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Original poster

"you're so pretty" - weird on first day of college?

226 replies

spanielmum3 · 09/09/2020 18:31

So my dd aged 16 started college today. When she got home she got a text or an Instagram msg from a boy she was talking to, who is 19, and he said something about he was happy they had chatted and then he put "by the way you're very pretty".

My initial reaction is to say to her to be careful - she is flattered, obviously, but she does wonder if it is a bit 'creepy' to say that in a text after only talking for a few mins. I'm wondering myself - is that normal, or what do you all think. She said he seems nice, but obviously she only chatted to him for a bit and never met him before.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2020 18:34

I don't think this is particularly alarming. He paid her a respectful compliment.

LouiseTrees · 09/09/2020 18:34

It’s no different than seeing someone while out at a pub /youth night and saying you quite fancy them surely?

Anotheruser02 · 09/09/2020 18:37

He's 19 it's his clumsy way of showing an interest. She felt comfortable enough to give him her number.

Sweet, not sexually detailed, happy they had chatted.

Original poster
spanielmum3 · 09/09/2020 18:37

I dunno, it just seems very 'forward' maybe I'm old fashioned and they weren't at a pub, they haven't even talked to each other. Maybe it's just cos that has never happened to me lol. Usually is there not a 'warm up'. DD was wondering is a 16 year old and a 19 year old ok... she's had boyfriends before, one quite serious one, but she was a bit creeped out. And worries now that he will be bothering her. Hopefully he is nice though.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2020 18:38

To add, if your daughter decides to have further contact with this young man, she should be on alert for red flags. Is he too full on far too fast? Is he pestering her, etc? Have a good talk with her about warning signs and appropriate behaviour.

Original poster
spanielmum3 · 09/09/2020 18:38

no she didn't give him her number - he followed her Instagram - I think they followed each other.

OP posts:
Sunshineandsparkle · 09/09/2020 18:39

I think you’re making a massive deal out of absolutely nothing. How is it creepy!?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2020 18:39

If she's not interested in him she needs to block him and not give him hope for having a relationship.

Pollypocket89 · 09/09/2020 18:42

Why are you making a big deal of it? What worries you about a boy saying your daughter is pretty? It's not creepy or predatory etc

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/09/2020 18:43

I dont think its creepy at all.Confused

nosswith · 09/09/2020 18:43

I'd be concerned and wary.

Anotheruser02 · 09/09/2020 18:45

16 and 19 is fine they are the same age group, post school finding their feet together. Don't forget he is a teenager too this red flag talk is a bit depressing.

Of course she should know in general about setting boundaries, but not specifically because if him, he was not inappropriate.

Cheesypea · 09/09/2020 18:47

If she finds his advances creepy she can either ask him to back off or block him. In our day we had to exchange phone numbers so there was an element of screening that doesn't exist now.

AGoatAteIt · 09/09/2020 18:47

The only way it would have been a creepy thing to say was if he followed it up with “and you were even prettier last night when I was spying on you through your bedroom window with my night vision goggles”.

NYMM · 09/09/2020 18:47

According to your first post, they did chat, but in your second post you say they didn't even talk Hmm so did they or didn't they?

jessstan2 · 09/09/2020 18:49

@Aquamarine1029

I don't think this is particularly alarming. He paid her a respectful compliment.
I agree, it's nice.
vanillandhoney · 09/09/2020 18:51

So boys can't tell girls they're pretty now without it being some kind of red flag?

AvoidingRealHumans · 09/09/2020 18:52

I wouldn't be concerned at all but it is a good time to teach your daughter that if she isn't comfortable with something she doesn't need to go along with it for fear of being rude or awkward.
She thinks its creepy so she can delete/block him with no need to explain.

Healththrowaway199 · 09/09/2020 18:53

I think you’re overreacting. This is normal, especially on Instagram. People tell me I’m pretty all the time, irl and on socials. I don’t think they’re creepy unless the context is inappropriate.

16 & 19 is weird. I don’t think it’s same age group - I am in my early 20s so feel like my personal experience is more relevant than someone from a much older generation (where age gaps were considered more normal). That would be like a 2nd year uni student dating someone in year 11/12. When I was at 6th form/uni (graduated last year) my peers and I would have found that weird. At 16 they generally date people the same age, give or take a year (not 3)

If she finds him creepy, her instinct is probably right

Crystal90567 · 09/09/2020 18:57

He's just flirting.
The young don't go to pubs anymore even pre covid.

Sassysusan92 · 09/09/2020 18:57

Think you should probably tell her to steer clear. He'll have her hooked on heroin and be pimping her out before you know it.

Wish I could warn him or his mother about you guys. Poor guy.

Teacher12345 · 09/09/2020 19:03

I don't see anything wrong with what he said. I would be more concerned that she has given a virtual stranger her mobile number after chatting for just a few minutes.

feistyoneyouare · 09/09/2020 19:04

He's young and probably still honing his social skills around girls. I'm sure he's fine.

Justaboy · 09/09/2020 19:05

It might possible, just be that he fancies the pants of her and thats what he aims to do as soon as he can do it!

Dreadfull this bloody sexual attraction hin't it;!

NataliaOsipova · 09/09/2020 19:05

Ah - I think that’s quite sweet. I bet he’s plucked up the courage to say that. It’s complimentary and respectful. It’s not lewd, or sexually explicit - just shows that he likes her in “that” way if she’d like to take things further. He sounds like a nice boy. And no, I don’t think a 3 year age gap is a huge deal at all.