"you're so pretty" - weird on first day of college?

[spanielmum3]

So my dd aged 16 started college today. When she got home she got a text or an Instagram msg from a boy she was talking to, who is 19, and he said something about he was happy they had chatted and then he put "by the way you're very pretty".

My initial reaction is to say to her to be careful - she is flattered, obviously, but she does wonder if it is a bit 'creepy' to say that in a text after only talking for a few mins. I'm wondering myself - is that normal, or what do you all think. She said he seems nice, but obviously she only chatted to him for a bit and never met him before.

... that's very normal. He probably fancies her and it was polite. Hardly sexting or a lewd compliment.

Have you forgotten being 16 and a boy telling you he thinks you're pretty?

I went out with an 18/19 year old at that age (we were both at school/college together) So long as he's a nice normal boy and she's mature for her age it's fine. Though make sure to talk to her about being pressured into sex etc.

If she's not interested she needs to know that it's fine to say no to him and to tell a teacher or you if he bothers her.

We're fucked as a species if this is considered creepy.

I reckon he was just a bit too nervous or shy to say it directly to her. A text is easier to send as there is less chance of being shot down to his face. It's nice to hear of a teenage boy being respectful and paying a nice compliment, rather than saying something inappropriate.

Agree with above though, if he's at uni and she's in he 11 that's weird. If they're at college together it's more normal as he hasn't moved out/ lived away from parents/ grown up etc.

Oh good grief. Are teenage lads not allowed to flirt anymore? Poor guy. How do people actually get to go on dates these days if they can't even compliment each other.

This is getting rather silly now. A 19yr old tells a 16yr old she is pretty and he’s a creep? What is creepy about it? OP you mentioned ‘warm up’, well, telling someone you find them ‘pretty’ is usually a warm up to let them know they find you attractive and might like to ask you out. Nothing creepy at all, all perfectly normal. If you’re DD is not interested just move on.

So @spanielmum3 is it really you creeped out and saying it to your dd.
Are you putting your ideas in to her head.

Shes growing up,she will have to navigate her love life and friendship groups.Like we all have too.

@AGoatAteIt

The only way it would have been a creepy thing to say was if he followed it up with “and you were even prettier last night when I was spying on you through your bedroom window with my night vision goggles”.

Aw it's cute.

All sounds very innocent to me.

I still have fond memories of a boy in college who told me I was pretty and that he really liked my glasses the first time we met.

I only saw him a few times because my friends and I concluded he was "too nice" - stupidity of youth!

If she feels it’s creepy then let her go by her instincts. She may have picked up other clues in the way he was with her.
I think young girls shouldn’t be told to excuse behaviour if their instincts are telling them something is off.
He may be completely innocent and inexperienced, or he may not. Time will tell.

Jesus, some of the things that were said to me as a 16 year old were positively pornographic!
In this day and age she's lucky it wasn't a dick pic!!!

He sounds lovely, respectful and well brought up,

You on the other hand sound bonkers

That isn't creepy in the slightest, it's quite sweet.

He was flirting, it's what teenagers do.

BTW I came on here expecting to read that a professor had told your DD or DS that they were pretty.

Teenage boys telling a 16 year old girl she is pretty - every day occurrence surely?

surely this sort of thing happens all the time with teens and tech. I'm surprised your DD even mentioned it. And of course 16/19 is completely normal....you sound v naive

I have a 19 yr old boy. Believe me, and he was brought up by me as a single mother and his sister, still talking to girls he fancies in any way that isn't clumsy is something of an art he has not quite mastered yet

I think it's one data point for her to consider as she decides what she thinks of him. If I were your daughter it would make me think his main purpose in talking to me is sexual and that he may not be great friend material. Which is a good match if I'm looking for someone to fuck. But I would keep things cooler if I wasn't and see what he's like when he doesn't get his ego rubbed in return.

He is only 19 so may not have worked out that he can take a lower key approach at first, see how things go and then ramp things up later if it warrants it. But also, he is 19 so likely on his third year, talking to a first year student and could easily be quite predatory, just looking to add to his scoreboard.

Poor boy, what a sad world when you can't compliment a pretty girl without nonsense like this! Anyway, don't worry - in a few years she'll be dating real creeps on-line because normal social interaction is dying out completely.

Isn't this quite sweet? He didn't even say 'hot' or 'sexy' - 'pretty' is one of the nicest compliments, I think.

Plus, it's not a cock shot, or a photo of any other naked part of him. I think it shows he's a (relatively) classy boy (bearing in mind that he is obviously still a teenage boy!).

Basically it’s weird to think that’s weird.

It's really not creepy. Poor lad is just flirting and it's really quite sweet. It's also really not strange for a 16 year old college student to date a 19 year old.

How is them not being at a pub relevant?

It's kind of naff/overly blatant flirting. But you're going to have to accept this will happen to her, sorry! It's good that you've encouraged her to keep an eye out for red flags etc.

Cute 🥰