Can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who found out their 16 year old son was being kicked out and didn’t immediately say words to the effect of “you’re coming to live with me”. Unless the son has done some horrific things- and there’s no evidence to suggest this - the ‘d’P sounds just as bad as the boys mother.

It isn’t normal but your DOs reaction to not just have him also isn’t normal. It took for you to show him comments on this thread before he decided DS could live with him.
She may have kicked him out but your DP is equally as bad by not just saying straight away for him to come to stay with him full time

Poor lad. He's old enough to live with his dad and look after himself enough to allow his dad to work ft, so what's the problem?