Kids’ parties - who pays?

[Crummyfunnymummy]

My DP is organising his DD’s party (aged 9) and she wants to invite 8 other girls from her class to an activity. He has just emailed the parents inviting their DDs along and giving them details of the activity and a couple of dates to choose from and letting them know it’s £22.50 each. I saw the email (after it was sent) and said “you’re not asking parents to pay, are you?!” And he said yes he was. Was that not OK? Otherwise it’ll cost him £200 or thereabouts, plus food! I said yes, this is what a party costs! I’ve paid double that before when we were doing whole class parties (thankfully no more!). He’s not at all mean, I just think he doesn’t have much experience of organising his DD’s birthday parties before now. So my question is more IHBU (Is He Being Unreasonable)?
Yes - you can’t expect parents to pay for their child’s activity
No - it’s fine to ask parents to pay

To those saying recall the message....it doesnt always work how you think it will.

With my provider - and with others who have recalled emails sent to me - it just sends a message saying the original has been recalled, but its still there for you to read!!

I doubt anyone will go if they have to pay.

If he can't afford it he should put on a cheaper party. I wouldn't pay full price for a party. Maybe half price but otherwise no! And definitely not a present on top

Aww don't let nasty people on here get you down it's just typical men thing with your dp I'm sure mine would think the same 🤣 my dad would probly to, probly why i never had parties only sleepovers when older. I think it's a funny post and very relatable with the men in my family. But I'm on your side on this post. Glad he saw where you was coming from xx

I think it's a funny post and very relatable with the men in my family
You poor thing.

So that have to pay to come to a party, and then they would be expected to buy a gift onto. Totally out or order. If you invite children to a bday party you cover the cost

@Crummyfunnymummy

Yes lessons learnt all round Him - host pays Me - don’t post on Mumsnet ever again!!

Glad he's seen sense!

I'm glad you posted, one of the best/funniest/genuine posts for ages!

It's nice have real people post!

You both sound 'real' & 'normal'. Unlike half the bloody threads these days!

Keep posting, you just have to wade through the ridiculous posts & enjoy the others

Hope his DD has a great party!!

I'm glad you posted, one of the best/funniest/genuine posts for ages!
It's nice have real people post! You both sound 'real' & 'normal'. Unlike half the bloody threads these days!
Keep posting, you just have to wade through the ridiculous posts & enjoy the others

What the actual fuck? 😂😂😂

I got mixed up by your options.

How did people get angry about this thread and turn it nasty? Obviously OP's DP just isn't experienced about hosting children's (or anyone's) parties. TO be fair if an adult invited me out for a birthday meal in a restaurant I would expect to buy my own food so I can see how he'd be confused if he's never done it before.

Glad it's sorted OP and hope your DD has a lovely birthday.

Why can’t I see the voting option ?
@Crummyfunnymummy hats off to your DP for organising the party. But he is clearly a novice ! Has he not dealt with invites from other parents then ? Just so he might have had an inkling ?

Hate to mention the Covid word but how can he have a party in a venue with 8 kids invited? Isn’t it still restricted to 6 people from max 2 households socialising?

It’s my DS (11)‘s birthday in 2 weeks and we weren’t planning on organising a party for him because we didn’t think they were allowed at the moment even though the kids are socialising during school hours.

I assume if you're in the UK it is cancelled now after last night's restriction changes

YANBU never heard of anything so ridiculous.😕
Sadly it serves him right if no-one comes to the party, but very sad for his DD😢
I think he needs to rescue this situation quickly.

The new rules will make this party impossible now anyway 🤣 hope it's refundable!

YANBU.

Never in the history of parties (6 kids) have I EVER asked parents to pay.

I know there is a growing trend of parents booking outrageously expensive parties and then expecting parents to contribute but it really is the height of bad manners.... I don't care who you are or what the generation.

You need to send a: oops, DH who'd have em eh? email and rectify this mess..... although, as gatherings over 6 people are now banned with a fine of £100 pp I would say it's a moot point.

£22.50
Are they milking a unicorn?

Never heard of guests paying to attend a party regardless of age group.

No parent should pay to come to a child's party.

Sounds like a resounding no for expecting parents to pay for your DC party! Saying that, I have in the past paid for my DC to attend a soft play party and cinema party and not been bothered by having to pay. If you don't know the parents very well, they may not wish to do this. And with the new Covid restrictions in place from Monday, it does sound like you may have to cancel or adjust it to less people unfortunately.

MJMG2015 Thanks! 😊

And to update those who came in late, he did end up organising something else cheaper, and was going to pay for all of it (he realised he’d got it wrong) but then this had to be cancelled as the new COVID rules kicked in! All in all, a bit of a disaster as party organising goes!
And thank you to those of you who had nice and encouraging things to say. I never expected such vitriolic responses to be honest. People can be really judgemental and vile, cant they?! Oh well, perhaps I need to grow a pair and not let those types of people upset me. Xx

When it's someones birthday in my friend group we go out to dinner and pay for ourselves. Presumably if we each took turns to pay for everyone it would work out the same overall but no big upfront cost. Is that unreasonable?

😂😂😂... Well looks like I'm gonna be the minority... Up to a certain age parties tend to be fees able however once you start factoring the price of some of these places... It is very costly there is no shame in asking people to pay.. Its all about how you word it..

When our Tweens started to want Thorpe park trips for birthdays etc if we hadn't collected the coupons then we asked for parents to pay but we footed food and travel costs and explained that we understood if they couldn't make it.

Parties ain't how they use to be it ain't just a hall or a. Mcds or wimpy party, every year the bar gets raised and with the current climate whether someone is cheap or not things are genuinely expensive.

What parent will pay to send their child to a party knowing they will also be expected to bring a gift? I would suggest he invites the kids for tea rather than the activity if cost is an issue.

@Perfect28

When it's someones birthday in my friend group we go out to dinner and pay for ourselves. Presumably if we each took turns to pay for everyone it would work out the same overall but no big upfront cost. Is that unreasonable?

Adults going out to dinner is completely different to a kids party though. Different etiquette.