Everybody wants me to have an abortion

[IamConfused202]

This includes my boyfriend, mum and friends.

I am 26. I have lost my job as Covid meant it lost a lot of business so I have been job hunting for 2 months now with no luck. I still live with my parents and there would be no room in the house for a baby as my younger brother and 2 sisters also live in the house.
I found out last Tuesday that I was pregnant.

I told boyfriend (I have been with him around a year and 3 months) and his immediate response was that he wasn't ready and he got really emotional about it and he wants an abortion.

I told my mum and her opinion is it isn't the right time. And she told me to get in touch with a clinic.

My best friend is up and down about it - she thinks I would be a great mum and that other people can cope but that it's up to me ultimately but she said to think about whether the timing is right.

I have convinced myself the abortion is the best thing to do. I have spoke to a nurse on the phone and the tablets will be sent in the post and should be here in the next couple of days.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick at the though. I think i'm about 6-7 weeks pregnant. I have a feeling i'm going to regret it. But i can't see any other option. Boyfriend has a good paying job but he is saving to buy a house whereas I have nothing - I do have a £2500ish saved but with no job or security I can't see how I could bring a baby into this world.

If I do abort i will be changing contraception.

I just feel so distressed.

I have explained to boyfriend that I would love to keep the baby but I don't see it being sensible, and he is worried i will change my mind as he has no control over it. :(

it is YOUR body, no one else can make this decision for you

You’re living in the 1930s @KatherineofTarragon

Someone suggested 'Adoption'....This sounds so hard.
I know two women {then girls} who had their baby adopted at birth because they were under 16... Both were from Catholic families.

One lovely girl was so traumatised by it...I lost contact with her, and just hope that she was able to reunite with her son when he was of age.
She missed him dreadfully.

The other woman looks more like her DC's sister than mum...they are reunited now.
Adoption is very hard on the mother...and sometimes for the child.

@Viviennemary the Op is not being forced to do anything. The op is being asked to consider how she will pay to raise and feed the child and herself given she has no home or income She is also being asked to consider her parents, whose home she currently lives in & Dont want this and her boyfriends wish not to be a Dad at this time.

Quite reasonable questions to ask and raise.

If op can financially support her child , her own house , her self and baby under her own steam then that is fine. When OP has a child with no home , no income , adds pressure to her parents already full home and will be relying on the state .. not fine.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

No. I am living in present day. See my post below. We can all do what we like, and make our own life choices, as long as we can pay for it.

"If op can financially support her child , her own house , her self and baby under her own steam then that is fine.

[quote KatherineofTarragon]@Suzi888 pls answer my questions.

Where does op live ?
How does she fund her and her childs accomodation ? [/quote]
FFS! Are you OP's mother?

It is absolutely NONE of anyone else's business how she funds her accommodation.
Why are you banging on about this?

I bet it is so you can call her a dole bludger! ..She may well get housing benefit..or she may not.

Sheesh!

Don’t do it if your not sure it will affect your whole life.

Physically it is your decision to have a baby or not but if you need others to help you have the baby whether financially or with having a baby around the place then you may need to listen to others. It is easy to say 'do it on your own' but can you manage that without help?

Really tricky one. But my hunch is saying to go with your heart. Your family will support you. You might find work. It's not ideal, but your boyfriend might man up and you end up getting a place together. You're 26, not a teenager and I think that, you'll probably find a way. You do need to discuss it properly face to face with a counselor.

It's ultimately your choice but I couldn't bring a child into a world where I have no secure housing, income or savings. I would feel too guilty. You have to be practical. And you're only 26.

Look at the life chances of children born to single mothers on benefit . Are YOU going to be the exception. The go for it !!

@KatherineofTarragon
In the words of Elsa, “let it go”.
Why are you so invested in dominating this thread and picking arguments with everyone. It’s not all about you!

If the OP wishes to dm me for advice regarding housing /benefits I’m willing to respond. I don’t know how helpful it would be as I live in Wales and she resides in England, but I’d do my best to signpost her.

OP stated she is desperate and upset, she’s young and pregnant, with very little support.
How wonderful it would be if she had her own house, career and lots of cash! She doesn’t. Thankfully we have a benefit and housing system in place in the U.K. (no it’s not a perfect system etc, but it’s there to help those who are vulnerable). She has a huge decision to make and is worried about where she will live and how she will survive. Seeking some advice from her local council may help alleviate some of those worries. Enabling her to tackle the bigger picture of whether she wants to have a baby, given the other issues she mentions.

“We can all do what we like, and make our own life choices, as long as we can pay for it.” What business is it of yours how anyone funds their accommodation or lifestyle.

“I am living in present day”
Really?
Your entitled to your opinions, but quite honestly you sound completely unhinged and unreasonable.
I will not be responding to you again. We disagree end of.

It's your body and your choice. The situation isn't ideal, but you need to do what works for you.
Personally, I would (with a heavy heart) abort. But you know what is best for you

@oakleaffy no, but it is Op's business. Op has posted here asking for advice. Our advice has been that she needs a home a money to raise a child.

Yes, bringing a child into this world with nothing is irreponsible in my and others view. Encouraging the Op to have a child when she has no job, no
home and a skakey relationship at best poor advice. Suggesting the oP have this child and add ronher parents overcrowding is selfish. Her DP has also said he does not want this child so OP will raise alone. Op can make whatever choices she deems fit, as long as she can support those choices and not expect her family to accommodate her and baby or the state.

It is irresponsible to have a child when you have no home or no money. You are giving birth to a human being that you cannot feed, house or clothe. How is that a responsible thing to do?
Advising Op of benefits she can claim is just pushing the issue onto society to deal with. Op is saving for a house deposit.

Op has a different path she can take. Op is at a at a crossroads. A life of single parenthood, benefits and social housing is not what i would want for my daughter. There I said it, i am
being honest, flame me all you like!

There is no way I'd abort in your situation. Both you and the child can have a great life

There are charities that you can go to who will help emotionally and practically. Lifecharity.org is one and Spuc they are pro life charities. Please contact them for help.

@Suzi888 you didn't reply to my questions as you had no answers. You don't need to reply to me now and you didn't before.

You challenged my posts, i responded to you. I asked you questions in response to you your post and they remain unanswered. All very well advising the Op but you have not clarified how she will pay for her home and child. I guess that is because you have no answer and i am sure the op will find that very helpful!

@IamConfused202 I’m not impressed that posters are telling you what to do. There’s no right or wrong, and each situation can be overcome and will likely turn out ok. 😊 All these things that seem so massive at the time work themselves out. Take a bit of space and go with what you truly feel is right for you.

@Suzi888 if the op wants to DM me about building a career, owning your own home , working full time, raising 2 kids and never claiming any benefits at all , she is welcome to do so.

It’s a heart versus head situation
I don’t think it’s very fair to bring a baby into the world where it’s father doesn’t want it , when you don’t have any means to provide for it and it’s going to place a real burden on your parents

But I understand your sadness

It’s your body, and your life.

I am pro choice, but if you have an abortion when you don’t want one you may regret it forever.

In your circs I’d ditch the boyfriend, get on the council housing waiting list and keep the baby - IF that’s what you want. It’d be hard of course- but if you had a termination you didn’t want it might eat away at you always.

Please don’t stay in a relationship with a man who would make you do this when it’s not what you want. You can do so much better.

I’m sorry your parents aren’t being supportive - it’s not their business either. It’s only yours.

Good luck. Be strong.

Please please please
Listen to yourself
You will know what is right for you.
Other people’s advice is ultimately pretty useless in a situation like this as it all comes down to your gut 💓

Please do ask for counselling from whichever provider you are with. They will want you to make the right decision for you and they will listen to you as you work out what this.

I know someone who used The Crossway Pregnancy Crisis Centre say they will support you whatever decision you make. . And they did . Can’t copy and paste whole website but can copy number +442088928483 . Search for them , they probably do phone support . Difficult times for you either way . Virtual hug x