To ask is it weird if you never masturbate?

[Rainbowb]

I vaguely remember doing it in my teens but never have since. I’ve just been watching I hate Suzie and she does quite a lot of it and it’s kind of reminded me that I never do it but everyone else probably does. I’ve just never felt the desire to. It feels a bit gross and stupid and I would feel totally ridiculous even attempting it.

Just so as not to drip feed, I’ve been with the same guy since I was 18 (now in my forties) and I’ve always had a low sex drive especially since having a baby and a third degree tear. I do fancy men and think about them in that way but just can’t do what other people do, it’s just...icky.

Putting myself out on a limb here, just want to know what it means - am I asexual or a prude or what?!

There’s not a correct libido, but changes in libido can be a sign of some kind of condition that could be looked into

PP never mentioned a change in libido, she specifically said a low libido.

Do you orgasm with your partner op?

I think we’re allowed to talk about the libido of more than one person, slashlover.

Declines in libido for me have been down to negative life circumstances or medicine that’s crushing my ability to orgasm and making the remaining orgasms a bit rubbish.

So orgasms are a barometer for me of general well-being.

I haven't read every post, but wanted to add my "normal".
I have an average to high libido. Like regular sex and have very good sex, orgasm almost every time. Married for 12yrs. Less sex now I'm approaching my 40s, used to be every day at least.

I have never, ever masturbated. I tried it out in teens and maybe again early 20s but it did nothing for me and I always had a willing partner. I'm all for it in theory and think it's great if you enjoy.

Do you not think about sex during, Treacle? Or are you just kind of relaxed and thinking nothing in particular?

@AlrightTreacle

I never talk about it with friends in real life, but I masturabate fairly regularly (clit stimulation with either my hand or a vibrator). It's how I learned some of what I like and don't like in bed, and I can't imagine not knowing my own body enough to be able to make myself orgasm. It's not always a sexual thing when I do it, it just feels amazing, relieves stress, relieves physical pain, boosts my mood and helps me sleep soundly. I think of it almost like a version of self care .

Quite surprised so many people on this thread say that they've never tried it. Each to their own but I think you're really missing out.

Same for me everything you have said. A lot more eloquently than I could have.

@BGirlBouillabaisse

How do you know what an orgasm is if you don't masturbate? I wouldn't have a clue how to direct a partner to make me come if I didn't know what made me come. I'm puzzled.

Penetrative sex is useless for stimulating my clitoris, which is the organ responsible for 100% of orgasms.

Pretty sure the perineum is responsible for quite a few. For me anyway

I don't either as the feeling makes me feel sick. I've never liked it. I also can't stand oral sex and have never orgasmed. I also can't stand things like massages or my hair being touched so I do wonder if it's a sensory thing for me. I'd rather just pleasure someone else (not that I'm interested in others really) and then be left alone. I always thought I was the only one who didn't do it.

‘Pretty sure the perineum is responsible for quite a few. For me anyway’

That’s where most of the clitoris is.

Okay, I'm going to say it. If you don't like masturbation, you're doing it wrong

‘Biologically, the sex hormones and associated neurotransmitters that act upon the nucleus accumbens (primarily testosterone and dopamine, respectively) regulate libido in humans. ‘
There are psychological and societal influencers but the neuro chemicals are the most influential. Low testosterone and dopamine will not cause problems with fertility but believe me when you have a high libido and these hormones drop the difference in sex drive is devastating. I suppose if you have naturally low levels then you would never know the difference.
We are all unique in our biological makeup, having a high sex drive is as normal as a low sex drive. It’s the luck of the draw. Those of us with a high sex drive should not feel smug, just as those with a low sex drive should not be disgusted by masturbation and sex more than once a month.
As long as we find a sexually compatible partner then it’s one less stress on a relationship.

@Stripesgalore

I would have assumed most women orgasm every time with their partner but not as a consequence of penetrative sex.

I think of penetrative sex as what you do after the woman’s already had her first orgasm.

Depends on the couple, I'd say. Sex with my ex was mostly in a very vanilla missionary position, but with a 99% hit rate :) Haven't experienced that with anyone else. I don't know if it was technique or size that did it.

It is your body.

Nothing you do with it is unusual if that’s the way you like it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Mid 50s here. Was never discussed when I was younger. I’m not even sure if I knew women did it - I knew boys did. The word cliterus was never taught to us at school. Again not sure I knew I had one. Terrible sex education in hindsight. My parents were very worried I would get pregnant and I think that put me off of any experimental experiences. I was told I would be kicked out if I fell pregnant - so puts you off sex really. But the 1970s were very different to now. So I never masturbated until I was in my 40s after my marriage finished. Probably explains why I can’t orgasm and so find it pretty dull as I can’t get that end result.

@slashlover

I do wonder if women with low libido have undiagnosed hormone problems though.

Because there is a libido which is 'correct' and anything else must be fixed with medication?

I've found the post about prolactin levels and menopause very helpful and something I will follow up on.

I can’t be arsed since I’ve been with DH. He’s got a far better technique and makes me last much longer.

I don't know if it makes a difference to my high sex drive, but I think I must produce/have a lot of prolactin. I never breastfeed, but my milk never dried up. 10 years later and I could still breastfeed a baby at the drop of a hat. I asked GP a while ago and and she said all fine/just one of those things (I guess in another time I would have been a wet nurse). Could that explain my crazy libido?

*never breastfed

Looks as if high levels of prolactin usually come with a low libido?

I'd never heard of prolactinoma either, I guess as it is not very common - 100 per million says Google. Would be an interesting topic for the BBC podcast/programme "Inside Health"; maybe you could suggest it to them, @Angrymum22 ?

I breast fed for 6 years straight and my libido was near non existent. Following our first baby we didn’t have sex for over a year, and near enough the same after our second baby.

In between baby number 1 and 2 our sex life was pretty much non-existent. I had no drive for it and was completely touched out.

Baby number 2 is now three years old and I stopped breast feeding him about two months ago so I’m hoping my ‘touched out’ sensations will start to fade away and then me and DH can work on trying to rebuild our sex life.

It’s been almost 7 years since we had a frequent and active sex life so it’s going to feel really strange bringing it back into our lives - but hopefully fun!!!

Be it with toys or myself, it is only ever clitoral stimulation, I do not insert anything into my self.

Same here. It's all about the clitoris. Only thing I've ever bought is a bullet vibrator which I dont even use most of the time.

The G spot can feel good during sex but I have absolutely zero urge to penetrate myself with anything while masturbating.

I occassionally use a dildo, but not very deep. Sometimes I feel the need to kind of clench during clit stimulation with the vibe, and it helps iyswim. I also prefer to have my legs closed tight until orgasm (when they spring apart). My ex was quite baffled the first time he saw me masterbate how I like, (as opposed to putting on a show), I think in his head all women lay on their backs, legs akimbo, trying to stick a dildo as far up as possible/in and out as fast as possible.

When I was a teen I uses to roll up a clean hand towel or similar, lay on my front, put it between my legs, and move it back and forth so it would rub my clit. That was before I finally got the courage to buy a vibe, but I still get the urge to do it the old way now and again. I also like using the vibe on my nipples.

I don't like putting my fingers in myself either, which is another thing that baffled my ex, as I liked it when he did it to me (the turn on was more about intimacy, and the other psychological aspects as opposed to just the physical sensation?). In his head if a woman wasn't using a dildo, she'd be jamming her fingers up there instead. But my own fingers in there don't do anything for me at all, it's all about "flicking the bean". But then he also used to try sticking his tongue up there during oral, which I had to explain didn't do anything for me either, and to ignore that and focus on my clit. Thankfully he was a fast learner.

I love it. Started in my teens. 32 now and still enjoy it. Having an orgasm is one of the best things life has to offer. Doing it solo, you can focus on yourself and what really feels good. No man has made my legs shake the way I can with my own hand 😉 i thought most women would pleasure themselves at some point lol.

@theviewfromhalfwaydown

I don't either as the feeling makes me feel sick. I've never liked it. I also can't stand oral sex and have never orgasmed. I also can't stand things like massages or my hair being touched so I do wonder if it's a sensory thing for me. I'd rather just pleasure someone else (not that I'm interested in others really) and then be left alone. I always thought I was the only one who didn't do it.

That is exactly me!! Ok I shouldn’t have used the word icky but this is how I feel.