Page 2 | To ask is it weird if you never masturbate?

Rainbowb · 2020-09-09T22:18:46+00:00

I vaguely remember doing it in my teens but never have since. I’ve just been watching I hate Suzie and she does quite a lot of it and it’s kind of reminded me that I never do it but everyone else probably does. I’ve just never felt the desire to. It feels a bit gross and stupid and I would feel totally ridiculous even attempting it. Just so as not to drip feed, I’ve been with the same guy since I was 18 (now in my forties) and I’ve always had a low sex drive especially since having a baby and a third degree tear. I do fancy men and think about them in that way but just can’t do what other people do, it’s just...icky. Putting myself out on a limb here, just want to know what it means - am I asexual or a prude or what?!

hoping4onlychild · 10/09/2020 00:36

Never masturbated either. Married to the first and only person I ever had s*x with. In my 20s with no kids.

We are all different.

LocalHobo · 10/09/2020 00:40

I have tried twice but got nowhere. I only tried the second time - 25 years after the first- because I read on here that it was unusual not to masturbate.
I'm lucky that I orgasm easily and regularly with DH- and previous partners. I think my arousal is due to the situation I'm in, rather than the mechanics of my body, if that makes sense?

JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 10/09/2020 00:54

Icky? And i thought I have issues with sex!

FarTooMuchWashing · 10/09/2020 00:59

I don’t, and never have done. I have a good sex life with DH and like to orgasm during sex. Have tried a couple of times, but whilst it feels nice I never got anywhere. It was a bit like trying to tickle myself - a nice sensation, but ultimately ineffective, so I don’t bother.

ArtichokeAardvark · 10/09/2020 01:00

I used to but never bother anymore. I'd rather sleep! I've also never orgasmed so masturbation is frankly a source of frustration - I know it's common not to orgasm with a partner but it seems most women can get themselves off. Makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

Can I ask a really personal question - are you happy with your body? My sex drive has always been linked to my weight... I'm the heaviest I've ever been at the moment with 2 kids under 2 and I've never felt less like sex. I wouldn't go so far as to use the word 'icky'(which is weirdly childish) but sexual acts of any kind are really unappealing right now. However, pre children when I was 25kg lighter (yes, you read that right...) I had a much higher sex drive.

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2020 01:18

I don't think it is at all unusual. You may well find loads of women do not do it.

I certainly don't. I had a really short time of being interested in doing it many years ago and now, not so much.

I feel totally normal and happy. I'm married to a great man, get as much sex as I want and I agree we are all different. It's not a problem as long as you are happy.

missmouse101 · 10/09/2020 01:33

I occasionally do but I'm not that interested in handling myself tbh.

Chienloup · 10/09/2020 01:46

I'm really surprised by the replies to this. I honestly thought that it would be very rare not to masturbate. I stand corrected. Yes, I do. Usually in the ten days or so after my period when my sex drive goes up.

Marilla27 · 10/09/2020 02:17

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ThisShitDontMatter · 10/09/2020 03:25

@Marilla27

What the fuck do you do to your sofa arms

wixx · 10/09/2020 03:41

I find it comforting to masturbate sometimes. Less sexual but relaxing and releases any stress and sleep better

NightIbble · 10/09/2020 03:47

About to have one now to help me get back to sleep! Never been a fan of inserting anything though so maybe I'm a bit weird for that. It's all about finding something that works for you, if that's not doing it at all then fine!

Theterrible42s · 10/09/2020 03:57

I never really used to bother until quite recently, I couldn't really see the point and found it a bit embarrassing. But for various reasons I decided this year I needed to make an effort to work out how to do it properly...and oh my goodness I feel like a completely new person. The orgasms I can give myself now are 100x better than what I thought was the peak of pleasure previously. Mine and DH's sex life is improving as a result, but more importantly I'm starting to feel really good about my body and my sexuality again, after years of basically trying to pretend my body doesn't exist.
So although it's obviously totally fine not to, and you don't owe it to anyone, it is possible you're missing out big time.

Original poster

Rainbowb · 10/09/2020 04:15

Ok icky was the wrong choice of word but I was just tying to convey the sense of embarrassment and awkwardness I feel about touching the area that I pee from. Maybe I chose that word because it does feel like I haven’t matured in some way.

I answer to previous posters I haven’t been through sexual trauma although sex was a taboo subject in the house when I was growing up. Yes i do hate the way I look, I never lost that pregnancy tunmy and I aint pretty that’s for sure! I know that probably is why I’m not keen on sex either as well as being too tired.

OP posts:

jessstan2 · 10/09/2020 04:48

@NightIbble

About to have one now to help me get back to sleep! Never been a fan of inserting anything though so maybe I'm a bit weird for that. It's all about finding something that works for you, if that's not doing it at all then fine!

Nothing weird, I don't like inserting anything either, it feels artificial. I just caress my clitoris (moistened of course). It certainly can be comforting to masturbate at times.

Frownette · 10/09/2020 04:59

It really varies and depends how you are wired.

I do feel a bit envious about women who can control it. I can't. I either wake myself up having it happen with no input from me or I'm firmly g-spot.

I know the difference between the two. For me that is, other people might be very different.

OP don't feel bad about yourself, try to learn what makes you happy and there really is a huge variance.

oakleaffy · 10/09/2020 05:01

@Noti23

It’s a bit 1950s to describe female masturbation “icky”

Haaaha! thanks for the laugh!

I've never heard it described as ''Icky'' either.
Icky is when you tread in dog poo..not self pleasuring.

😂

oakleaffy · 10/09/2020 05:07

@Rainbowb
My DH said proudly that ''He'd never masturbated''.....His mum was a very puritanical woman, and would have used words like ''dirty''...

However....I did find a few soft porn mags under DH's mattress when we first went out - he said they ''Belonged to someone else''..

But he was repressed sexually for sure. {and still is from what I gather from his current DP}

Nothing wrong with having a low sex drive...I do think it's a 'use it or lose it' thing, though.

oakleaffy · 10/09/2020 05:11

[quote ThisShitDontMatter]@Marilla27

What the fuck do you do to your sofa arms [/quote]
This is the funniest thread..Lol!

Frownette · 10/09/2020 05:23

It's just a bunch of nerve endings with some mental input.

So you could try exploring if you want to. If you've had some physical trauma in the past it's understandable if you feel reticent about it.

CSIblonde · 10/09/2020 05:25

You seem to have quite negative feelings about it as well as a low libido. It's a natural part of sex & sexuality for most people I think. Why do you feel self conscious if you're alone though ? Who will even know or care that you're doing it?! But if you're happy , that's all that matters. If it's just not your thing, that's fine.

why2020 · 10/09/2020 05:30

@oakleaffy I'm confused, does your husband also have a partner?

dinosnorezzzz · 10/09/2020 05:31

@Rainbowb

Ok icky was the wrong choice of word but I was just tying to convey the sense of embarrassment and awkwardness I feel about touching the area that I pee from. Maybe I chose that word because it does feel like I haven’t matured in some way.

I answer to previous posters I haven’t been through sexual trauma although sex was a taboo subject in the house when I was growing up. Yes i do hate the way I look, I never lost that pregnancy tunmy and I aint pretty that’s for sure! I know that probably is why I’m not keen on sex either as well as being too tired.

You do know you don't pee from vagina

suggestionsplease1 · 10/09/2020 05:36

I have relationships with women so probably get a more intimate idea of different women's experiences here and there is just such a wide range of them.

I've masturbated from age 11 and find it easy to orgasm so would have 2 or 3 in a few minutes...I guess if that is your experience you are probably more likely to enjoy it and do it frequently. A couple of partners I've had were very similar. Other women I have been with had never touched themselves and had different attitudes...believing that sex was with partners and feeling quite uncomfortable at the idea of touching themselves. And some who did on occasion wouldn't orgasm easily that way so just got fed up which I understand...why persist with something for half an hour if you're not getting anywhere. I have seen similarly varied attitudes to vibrators, some more than happy, others considering that use of them wasn't 'proper' sex, or not wanting to rely on them to orgasm and feeling disappointed that they could get very far by hand alone themselves.

From a female relationship perspective I always encouraged it where possible... Sex tends to be better and more mutually enjoyable when both partners were experienced touching themselves as well. But sex drives, attitudes and experiences when masturbating are just incredibly varied amongst women, to my mind.

Namechangeme87 · 10/09/2020 05:46

I do it all the time 😅 I’m single at the moment though .
I don’t think women are weird if they don’t I just think maybe they are missing out a bit !

Probably because it’s not something we really discussed as teens in the Same way our male mates talked about it It’s not something I really did untill my 20s after having been with a couple of partners and sort of “discovering” my clit

So that’s why I say “missing out “ because I think untill you figure what you like then you don’t really know how awesome it is !

Also I think There is still far to much negative language used around women enjoying sex I think , it’s not icky etc .