"you're so pretty" - weird on first day of college?

[spanielmum3]

So my dd aged 16 started college today. When she got home she got a text or an Instagram msg from a boy she was talking to, who is 19, and he said something about he was happy they had chatted and then he put "by the way you're very pretty".

My initial reaction is to say to her to be careful - she is flattered, obviously, but she does wonder if it is a bit 'creepy' to say that in a text after only talking for a few mins. I'm wondering myself - is that normal, or what do you all think. She said he seems nice, but obviously she only chatted to him for a bit and never met him before.

I think it’s perfectly normal. If she finds he begins to get weird surely she can block him.

Poor lad! Is fancying a girl and giving her a compliment not even allowed now?

This seems perfectly normal to me, he was polite and not crude.

How in fucks name is this creepy? 😂 they spoke, they follow each other on Instagram (not just him following her!) and he told her she’s pretty because he thinks she is and he fancies her a bit.
How would any couples ever get together if no one ever showed any interest?

Dunno, I think that was one of the first things I ever said to my bf. If you like someone, no harm in letting them know.

Obviously a pervert.

Not sure why she is already having angst about whether a 16 yr old snd a 19 yr old should be having a relationship. He told her she's pretty - he hasn't suggested they embark on a romantic relationship or even asked her out! Plenty of men have told me they think I'm attractive with no interest in or expectation of any relationship developing.

Eh? He clearly likes her and was paying her a compliment.

What an absolute perverted sex pest. He should be locked up!

That would be like a 2nd year uni student dating someone in year 11/12
Sounds like they are two academic years apart, they are in the same college. Why put the girl back in school for the purposes of making him sound weird?

I would only find this creepy if she told him she wasn’t interested but he still kept messaging her or finding ways to bump into her. As long as she knows about consent and not falling for peer pressure, then she should be fine!

Sweet and normal. He’s chancing his arm with a compliment, not sending dick pics and sexually explicit chat. But if your daughter is creeped out, that’s her instincts telling her she doesn’t want to flirt with or date him. Which is fine.

I think 16 and 19 is quite an age gap, but it depends on whether it’s a young 16 or an old 19, and is it just 16 or nearly 17, just 19 or nearly 20, etc. A lot happens in-between those years, especially if it’s her first day at college but he’s been there a while.

Have you logged it with 101 yet OP?

I had a 19yr old bf at 16. I was still way mature than he!

I think that's lovely! He's paid her a really nice compliment. This really isn't a big deal, try not to make one out of it.

Not exactly a dick pic is it

I can't actually believe this is a thread.

@burritofan I agree. He’s old enough to be in the second year of uni and almost 20 whereas she could have just turned 16, barely out of school. Hopefully she feels comfortable with saying no to things she doesn’t want to do and will stay safe. I’m in my early 20s and it sounds a bit odd.

Good grief! He only said she was pretty FFS!

Alternatively @Pandacub7 he could've been 18 yesterday and she is 17 tomorrow if we are just making up their ages.

perfectly normal. my boyfriend’s first message to me was virtually identical! still together 14 years and 4 kids later - no red flags to speak of. it’s just a teenage boy’s way of flirting. you and your daughter are being way over dramatic. it’s one message! it doesn’t mean he’s going to start stalking her.

He's just flirting in a slightly awkward teenage way. Seems harmless.

What’s wrong with someone saying that?

Don’t jump the gun!

If she thought he was creepy, surely she would have got some kind of inkling when they were chatting so why did she give him her number?

He may be nice, genuinely attracted to her and letting her know before she meets someone else, and he feels he has missed his chance to tell her how he feels. Or he may be a creep. It's so much harder to tell tone of voice via instagram or text. Body language is so helpful when talking with someone.

Your daughter has instincts for a reason. Please don't tell her that she has to be flattered, but reassure her that she doesn't have to be terrified either. She's becoming a woman and will meet a lot of men. Talk with her about setting boundaries; strategies for responding to offers from boys/men, moving at her own pace, trusting her instincts if she wants to step back from someone, or move closer.

Does she have female friends at the college yet, or has she moved to a new area? This week is a great chance to meet lots of people, and start to make new friends. Even if she were keen on him, I would be advising her to take her time and get to know as many people as poss. A quick text back saying "thanks" and nothing more, is enough to acknowledge him, but not encourage him. Or she can simply ignore it for now, and see how things go.

Best of luck. It's not easy being 16 - but there are lots of good things to look forward to too. And because of this little text, you have a great chance to chat to her about how to respond if someone is attracted to her, how to respond if she is keen too, or other issues which will stand her in good stead in future.

Its normal OP, so very normal.