To ask is it weird if you never masturbate?

[Rainbowb]

I vaguely remember doing it in my teens but never have since. I’ve just been watching I hate Suzie and she does quite a lot of it and it’s kind of reminded me that I never do it but everyone else probably does. I’ve just never felt the desire to. It feels a bit gross and stupid and I would feel totally ridiculous even attempting it.

Just so as not to drip feed, I’ve been with the same guy since I was 18 (now in my forties) and I’ve always had a low sex drive especially since having a baby and a third degree tear. I do fancy men and think about them in that way but just can’t do what other people do, it’s just...icky.

Putting myself out on a limb here, just want to know what it means - am I asexual or a prude or what?!

I used to use a vibrator but I found it desensitised me to sex with my husband so I stopped using it.

I need to know the answer to the sofa arms question!

It's not something I'm massively interested in I have to say but each to their own.

I have a healthy sex life with dh but if I crave an orgasm or 3 when he's not in then ill use my vibrator

I do probably at least twice a week, I have a good sec life with DH but I enjoy it and it’s the best way to get to sleep that I’ve ever found.

@hoping4onlychild

Never masturbated either. Married to the first and only person I ever had s*x with. In my 20s with no kids.

We are all different.

Sex.

I do fancy men and think about them in that way but just can’t do what other people do, it’s just...icky.

So much misinformation on this thread about asexuality.

Asexuality has nothing to do with sex drive. Asexuality is an orientation like being straight or gay, it is the lack of sexual attraction to someone. You can still be sexually active, form relationships, get married and have kids. I'm aromantic asexual so I don't but I know plenty of asexual people who have active sex lives.

@LipikarAdvert

Maybe you're busy thinking about other things?

Masturbation is wrong or disgusting, but we don't need to do it all the time. We can fill our lives with more enriching activities.

I never do it either. I choose to spend my alone time reading, writing or doing crafts. Masturbating would give me a "high" for 5 minutes or so, but wouldn't have achieved anything purposeful from doing it. It would be different with sex, as I'd be bonding with my partner but what's the point in masturbating really?

I guess you mean it's not wrong or disgusting?

It is possible to masturbate and also find the time to read a book - unless, of course, you spend every waking moment doing something deep, meaningful and enriching, like posting on Mumsnet.

Masturbation is wrong or disgusting, but we don't need to do it all the time. We can fill our lives with more enriching activities

lol a Freudian slip there if ever I saw one! What if its "enriching" to me?- it is actually. Its great for mood, sleep, relaxation- I cant imagine anything more enriching than that personally. MN is hardly "enriching" and yet you are on here arent you? you could argue there are far more "enriching" activities than MN 🤷🏼‍♀️

We can fill our lives with more enriching activities

You're not doing it right

Whatever makes you happy. There's no right or wrong.

Anyone who thinks masturbation is ‘icky’ needs to see a sex therapist. It’s healthy, normal and natural.

My friend told me about another friend with vaginal atrophy, which is where everything becomes drier and more sensitive during and after the menopause. I don't want vaginal atrophy thanks, so anything that increases blood flow/circulation to the area is meant to help, although the best treatment is HRT or local hormone treatment and lubricants.

So, even if you are alone, there could be health benefits for your vag of keeping going!

It's perfectly normal. You don't have to do it but your language around it is very revealing.

To say 'It feels a bit gross and stupid and I would feel totally ridiculous even attempting it.' .... makes you sound ridiculous... you don't want to do it then don't - you have a low sex drive... some of us have a high sex drive and incorporate into sex life etc/mix things up - you'd be surprised what the highly sexed get up to

Carry on... I feel for your partner if not having a similar low sex drive - maybe your partner does it when you aren't around but doesn't tell you @Rainbowb since knows your feelings that it's a bit dirty etc

Wow, I can't imagine not! I guess it depends of the time of sex drive you have. Also, really helps you sleep...

@wizzywig

Nah me neither. I feel like its a really poor substitute to sex. Ive tried vibrators and again, i just feel like billy no mates.

I suppose it depends whether you have access to the real thing or not... My husband has a very low libido and we have not had sex since autumn 2019. For me, it is a poor substitute to sex but nonetheless it is the only thing I have.

During lockdown I'm only masturbating once or twice a week. There is little opportunity given that I share a bed with my husband and I feel it would be passive aggressive to masturbate when he sleeping next to me!

I'm single and do it every day sometimes, usually a few times a week at least. I did it quite a lot when I was in a relationship with regular good sex too though. Sometimes my ex and I would even do it together. I guess I must have a high sex drive (but have gone off men and relationships, I'd rather masterbate than have a fling or ons these days).

Never been able to get into it either OP. I also find it a bit gross. Fully accept I don't have the hang of it and/or may have a distorted view of my own body etc etc. Each to her own (or not, as the case may be )

I never do it either. I choose to spend my alone time reading, writing or doing crafts. Masturbating would give me a "high" for 5 minutes or so, but wouldn't have achieved anything purposeful from doing it. It would be different with sex, as I'd be bonding with my partner but what's the point in masturbating really?

You're clearly a higher being than we who love a good solo orgasm every now and again!

The point is that it feels good, helps me sleep and keeps my muscles strong and healthy!! I don't think many women realise that orgasms are muscular contractions and you can train your muscles to be more orgasmic just like you can train any other set of muscles.

I masturbate after I've gone to bed or sometimes if I wake up early so it doesn't eat into my valuable crafting and self improvement time

If im in a relationship i dont bother as the sex is enough for me.
If im single maybe once a month or even less. I dont find it icky, the thought just hardly ever crosses my mind. Dont get me wrong i see good looking men out and about but it doesnt send me running to the bedroom.

Masturbating would give me a "high" for 5 minutes or so, but wouldn't have achieved anything purposeful from doing it. It would be different with sex, as I'd be bonding with my partner but what's the point in masturbating really?
I do it every day, sometimes multiple times, and have done pretty much since puberty. I also have regular sex.
If I go too long without a climax, I find myself getting very physically stressed, irritable and tense, and I find myself starting to get distracted by sexual fantasies when I'm trying to get on with other stuff.
Then when I do it, it's just this massive release of tension that lets me get on with my day without feeling stressed or distracted.
For me, it's a basic biological urge that needs to be performed regularly (sexy description I know).

I wouldn't say it is weird at all, however you are certainly in a minority, and nothing wrong with that! I guess there are all kinds of reasons, such as religion, upbringing, lower libido, etc. Nothing weird ... just differences in people.

Must really suck never to had an orgasm though :( Hard to get my head around that!

We can fill our lives with more enriching activities

I agree. So disgusting that women use their hands for such filthy activities that arent enriching at all. We should all be reading the Psalms and crocheting religious texts of an evening, not behaving like pleasure seeking ruffians!

Nothing wrong with having a low sex drive...I do think it's a 'use it or lose it' thing, though.

This is why I always, subtly, make sure my fiancée's vibrators are fully charged. My vague and possibly misguided man logic is that in the long term our sex life benefits from her feeling sexually 'independent' and having plenty of fun while home alone.

I want to defend you on both counts.

You don't feel the urge to masturbate - that's fine.

You find the thought ick - that's also fine.

Responses to sex are visceral and personal - that's part of the point. I personally like a good wank. But you're equally at liberty to find it ick (just as I find the thought of anal sex ick, though some women I know tell me they love it). We're all allowed to have things we passionately like, and things we passionately dislike.

No-one says to someone who doesn't like prunes, and in fact finds the texture and taste turn their stomach - "ooh, you prude, you should be more broad-minded." Yet for some reason we think it's okay to pass judgement on people's sexual reactions.

So long as you're not telling me I shouldn't masturbate because you find it ick, then we're all fine!

Anyone who has Netflix there's an episode of Goop called The Pleasure Is Ours that's worth watching.