Everybody wants me to have an abortion

[IamConfused202]

This includes my boyfriend, mum and friends.

I am 26. I have lost my job as Covid meant it lost a lot of business so I have been job hunting for 2 months now with no luck. I still live with my parents and there would be no room in the house for a baby as my younger brother and 2 sisters also live in the house.
I found out last Tuesday that I was pregnant.

I told boyfriend (I have been with him around a year and 3 months) and his immediate response was that he wasn't ready and he got really emotional about it and he wants an abortion.

I told my mum and her opinion is it isn't the right time. And she told me to get in touch with a clinic.

My best friend is up and down about it - she thinks I would be a great mum and that other people can cope but that it's up to me ultimately but she said to think about whether the timing is right.

I have convinced myself the abortion is the best thing to do. I have spoke to a nurse on the phone and the tablets will be sent in the post and should be here in the next couple of days.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick at the though. I think i'm about 6-7 weeks pregnant. I have a feeling i'm going to regret it. But i can't see any other option. Boyfriend has a good paying job but he is saving to buy a house whereas I have nothing - I do have a £2500ish saved but with no job or security I can't see how I could bring a baby into this world.

If I do abort i will be changing contraception.

I just feel so distressed.

I have explained to boyfriend that I would love to keep the baby but I don't see it being sensible, and he is worried i will change my mind as he has no control over it. :(

@KatherineofTarragon say what now?
Where have I said don’t get a job? Where have I said claim benefit and never get a job and live on UC forever.

I just don’t think many employers will want a pregnant employee... she will also get NO maternity pay. I’m pretty sure she can’t survive on fresh air, clearly you think otherwise.
I think she has enough on her plate deciding if she can have this baby, with her family and boyfriend against it. I think it’s terrible she has no support at the moment form the people in her life, when making this life changing decision. She’s already upset. I don’t think forging her career is at the top of the list right now.

My best friend had an abortion at 26 but was in far better circumstances than OP (although still not ideal). She is relieved and feels absolutely no regret.

Her life would be everything she didn't want if she had kept that child

Ring a counsellor or samaritans who can talk to you about options and making sense of things xx

@hellokitty67 the boyfriend gets an opinion and he's made his clear, but it's the OP's decision. Given the biological system we are part of, that's as fair as it gets.

(I dont personally think he's an arse for not wanting it but if the OP decides to go ahead he'll need to get with the program, financially at least).

Only you can make this decision. It’s a hard decision to make.

Plenty of people have babies when they are unemployed and living with their parents. It isn’t ideal, but it is doable with benefits, as a temporary measure.

Personally, given the fact your heart is so against this, I would look online and see what support you could get to allow you to keep the baby. Then make your choice. It won’t be easy of course, but the , living through a termination you didn’t want, and managing that grief and guilt also isn’t an easy choice.

Best of luck OP.

@VettiyaIruken

He doesn't get a say in it because it is your body and your choice. He has said how he feels, which is fair enough. But your body is not a democracy.

You need time to think about what you want. Not what your mum wants, or your friends, or your boyfriend. Do you want to have and raise a child? Can you?
It must be your decision and the first thing to do is tell people to stop putting pressure on you.

It is not just this.

It is also do you want to be tied to this person for at least 18 years.

He sounds less than supportive.

Abortions stir up all sorts of feelings. Don't have the baby because you would be ashamed of having a termination. It is your choice but I would also listen to the wishes of the father.

If you were to suffer a miscarriage would there be any relief? It could be relief at the decision being taken out of your hands and maybe it would be helpful to think about why that is.

I wish you well, whatever you decide but please don't be swayed by your mother and your friend. You are the only one who has to live with your choice if you go one way, along with your boyfriend or your baby too if you go the other way.

You don’t have a house, a job or money.

Yeah you can probably a scrape by as a single parent on benefits, possibly get a council flat if you are lucky.

But I think you would be miserable.

Or you could have an abortion whilst it’s still a bunch of cells, find a job, save up and have a baby when you are both ready and stable and can provide.

Love doesn’t put food on the table.

You sound like you want to keep the baby so keep it and make it work. Good luck.

In 2018 I was in a similar situation. Had lost my job, was living with parents and found out I was pregnant. I had an abortion. I did feel down about it, but I did get over it in time. I did also go through a period of grief and had all the awful thoughts of what if I can’t get pregnant again etc but I don’t regret it at all! The main deciding factor for me was how did I want to raise my child. Part of being a parent is being responsible and in my opinion it’s not responsible to have a child when you have no prospects at the moment and no means to take care of it. It’s still a life at the end of the day so you need to ask yourself what you feel happy with. Would you be happy raising your child as a single parent, on next to no money, with no choice or control on where you lived (assuming your can get help from the council) Or do you want to raise your child in a happy family, where you are able to properly provide for it.
I’m now pregnant again (same partner) ,and through our choice, under much better circumstances as we have lived together for some time, both employed in stable jobs and much calmer/happier as life is easier.
For the people saying to you that babies don’t need much, sure they don’t. But go and have a look at the prices of a cot, of a pram, of nappies over a week/month/year, of formula if you can’t/don’t want to breastfeed. Of clothes for them even because they grow at extraordinary rates, it really adds up. Let alone, rent, bills, council tax, childcare, food and everything else.
At the end of the day it’s only your choice to make. But it’s a decision that not only affects yourself, but would affect the future of the potential child

I don’t think I can offer advice as it is such a personal decision. I had a termination when I was around your age but the moment I found out I was pregnant (birth control also failed) I knew that a baby was the last thing I wanted at that point and all I could think about was freeing myself from that predicament. I didn’t waver for a second. But you sound very unsure and much more ready to be a mother, despite your circumstances. If you decide to go ahead, people in your life might surprise you and even surprise themselves by being more supportive when the time comes. But you will make it work somehow, even if it is really hard. But, like someone else said, don’t feel guilty if you decide this isn’t your time... 10 years after my termination I had my DD and I achieved and experienced a lot during those 10 years so there have been no regrets on my part. Best of luck. I am thinking of you.

@Suzi888 you said it about 35 mins ago. Here is your own post!

@Suzi888 I don’t think forging her career is at the top of the list right now.

Well it should be if you are bringing a new life into this world and a mouth to feed. How do you suppose feed and house that mouth... fresh air???

I wouldn't want to be allocated a single bed flat or bed sit accomm by our authority - some are filled with junkies and alcoholics, depressing places.

CatsArePeopleToo, hang on, she has nobody in her life that is supportive of her continuing the pregnancy - no-one that will step up to support her in real terms*
There will be nobody to support her when she regrets it for the rest of her life. I'm not exactly a pro-lifer, but... this isn't the case that abortion is needed.

@KatherineofTarragon I feel you’d argue quite successfully with your own shadow to be honest.
I also don’t think the OP is coming back.

So who is going to provide for them CatsarePeopleToo? Beyond the bare minimum, hand to mouth, scraping by (if you're lucky) existence on benefits as a solo Mum, with no family support, no partner?

In the middle of a pandemic, which means it's uniquely hard to get employment, let alone pregnant, or a solo Mum? With a housing crisis to boot?

And that's so long as you aren't incapacitated by pregnancy, you have a relatively good birth, without long term physical or emotional issues, and a baby that is born without issues or special needs?

Personally, I'd be shitting twinkies facing that down the cold hard barrel of realistic possibility.

And why do you say 'when she regrets it for the rest of her life?

Don't you mean 'if'?

Personally, I was sad, but I never regretted my decision. I'd made the best possible choice, not just for me, but for that child also.

@Suzi888 you may be right. I have provided solely for me and my DC's since they were born. I have not been in receipt of a single benefit ever, even child benefit i lost as i earned too much.

Still interested to see where you think where the OP will live with a new baby and no job and a full family parental home ? Can you answer that please? Where does OP live with new baby and how does she fund that?

OP - all the best with a really hard decision. Adoption is an option as well as keeping the baby or having an abortion. Do seek out counselling to talk through your options.

@Suzi888 me and my shadow really keen yo hear your financial solutions in this case.

Hi you have enough money to move into a 1 bed flat and claim benefits its no ideal but your housing issues should not be in the decision you can claim universal credit and it should cover your rent ect i know you were saving for a house but being at home is toxic for you and please don't abort because other ppl said so, can you pick up agency work temp wise in any area to stop you using all your savings

Hi sorry, I have been very tired today - I haven't been as productive as I want to be.
I am not completely doing nothing, in terms of I am doing a distance University course but obviously this is not loads of money - it is part-time so the money I get is split between two years.

I am still confused but I am taking everybody's suggestions on board. I am still in shock I am having to make this choice but such is life.

My boyfriend and family are amazing people. He would like an abortion but he did say he would support me no matter what I choose but he doesnt feel ready. The fact he is not ready and doesn't want the child makes me feel like I can't really keep the child.
It would be different if I had a secure job etc. and maybe then I could say 'well I'm keeping the child' but I don't want to force him to pay for a child that I atm would struggle to do myself aswell.

My mum is also amazing. And she's not telling me to abort the baby in a nasty, mean-spirited way. But more looking out for me and, as some other posters have mentioned, she obviously always wants the best for me.
My parents are very working-class people and i think they have never had a lot of money (but they've always been comfortable) that they probably want whats best for me.

But my heart keeps saying "nooo keep the baby, if other people can do it so can you". so it's a conflict between the heart and brain.

@Suzi888 I also don’t think the OP is coming back.

No, i hope she has gone to get some real world proper advice. There has been has some great advice on this thread but also a load of crap, claim what you can, get the free housing you can, claim this benefit you can, get UC. Live with your mum and dad for now. ( mum and dad don't want that ) Your DP will have to pay for if all.. pro life fanatics all putting pressure on the poor girl.

Jesus, if i were 26 , alone and pregnant this is the last place 50 yr old me would turn if i could tell my old self what i know now.

Oh honey. It's hard, so hard.

I would say listen to the head.

But yes, you are the one in the hotseat for this decision, and for its consequences.

Aroha nui.

Oh also I probably worded it wrong in my OP but my boyfriend and I are saving for a deposit to buy a house together