Kids’ parties - who pays?

[Crummyfunnymummy]

My DP is organising his DD’s party (aged 9) and she wants to invite 8 other girls from her class to an activity. He has just emailed the parents inviting their DDs along and giving them details of the activity and a couple of dates to choose from and letting them know it’s £22.50 each. I saw the email (after it was sent) and said “you’re not asking parents to pay, are you?!” And he said yes he was. Was that not OK? Otherwise it’ll cost him £200 or thereabouts, plus food! I said yes, this is what a party costs! I’ve paid double that before when we were doing whole class parties (thankfully no more!). He’s not at all mean, I just think he doesn’t have much experience of organising his DD’s birthday parties before now. So my question is more IHBU (Is He Being Unreasonable)?
Yes - you can’t expect parents to pay for their child’s activity
No - it’s fine to ask parents to pay

(Voted wrong, saw your comment after)
I’d not expect to pay for my kid (as a guest) in that situation.

'He has just emailed the parents inviting their DDs along and giving them details of the activity and a couple of dates to choose from and letting them know it’s £22.50 each.'

Oh my goodness

I'd be mortified

Ah no don’t leave! I’d be exactly the same as you if it was my DP, he’s also v stubborn. Stay and keep us posted on responses, he’ll have to u-turn eventually

A girl at school had a horse riding party- my parents were the only ones who didn’t pay☹️
I still remember the shame as we cantered along Wimbledon Common.
The other girls were vile about it.
My parents were poorer - a lot of the other girls had merchant banker racehorse trainer parents-
I was 11 and wanted to die of shame.
I’d never expect kids to pay.

What are they doing that cost £22.50. (Very nosy sorry)
My dc are adults so it’s quite a few years since I did pre teen parties. I did Soft play, laser tag, bowling or cinema trips and can’t recall paying more than £10 a head.

This is madness. They are having to pay £22 to attend a party, and then buy a present too. Really cheeky.

Cringe! You need to LTB and pretend you’ve never met him!

@Crummyfunnymummy

Ok, I think I’m gonna bow out now. Started this to see if I had a proper understanding of party etiquette as a sense check really. But some people seem to want to get quite personal and nasty, either about me or about my DP. Seems to often be the way on AIBU so I’ll thank those of you who responded and will leave the others to the inevitable character assassinations.

There are some really nasty keyboard warriors on MN, especially AIBU - please ignore them, most of us are entertained and chuckling away at your poor/daft DP's antics!

I presume you're not the child's mother. I imagine her own mother will go spare when she finds out.

How is it that men rule the world?

That’s so cheeky. Of course the parents of the birthday child should pay. I wouldn’t expect for a second to have to pay for my child to attend another child’s party.
@FatBottomedGurl has devised a perfect email to deal with it.

He’s got this very badly wrong, and I really feel for your daughter because it’s her that’s going to be missing out. Her friends’ parents will be (quite rightly) unimpressed that they’ve paid for your daughter umpteen times, and now they’re being asked to fork out again. It doesn’t just mess up the party this time, it might mean that she doesn’t get invited to future activities.

Anyone can make mistakes the first time, but I would struggle to find anything attractive about a man whose stubbornness and refusal to lose face caused friction with his child’s friends.

He could redeem himself with the suggestions above but if he's going to be stubborn it won't work. Poor DD.

Except @Inertia the birthday girl is not OP’s daughter, hence her amusement.

Cringing for him! He needs to fix this for his daughter's sake. It will he talked about. It's not fair to leave it.

And the DD will never be invited to parties in future. She'll be the kid who's dad was happy for her to go to activities paid for by the hosts but who won't reciprocate. It's awful.

Sorry yes, his daughter not your daughter. I’d still feel very sorry for her though, in your shoes.

I'm actually astounded that he's digging in heels in on this. Poor girl.

Perhaps his "tightness" is due to limited funds.

Then he should choose an option that is affordable for him @canigooutyet

I wouldn't be able to get past this, would have to be a LTB for me.

@JenniferSantoro

That’s so cheeky. Of course the parents of the birthday child should pay. I wouldn’t expect for a second to have to pay for my child to attend another child’s party. *@FatBottomedGurl* has devised a perfect email to deal with it.

Agree that fat bottomed girl’s email is the best way to deal with it if your husband changes his mind.

And if he doesn’t change is mind then he’ll inevitably learn a hard lesson about planning parties when he witnesses his daughter’s disappointment at the low attendance.

I’m sorry that some people are being nasty. In the grand scheme of things this isn’t that big a deal or something for people to assassinate you and your husband over. He’s been upfront about the costs, and while charging guests is poor etiquette, he isn’t ambushing anyone.

Dear God, DD was invited to a party like this. She did go because I didn't want her friend to be disappointed. But boy did I judge the parents!

@Janaih

I wouldn't be able to get past this, would have to be a LTB for me.

Seriously

Even if he digs his heels in about paying, please ask him to set a date himself. Otherwise it’s going to look awful if he picks a date knowing that some poor child can’t make it.

Do you live in England op ? If so you can’t organise an activity party for that number of children anyway.