To ask is it weird if you never masturbate?

[Rainbowb]

I vaguely remember doing it in my teens but never have since. I’ve just been watching I hate Suzie and she does quite a lot of it and it’s kind of reminded me that I never do it but everyone else probably does. I’ve just never felt the desire to. It feels a bit gross and stupid and I would feel totally ridiculous even attempting it.

Just so as not to drip feed, I’ve been with the same guy since I was 18 (now in my forties) and I’ve always had a low sex drive especially since having a baby and a third degree tear. I do fancy men and think about them in that way but just can’t do what other people do, it’s just...icky.

Putting myself out on a limb here, just want to know what it means - am I asexual or a prude or what?!

Benefits of orgasm include (but not limited to): increased happiness, better sleep, better immunity, increased self-confidence, increased libido, increased blood flow to the brain, more satisfying sex life

And I can't find any evidence showing that frequent orgasm has any cons (unless it is also accompanied by unhealthy sexual behaviours).

That's not to say that you need to orgasm or its weird not to but it's just a great thing for body and mind.

I am very impressed by the women who never masturbate yet have amazing orgasm with their partner - all power to you!

Although wanking is not a requirement as such, the negative language you use Op is quite sad. It's a private thing, but quite healthy. Can you look at it as a bodily function, like sneezing or scratching an itch? Sorry not great examples but hopefully you see the angle.

You almost have the opinion that your vagina is dirty? It's not.

Maybe consider whether you can overcome your hang ups. I find it odd that you don't find your partner hands touching you repulsive? If that's the case, perhaps start with mutual masturbation together?

Do you feel the same about your husband having a wank privately? I mean, I'm sure he does!

I find it improves sex with a partner because I've tried and tested what works after years of practice on myself

If your sex drive is low then it's probably enough with the sex you have with a partner. I only tend to masturbate at times of increased sex drive, as my partners haven't had as fluctuating drives as me. I wouldn't be concerned if you're not. There isn't a "normal" sex drive across the population, whatever misogyny and cool girks will try to tell us.

No one says to someone who doesn't like prunes..oh you should be more broad minded

I love the randomness of this analogy but wouldn't it be more accurate to be surprised at someone who couldn't stand eating prunes but loved them if her partner was feeding them to her?

I wonder if sex for Op is not about sexual pleasure but more focused on feeling closeness or affection from a partner?

I can't help but think there's some deep rooted negative issues for Op, purely because of the "dirty" labels put on masturbation.."icky, gross, it's where wee comes from" etc.

To add to my previous comments, negative attitudes to women enjoying their sexuality often stem from the old idea that sex was something a woman “gave” to a man, and then only in marriage.

Throughout history, women had more to lose, such as unwanted pregnancy and sexist attitudes leading to name calling and shame.

The key female sex organ is the clitoris and a lot of enjoyment can be made from self discovery. Yes, you can enjoy sex with others too (and get pleasure from reading a good novel!), but let’s not pretend one needs to trump the other.

Women have needs, a lot of women, largely through upbringing, sadly deny themselves.

I can imagine that if you already have enough sex in a relationship, that you would not feel a need to, seems to make sense to me.

However, I'm (pleasantly) amazed that some women have had an orgasm, but have NEVER masturbated. That is new information for me.

From time to time in forums I'd see a post about never having an orgasm, then the thread evolves, and it is revealed that poster never tried on their own.

So my perception of "never had orgasm" = "never masturbated" is probably largely correct, but not 100%

NCd for this, TMI!

I'm 68 and have never masturbated. I've always had a low sex drive, and am fine with that. I was married, but my husband died a few years ago, and before that he was ill for ten years; and I have not had sex for 15 years... and am happy with that. I'll never remarry, never have sex again.

When I was a teenager, I didn't even know that women masturbated. Nobody ever mentioned it, though my girlfriends and I were all very open about what we were doing, how far we went, etc. I first had sex when I was 18, but only because everybody was teasing me for being a virgin! I could well have waited till I found "the one" and it would not have bothered me.

Some here are saying, use it or lose it, but so what if you lose it? If you don't miss sex, so what? Whatever sex drive I had, vanished after I had children -- I do believe I only had one because I really wanted to be a mother! Yes, I did like sex while I was active, but all drive left me after I had my kids.

If you don't want something, you don't miss not having it. I am very healthy, look ten years younger than my age, so I'm told, and have an interesting life which (before Covid) involved a lot of travel, and I'm very creative -- I believe creativity absorbed whatever nervous energy there might be! I also used to practice Hatha (physical) Yoga regularly, and still practice meditation, a practice which over time delivers a great deal of joy.

I'm glad the OP spoke up, and so many women have chimed in to say they are the same, and that it's OK. On the surface, it does feel as if every single person on earth is masturbating every night and can't live without it! Nice to hear that it's not that rare, not to feel any need.

There is the constant societal message that even as you age, you must be satisfying your sexual urge one way or the other, with a partner or without; and if you don't have one there's something wrong with you, and that as you age you become grumpy and frumpy without sex. We all know the cliche, "she's not getting any that's why she'd in a bad mood". That's just not true.

I wish there was more attention given to those of us who are perfectly happy without sex; that we were taken seriously; that it was recognised as a fine way to live and to age; that there is life after sex, and it can be very good.

This is my favourite pass time and I only discovered it in my early 20's. Although I am single at the moment, I would still do this, as I find it a brilliant stress reliever. It is linked to my hormones though, so I am worried that I won't have the desire after I have gone through the change.

@NoHands, what you say makes total sense. Like all things in nature, there is a distribution, and you are somewhere on it. You'll know from NM that some people lave zero interested in sex, some a little, some a lot, huge variation.

Since, you have NCed, you might answer: Have you ever had an orgasm?

I ask because my perception (based on the tiny amount of people I'd had such a conversation with) was: "never had orgasm" = "never masturbated"

I think there is a pretty massive difference between knowing how to achieve orgasm on your own, knowing what turns you on etc, and simply no longer feeling the need.. and what the OP is describing, that it would feel gross and ridiculous and icky to try it.

I can go months without feeling the need, or I can masturbate every night - I don't feel remotely icky about it, I know what gets me off, if I just want an orgasm I can get there in about 3 minutes or I can take my time!

It certainly taught me a lot about how my body works which in turn let me let partners know, and made for better sex all round.

Op, as a pp said, you don’t pee from your vagina. You pee from your urethra which is just above the vaginal opening. And sits between the labia Minora.

I ask because my perception (based on the tiny amount of people I'd had such a conversation with) was: "never had orgasm" = "never masturbated"

That would be me, then!

I used to enjoy sex with my husband, but it was absolutely about the closeness and intimacy and love I felt. That was all I really wanted from a relationship. I didn't even know women could orgasm till I was nearly 40 or so, when I first read about it!

But I never felt the urge to find out what it was all about, and please, nobody tell me "you don't know what you're missing!"
It's like me telling women who don't want kids "you don't know what you're missing", when I consider the sheer joy that my little granddaughter gives me!

‘Dont get me wrong i see good looking men out and about but it doesnt send me running to the bedroom.’

I have enough sexual fantasies to write erotica the length of War and Peace. I don’t need to run into a handsome man. Maybe I have spent far too much of my life thinking about sex.

But orgasms are one of the great joys of life. I don’t find they cut into my crafting or reading time at all.

But I never felt the urge to find out what it was all about, and please, nobody tell me "you don't know what you're missing!"
It's like me telling women who don't want kids "you don't know what you're missing", when I consider the sheer joy that my little granddaughter gives me!

Not really, one is something you can try and not do again if you don't like it, and be in pretty much the same position as when you started!

‘There is the constant societal message that even as you age, you must be satisfying your sexual urge one way or the other, with a partner or without; and if you don't have one there's something wrong with you...’

Well that clearly isn’t true or there wouldn’t be posters on this thread who were unaware women could have an orgasm or that many women masturbate.

It is something me and my friends talk about, more of us do it than don’t. I don’t do it alone that regularly, maybe once a month? But it is part of our sex life and something my partner and I enjoy together. It feels different to to it myself but with him there, and obviously it’s different to him doing it!
I think it’s normal, Women should talk about it more.

Well that clearly isn’t true or there wouldn’t be posters on this thread who were unaware women could have an orgasm or that many women masturbate.

It's not true, but the message we get from media, movies etc is that it's going on all the time!

Not really, one is something you can try and not do again if you don't like it, and be in pretty much the same position as when you started!

So you think it IS OK to tell me that I don't know what I'm missing???
But what if I do have some other secret joy that is a one-off, but you haven't experienced (yet)? Is it OK for me to tell you you don't know what you're missing?
My point it that even with all the very graphic descriptions and movie scenes of women orgasming and how utterly wonderful it is, that all of us have read or seen on screen, whether we are interested or not, we STILL aren't interested, it's probably an indication that we really aren't missing anything that we, personally, need to enrich our lives! And it's nothing to be ashamed of.

@NoHands, I fully understand what you mean about closeness, bonding, etc. Makes complete sense.

"never had orgasm" = "never masturbated" was me too, Catholic religious up bringing

I'd consider I don't have a high sex drive. But during my 40's I got more curious bought a Magic Wand ... experimented with and without DH ... and wow. So glad I did. Life is short!

My other reference is DSis, "never had orgasm" = "never masturbated" , same upbringing (we had really really great parents actually! miss them so much!!)

‘My point it that even with all the very graphic descriptions and movie scenes of women orgasming and how utterly wonderful it is, that all of us have read or seen on screen, whether we are interested or not, we STILL aren't interested, it's probably an indication that we really aren't missing anything that we, personally, need to enrich our lives! And it's nothing to be ashamed of.’

It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But women enjoying their sexuality is going to appear in films, books, music etc. because it is a core part of many women’s lives.

It’s like complaining that comedies exist because you personally don’t like laughing at funny things.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But women enjoying their sexuality is going to appear in films, books, music etc. because it is a core part of many women’s lives.
I know this. But the other side that it's not that important for every - woman needs to be accepted too, and that it's possible to live a healthy, happy and fulfilled life without, a perception that is completely lacking in Western society.

"never had orgasm" = "never masturbated" was me too, Catholic religious up bringing
I had the opposite: atheist upbringing, no rules or indoctrination about sex whatsoever, and then coming of age in the 60's and 70's with everyone having sex with rabbits, so that I felt I had to too!

‘I know this. But the other side that it's not that important for every - woman needs to be accepted too, and that it's possible to live a healthy, happy and fulfilled life without, a perception that is completely lacking in Western society.‘

Again, clearly it’s not lacking or there would have be posters on here who didn’t even know women had orgasms.

Being asexual isn’t going to be depicted that much in popular culture because there’s just not as much to say about it. Rather like I don’t expect people to write books about what it’s like to not collect stamps, not be a runner, not go out dancing.

with everyone having sex with rabbits,

Sex LIKE rabbits, not WITH!!!!

Again, clearly it’s not lacking or there would have be posters on here who didn’t even know women had orgasms

This was WAY in the past. I've known this for the last 30 years or so! The conventional wisdom is that all women who have a low libido have something wrong with them and need therapy.

Being asexual isn’t going to be depicted that much in popular culture because there’s just not as much to say about it. Rather like I don’t expect people to write books about what it’s like to not collect stamps, not be a runner, not go out dancing.

I don't think that being asexual (which btw is not the subject here at all) needs to be addressed at all in popular culture. But I've read plenty of books, seen lots of films, which don't have graphic sex scenes, and I prefer them. I'm a "close the door on the graphic sex" kind of reader, and that's OK too!

What I meant was that if a woman says she has a low libido it should be believed and accepted; she doesn't need to be told she's frigid or needs to masturbate to activate her sex drive. If she wants to, she'll do it -- all the info is out there. It's no secret any more.

I can remember masturbating from quite an early age 5 or 6, post menopause I don't really have the urge very much, I don't miss sex it used to be very important to me but I feel a bit 'ick' about it now

I don't think I've ever had an open conversation about masturbation with friends irl. It is still taboo.

I've never had an orgasm through penetrative sex but can have multiple from oral or masturbation. It's definitely how I discovered what I like sexually. I had tried ' phallic like objects' like pps had said as an early teen with no pleasure. I then read an article in a teen magazine which demonstrated clitoral stimulantion. Mind blown! Thank you mizz/j17 whatever that magazine was!

I will say it's as much a mental as a physical thing. I cannot get off if my mind isn't there and then it's just frustrating/ gets numbing rather than pleasurable.