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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Everybody wants me to have an abortion

297 replies

IamConfused202 · 09/09/2020 13:44

This includes my boyfriend, mum and friends.

I am 26. I have lost my job as Covid meant it lost a lot of business so I have been job hunting for 2 months now with no luck. I still live with my parents and there would be no room in the house for a baby as my younger brother and 2 sisters also live in the house.
I found out last Tuesday that I was pregnant.

I told boyfriend (I have been with him around a year and 3 months) and his immediate response was that he wasn't ready and he got really emotional about it and he wants an abortion.

I told my mum and her opinion is it isn't the right time. And she told me to get in touch with a clinic.

My best friend is up and down about it - she thinks I would be a great mum and that other people can cope but that it's up to me ultimately but she said to think about whether the timing is right.

I have convinced myself the abortion is the best thing to do. I have spoke to a nurse on the phone and the tablets will be sent in the post and should be here in the next couple of days.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick at the though. I think i'm about 6-7 weeks pregnant. I have a feeling i'm going to regret it. But i can't see any other option. Boyfriend has a good paying job but he is saving to buy a house whereas I have nothing - I do have a £2500ish saved but with no job or security I can't see how I could bring a baby into this world.

If I do abort i will be changing contraception.

I just feel so distressed.

I have explained to boyfriend that I would love to keep the baby but I don't see it being sensible, and he is worried i will change my mind as he has no control over it. :(

OP posts:
HereForTheTinsel · 09/09/2020 20:04

No one can tell you what to do, only offer advice.
At your age I had an abortion, I was due to get married and I had severe 24hour sickness in the end I terminated the pregnancy. At the time I felt relieved, but my sister then announced a pregnancy. Only my husband and mum know of my abortion and often I regret my decision especially when I think if I had kept the baby our children would of been days apart.
I now have a wonderful son but felt very anxious during the pregnancy and was surprised that on my nhs notes he was noted as my second baby (irrelevant at the moment to you I know)
Take your time in making your decision, you obviously aren't 100% otherwise you wouldn't of started this thread.
I am also studying part time, due to complete my degree in May. It can be done. Best of luck.

KatherineofTarragon · 09/09/2020 20:05

@Suzi888 But there is help available and I wouldn’t want to make a decision on having a child solely based on my accommodation or lack of.

@Suzi888 can you pls advise then where the op would live with her baby and how she would fund this accommodation?

Jonoula · 09/09/2020 20:06

Some people get abortions others don’t. It doesn’t make them better people. Stop listening to other people. They are not you.
Whatever you decide will be the right decision.

Squiffany · 09/09/2020 20:08

The decision about whether or not to have an abortion is yours and yours alone. There is no right or wrong decision and while you obviously have to be realistic about the practical side, no one should be forcing you either way.

PenguindreamsofDraco · 09/09/2020 20:09

Having a baby sounds a bloody stupid thing to do right now, but it's still only your decision.

Squiffany · 09/09/2020 20:10

FTR, I am pro-choice, not pro-life.

Suzi888 · 09/09/2020 20:10

@IamConfused202 does your partner work... What is his housing status...
You need to have a good think, perhaps ring the Samaritans as other posters have said. I’m glad your partner is being more supportive. Wish you the best of luck with your decision, studies and the future.
There’s lots of help available- whatever you decide. Good luck!

Tunnocks34 · 09/09/2020 20:12

Only you know how you're likely to cope. I had a termination, I haven’t really thought of it since. I terminated because I wasn’t in love with my ex, I was a teenager with no money, and no house and I just wanted to get my degree, and I wanted to leave my ex - not be tied to him for the next 18 years. I have never regretted that choice, not even a little bit. I felt relief having it done, and I was relieved when it was over.

However, my best friend wasn’t so lucky. She was utterly traumatised by her choice, and even now, 9 years later she still struggles with her choice. She never would have been able to achieve the things she has done, had she kept the baby, but she says she would happily swap what she has now for that child.

npopa · 09/09/2020 20:13

@Suzi888 he has a very well paying job but he lives with his parents as he wants to buy a house outright

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/09/2020 20:14

It doesn’t sound like you are ready to have the abortion. It’s entirely your choice and I would at least give yourself a little more time to get your head around it. You need to think it only you and your child in this and accept that your bf may make the choice to leave. Have you spoken to him about your feelings?

npopa · 09/09/2020 20:15

Name change fail Confused will change my name back now to the original one as not to cause confusion Grin

MomToTwoBabas · 09/09/2020 20:15

I had an abortion op and dont regret it as it was the right decision. It is only your choice to make.

Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 20:18

All I will say is this is your decision. Nobody else's. I will say that raising a child is extremely difficult and hard work, it's also expensive.. I planned my first child with my ex because we were financially secure and in a good place to raise a child. I subsequently became pregnant 8 months after my first child, it was the most difficult 8 months of my life.. And I knew I couldn't deal with a newborn and toddler.. I made the decision to terminate that pregnancy because it wasn't the right time and I thought of me not anyone else.. I don't regret it because I wasn't in a position to give a second child everything I could give my first. This is your decision nobody else's.. If you continue with the pregnancy are you able to move out and get your own place? X

KatherineofTarragon · 09/09/2020 20:18

@Suzi888 can you respond pls.

How does Op house her herself and her chid? How does she fund that? You are now posting asking about OP DP,s partners job but OP likely to be lone parent. Can you advise how OP funds this child herself?

Oct18mummy · 09/09/2020 20:18

Please do what you want to do and don’t feel pressured into something you will later regret.

There is never a perfect time to have a baby, with some support from your family, everything else job and house will fall into place, I was in a similar situation.

If you have time on your side keep thinking and weighing everything up. Good luck in whatever you decide x

Suzi888 · 09/09/2020 20:20

Then he would surely have to pay you maintenance if you went ahead and had the child...

KatherineofTarragon · 09/09/2020 20:22

@Suzi888 pls answer my questions.

Where does op live ?
How does she fund her and her childs accomodation ?

Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 20:25

Just to add as well OP.. I had to leave my ex p because of domestic abuse, I lived in his house.. I went to the council first
And even a homeless mother whose fled DV it was extremely hard to get social housing, Im fortunate now that I can privately rent.. But when you make your decision, make it with your heart but also consider all the factors included in raising a child and how that will work for you.. Don't let anyone pressure you xx

KatherineofTarragon · 09/09/2020 20:29

@Suzi888 you have posted on this thread. Pls substantiate your posts. The Op will be reading this advice and may make decisions based on what she has read. Pls substantiate what you have said for benefit of op and her decision making.

Viviennemary · 09/09/2020 20:30

Fortunately KatherineofTarragon we have moved on from Magdalene laundries in case you haven't noticed. It wont be easy but there is help available.

feistyoneyouare · 09/09/2020 20:31

OP it's such a toughie, and obviously only you can decide, but as a pp has observed, you don't seem ready to have this abortion just yet. And you're describing strong feelings of wanting to have this baby. All I'd say is whatever you decide, please make sure it's entirely your decision and not anyone else's.

KatherineofTarragon · 09/09/2020 20:34

@Viviennemary so pls do tell the nature of the help.

KatherineofTarragon · 09/09/2020 20:47

@Viviennemary my father was born in a Magdalene laundry to an unmarried mother in Ireland in 1936. He was a lucky one, Happy to discuss you with you his memories of his time in that home. I also have birth and admission paperwork, from that time, handed to me following his death 2 yrs ago. I fully understand Magadelen homes, i am a daughter of the product of one.

Viviennemary · 09/09/2020 20:57

That was a very very long time ago. Many many of our grandparents great grandparents suffered hardships in the 1930s and then later during the war. . Women who don't have partners or have little of no support do bring up children on their own these days. Why should a women be forced to gave an abortion if she doesnt want one. I think it's brutal.

Viviennemary · 09/09/2020 20:58

Have not gave