To ask family/friends to not refer to my twin girls as “the twins”

[Bananacloud]

To treat them as individuals. To call them by their names and to stop calling them “the twins”.

Obviously, as a mum, I did quite a lot of research and found that by treating them as “a pair” and not as individuals, they are more chances of them developing eating disorders etc. It’s shit cuz it feels like I’m being a little precious with everyone when I mention not using that word.
What does everyone think?

Umm good luck. I think you will have to focus on other ways of supporting their identity.

I call my two the boys. If they were girls I’d call them the girls. If they were twins I’d call them either of the above if relevant plus the twins. If you have several you often have a ‘the younger ones’ or the big ones split. Etc etc, people group. Always. I appreciate there may be distinctions specific to twins but choose your battles. Different classes at school is something you can push for. (Different schools even)

I think you are being a tiny bit precious. How is it different from referring to them as “the kids” or “the girls”?

Here, have a grip

It's just what people say. You'll just sound like a twat if you ask them not to.

I voted YABU not because I think you are but because it won’t happen. I have 2 girls and they get ‘the girls’ from me, from their dad, from family and friends because it’s easier to say the girls then both their names. It just is.

You cannot control what words other people use. Everybody knows they are individuals, it is easier and natural to say “the twins”. (I have twins in my family).

I have twins and two single
Tons
I refer to the girls and the boys.
They are still individuals

Ahaha I’m a twin and also have other sisters - and we have been referred to collectively as the twins and the girls all our lives. None of us have ever had an eating disorder. It’s just a practical way of grouping them. I’m sure that your family will treat your twins as individuals when dealing with them individually- I certainly was treated as such.

Being a twin I hate it when people say the twins. I'm not precious just hate it. I do however love having a twin sister.

Married to a twin who feels very strongly about this. YANBU

I don't have twins but still say "the boys" as I have two sons, my friend says "the girls" as she has two daughters. We also have a family nickname that means both of you rather than using their individual names.

They are now 17 and 14, very individual because we treat them like the individuals they are. My sister and I are very close in age, so much so that our parents dressed us in matching outfits and people assumed we were twins all the time despite looking like polar opposites.

Interesting! Glad I posted because so far you have proved that I’m actually being unreasonable.

😮

I get it, but it'll be like shoveling snow in a snow storm.

Honestly, not worth it, put your energy into you treating them like individuals instead. (Which I realise you already do.)

I think you're being completely reasonable. It's good for twins to grow up being able to form their own identity rather than their twin status being referred to regularly, and compared and contrasted to each other all the time. Sure they're bound to be discussed as the twins at school and places outside the home, but friends and family ought to respect your decision to support their individuality.

You can ask but most people will forget or think it's a bit precious.

No one says 'hey you twins', when talking directly to them, most people would use names even if they get them the wrong way round.

@SerenDippitty

I think you are being a tiny bit precious. How is it different from referring to them as “the kids” or “the girls”?

This exactly.

If you went on to have other children would you want them to be named individually or say things like “ I’m doing roast chicken for the children for dinner”

Actions matter more than words (although words are important too). Not worth upsetting your family over the words, but encourage them to treat them as individuals, separate play dates or granny time etc.

YABVU and precious and you can not control what people call your children.

I call my kids ‘the kids,’ and my sister and friends’ kids ‘their kids.’ None of them have shown any psychological trauma from it, but maybe twins are different? If so, crack on and ask for your relatives to refer to them as ‘the kids’ instead of ‘the twins.’

Sorry, but that is more than a tad precious

My cousins were referred to as The Girls rarely as the twins. I don't recall my aunt ever asking for us to do that, it's just what happened.
I think dressing identically (which aunt never did) would affect their sense of individuality more. They did dress similarly but that's because A might like B's dress, but she might end up with sameish dress in a different colour.

I'd focus on

• individual presents
• individual birthday cakes
• no joint cards ever
• separate birthday parties?
• non matching clothes

How is this any different than referring to any siblings as 'the kids', 'the girls', 'the boys' etc? Or referring to a family as 'the family' or 'the Smiths' etc. Sometimes you refer to people collectively, sometimes individually. It's perfectly normal and not a way of erasing anyone's individuality.

I have twins and a singleton, I refer to them as "the girls" rather than the twins, not on purpose, that's just how it comes out .. I have two sisters and the three of us were always referred to as the girls and my Dh has two girls who we refer to as the girls rather than their names more often than not

Hmm... If they refer to them by name, one will always come first (eg everyone will say Jenny and Jill, it will catch in, never be Jill and Jenny - poor Jill is always second). What would you do then.

My family has lots of collective names for groups of children (big ones, little ones, the twins, the girls, the cousins etc). That's just how life goes.