Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"you're so pretty" - weird on first day of college?

226 replies

spanielmum3 · 09/09/2020 18:31

So my dd aged 16 started college today. When she got home she got a text or an Instagram msg from a boy she was talking to, who is 19, and he said something about he was happy they had chatted and then he put "by the way you're very pretty".

My initial reaction is to say to her to be careful - she is flattered, obviously, but she does wonder if it is a bit 'creepy' to say that in a text after only talking for a few mins. I'm wondering myself - is that normal, or what do you all think. She said he seems nice, but obviously she only chatted to him for a bit and never met him before.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 09/09/2020 20:35

@JaffaCake70 she didn't. They followed each other on Instagram which is normal for that age group to do.

pigsDOfly · 09/09/2020 20:36

I think it sounds like he think she's very pretty and wants her to know how he feels to see if she might possibly think he's very 'handsome'.

Can't see anything creepy about that tbh but maybe, as a fairly old person, I'm out of date with what constitutes 'creepy' nowadays.

Sparklesocks · 09/09/2020 20:37

As others have said I’d take your daughter’s lead on it. I don’t think it’s a creepy act in isolation but if your daughter is uncomfortable or not keen then that’s her business.

user1481840227 · 09/09/2020 20:37

@Rabblemum

To everyone who’s “wary”, please, ok he may be a creep but have you thought he may have never been around girls? Some kids are sheltered and don’t really understand unspoken rules, he may also have special needs.

Look for too many red flags and young people will never have sex, would you rather they watched porn in secret? Some of it is pretty twisted.

Special needs?? Confused I mean of course he might have and she probably won't be able to tell straight away who in the college has special needs or not from small interactions with them but there was nothing at all that interaction that made it seem like he had special needs Confused.

If anything it's the OP and her daughter who seem like the sheltered ones!!

user1481840227 · 09/09/2020 20:39

Clicked submit too soon....there's also nothing to suggest that he may have never been around girls! If anything it seems like the OPs daughter hasn't been around boys!

VinylDetective · 09/09/2020 20:39

If anything it's the OP and her daughter who seem like the sheltered ones!!

Spot on. This reaction to an innocent compliment is bonkers.

Notthetoothfairy · 09/09/2020 20:40

I think it’s sweet. If he had said something sexual, that would be different, but he didn’t.

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 09/09/2020 20:40

Anyone else think the OP is the kid, not the mother?
The only thing weird about this is asking about it.

Bleepbloopblarp · 09/09/2020 20:41

Poor guy. How are young men supposed to show they are attracted to girls these days?

SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 09/09/2020 20:43

Poor sod honestly it's like you can't move these days without someone taking offence.

He's just a young lad finding his way and spent some time in your daughter's company and she made an impression on him.

GirlsBlouse17 · 09/09/2020 20:44

He fancies her! Nothing creepy about that

Ginfordinner · 09/09/2020 20:45

A teenage boy pays a teenage girl a compliment, and posters pile on warning about red flags!

Blimey, what is the world coming to?

Mimitoo · 09/09/2020 20:45

16-19 is standard age range for college. Many classes will have a mix of students age 16,17,18 and 19 together and (in normal times), the age range would mix much more closely than at a school and separate year groups. It is not like school or sixth form.

nestisflown · 09/09/2020 20:46

16 and 19 isn’t really an inappropriate age gap- unless the couple start dating when the younger teen is under 16.

Back when I was that age all us sixth form girls dated freshers from the local uni- we felt very “cool” and the uni guys were slightly more mature than our classmates. I don’t think we were taken advantage of or that the young men were creepy.

You are making too big a deal out of it and giving your daughter anxiety about what was a casual exchange. Even the fact she asked you about such a minor comment suggests that perhaps you may need to work on her independence a little - are you typically judgemental / fussy? As this may mean she feels the need to refer to you for all her decisions at a time when she’s meant to be gaining more autonomy.

Nixen · 09/09/2020 20:48

Ffs what an overreaction. He’s done absolutely nothing to be ‘wary’ of.

InterstellarDrifter · 09/09/2020 20:48

@Rabblemum

To everyone who’s “wary”, please, ok he may be a creep but have you thought he may have never been around girls? Some kids are sheltered and don’t really understand unspoken rules, he may also have special needs.

Look for too many red flags and young people will never have sex, would you rather they watched porn in secret? Some of it is pretty twisted.

You thing girls should be up for sex, even if the guy is creepy, to stop young people from watching twisted porn in secret? Confused
Plmoknijb123 · 09/09/2020 20:49

Poor guy, hope he doesn’t end up with your daughter and has to deal with you! You are the creepy one, way over protective. Get a grip.

Twixes · 09/09/2020 20:51

Honest to god, what an overreaction! Get a grip, op. You should be delighted a young man is paying such respectful compliments to your daughter

Viviennemary · 09/09/2020 20:51

It sounds fine.

RoseGoldEagle · 09/09/2020 20:54

A boy telling a girl he thinks she’s pretty... seems pretty normal to me. Isn’t a big age gap really.

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 09/09/2020 20:55

It is quite sweet.

And if she likes him it is her opportunity to pay him a compliment back.

pigsDOfly · 09/09/2020 20:57

I was going to dances at that age.

Pretty certain I never went home to my mum and told her 'a boy I don't know asked me to dance, is that creepy?'

Life is a minefield nowadays.

dayknight19 · 09/09/2020 21:04

A bit full on. I would stay clear.

Personally I hated comments like this as these guys never stop at “you are pretty”. It normally escalates despite clearly making it obvious it’s one sided.

ThursdayAfterNext · 09/09/2020 21:05

Think you are massively overthinking things. He said "you're very pretty", it isn't like he sent her a d*ck pic!

TatianaBis · 09/09/2020 21:10

Good lord.