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Original poster

"you're so pretty" - weird on first day of college?

226 replies

spanielmum3 · 09/09/2020 18:31

So my dd aged 16 started college today. When she got home she got a text or an Instagram msg from a boy she was talking to, who is 19, and he said something about he was happy they had chatted and then he put "by the way you're very pretty".

My initial reaction is to say to her to be careful - she is flattered, obviously, but she does wonder if it is a bit 'creepy' to say that in a text after only talking for a few mins. I'm wondering myself - is that normal, or what do you all think. She said he seems nice, but obviously she only chatted to him for a bit and never met him before.

OP posts:
PolarBearStrength · 09/09/2020 20:02

I’d just be pleased he wasn’t sending pictures of his penis. 19 year old boys are often utter morons in my experience 😂

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 09/09/2020 20:06

Her feelings are all that matter here.

If she felt uncomfortable let her know that it's fine to back off from the guy.

However, this was normal flirty, friendly chat when I was 16, and doesn't mean he's anything to worry about.

Batmanandbobbin · 09/09/2020 20:06

I work with teenagers... one today told me how they got their new girlfriend they said (when she walked past ‘You are fine ting, we are going to BANG’ followed by a lip smack. I think what they’ve put is very respectful

myhousekey · 09/09/2020 20:07

@Batmanandbobbin that made me both laugh out loud and feel depressed all at once

Rabblemum · 09/09/2020 20:09

To everyone who’s “wary”, please, ok he may be a creep but have you thought he may have never been around girls? Some kids are sheltered and don’t really understand unspoken rules, he may also have special needs.

Look for too many red flags and young people will never have sex, would you rather they watched porn in secret? Some of it is pretty twisted.

oakleaffy · 09/09/2020 20:11

''Pretty'' is very benign. And quite wholesome.
Had he said something like ''Phwoarr! you're a sexy bird'' it would be different.

NotFrozen · 09/09/2020 20:13

It’s not weird or creepy. He probably likes her and is testing her reaction. But I wouldn’t want my 16 year dating a 19 year old.

oakleaffy · 09/09/2020 20:14

@PolarBearStrength

I’d just be pleased he wasn’t sending pictures of his penis. 19 year old boys are often utter morons in my experience 😂
So glad I just had a Nokia brick! No dick pics on those.
Rabblemum · 09/09/2020 20:14

Agreed, 16 and 19 is too much of a maturity gap for a relationship.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2020 20:15

Some kids are sheltered and don’t really understand unspoken rules

Since when is it against the rules to give someone a respectful compliment in an appropriate setting?

user1481840227 · 09/09/2020 20:15

Nothing creepy about what he said.

What are her instagram pics like? Just asking because if she has tonnes of selfies up then the normal reaction from lots of people would be to compliment the persons looks.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 09/09/2020 20:18

Nothing weird about it, he was chatting her up, nicely.

Not getting the age gap thing. I had a 19 yr old boyfriend at 16. Lads my age seemed like children to me, zero interest.

And he had a CAR!!!!

MomToTwoBabas · 09/09/2020 20:18

Normal. He likes her.

user1481840227 · 09/09/2020 20:18

Also agree with the pp who said pretty was generally a wholesome compliment.

MomToTwoBabas · 09/09/2020 20:19

Has no one ever told you that you are pretty op Hmm

Rabblemum · 09/09/2020 20:19

Aquamarine1029 Thinking about it you’re right. It’s interesting the daughter found the comment “creepy”, that tells me he may be sheltered and scared of talking to girls. This is all conjecture.

MomToTwoBabas · 09/09/2020 20:21

At just turned 17 (met him on my 17th bday at the pub) I met and started dating my sons dad he was 22 so the age gaps nothing there.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 09/09/2020 20:21

He’s showing he is interested in your daughter in more than a platonic way. It’s your job to make sure your daughter has a voice and can let him know that the feelings are reciprocated or not.
You need to take a step back and let her find her voice and use it.

iolaus · 09/09/2020 20:26

He said she was pretty (on instagram which is probably full of her pictures, which she probably does look pretty in) - he didn't send her a dick pic

My daughter got together with her boyfriend when she was 16 and he was 19 (they are still together now at 18 and 21) - actually he may have still been 18 when they got together (just over 2.5years between them birthday wise)
Their friendship groups quite often seem to span 2-3 years of age - I think she was friends with someone in the year above her in school/college who he was friends with as they are also one school year apart

Shaniac · 09/09/2020 20:27

Im pleasantly suprised by the comments on here today. Pretty is such a wholesome compliment and its a 3 year age gap not like he is her class tutor.

You suggested your daughter found the compliment creepy but are you sure she didnt just agree with you to shut you up? Because if thats the case she may end up seeing him in secret for fear of your reaction.

Undies1990 · 09/09/2020 20:27

Nothing "creepy" about what he's said or done. Perfectly normal for teenagers. I'd be more worried if his first contact was a dick pic.

Shaniac · 09/09/2020 20:27

Especially as she liked him enough in conversation to give her insta to him.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 09/09/2020 20:30

It's fine. Bit of an age gap but nothing wrong with the message. Honestly don't shame her for liking attention off a guy. It's perfectly natural

JaffaCake70 · 09/09/2020 20:31

I'd be more concerned about your Daughter giving her number to a boy that she's only spoken to for a few minutes tbh.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 09/09/2020 20:33

You suggested your daughter found the compliment creepy but are you sure she didnt just agree with you to shut you up? Because if thats the case she may end up seeing him in secret for fear of your reaction.

That's a good point. Girls always get the message that they're supposed to be stand-offish and say no to guys even if they like them. It's so damaging.