Kids’ parties - who pays?

[Crummyfunnymummy]

My DP is organising his DD’s party (aged 9) and she wants to invite 8 other girls from her class to an activity. He has just emailed the parents inviting their DDs along and giving them details of the activity and a couple of dates to choose from and letting them know it’s £22.50 each. I saw the email (after it was sent) and said “you’re not asking parents to pay, are you?!” And he said yes he was. Was that not OK? Otherwise it’ll cost him £200 or thereabouts, plus food! I said yes, this is what a party costs! I’ve paid double that before when we were doing whole class parties (thankfully no more!). He’s not at all mean, I just think he doesn’t have much experience of organising his DD’s birthday parties before now. So my question is more IHBU (Is He Being Unreasonable)?
Yes - you can’t expect parents to pay for their child’s activity
No - it’s fine to ask parents to pay

My DS got invited to a birthday party where I was asked to pay and it was nearer £30. Then there was a suggestion that we provide a packed dinner as it ended far away around 6pm. It was on the boy's actual birthday and I became aware that only one other child had accepted the invitation so I agreed for my son to go as I felt bad for the birthday child (the packed tea did in the event get changed to McDonalds) but was pissed off thinking what part of this is a party???

If he's short of funds he should arrange something else, picnic and games in the park or something.

Do you live in England op ? If so you can’t organise an activity party for that number of children anyway.

Yes you can.

Charging guests is really bad form.

A woman I didn't know overly-well (perfectly pleasant person) invited me and DH to her 40th birthday party. We went along, with gift of course, and were charged 80 quid each for the pleasure of her company!

She looked like she was having a great time, oblivious to all the incredulous reactions. We still laugh about it.

We might try this 'contribution approach' when we next have some people around to dinner.
I'm not sure about the wine, I know I'll have more than my fair share (I always do, so it's expected really) so on balance we could be quids in. 👍👍👍

Uh oh someone’s going to be talked about tomorrow

Surprised there isn’t a thread already about someone’s kid being invited to a party and being expected to pay

Also my eight-year-old‘s birthday is coming up and we decided not to do anything because of covid A lot of people still wouldn’t feel comfortable with that sort of activity so you might have some rejections because of that also

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

We might try this 'contribution approach' when we next have some people around to dinner. I'm not sure about the wine, I know I'll have more than my fair share (I always do, so it's expected really) so on balance we could be quids in. 👍👍👍

If it's an activity rather than a party wouldn't the equivalent be a restaurant trip not a dinner party? I would always pay for myself in that circumstance? I guess maybe it's different for children. I'm sure I remember paying for myself for bowling/cinema birthday trips as a tween.

Mumsnet just makes me think I have no social skills

@AmandaHoldensLips did you pay?

I have been to adult birthday meals a few times and you are expected to pay for your own plus you are often expected to chip in to pay for the birthday person's meal too

I would expect food to always be provided at a party so wouldn't be happy to pay for that. Otherwise if you were taking the kids out to the zoo or an adventure park for example I would be happy to pay if my dc wanted to go.

@Spiderbaby8
Well the title was "Kid's parties" had it been "Kid's Trek up K2" I think I would agree with you and I wouldn't be funding warm clothes, sleeping bags, flights, vaccinations, she-wees etc. but I feel my original comment stands.
Although my guests do usually bring a bottle of wine (although genetally only the 75cl size or snack-size as I call it)

Cringe that he thinks it’s ok to ask for money, cringe that he’s digging his heels in, cringe that he literally knows nothing about kids birthday parties - and honestly cringing for you that this is your fella

I am so embarrased for him! He will be the talk of the playground for years!

Crummyfunnymummy please tell us how many positive replies he gets. He might be right and we might be wrong!

I'd get this deleted, it's going to get picked up by other websites, I don't imagine that would do much for your relationship

Crummyfunnymummy please tell us how many positive replies he gets. He might be right and we might be wrong!

Ppl may indeed pay up so their kids can go and not be disappointed. It won't mean they won't think it's a really odd request and possibly gossip about it to each other

Parents already give up their time on weekends to ferry kids to these things, there’s NO way I would attend a party I had to pay for as well as being stuck in a play centre or build a bloody bear or wherever! That’s also quite steep cost wise - plus the kid will need a birthday pressie....

This thread is a great example of how blind many men are to their near-total dependence on women for sustaining their social lives - more than that, their social existence.

That poor kid will get a load of no’s. If he’s short of cash a picnic in the park will do, doesn’t have to cost a fortune.
Have you told him that presents need to be bought for birthday kid too? So £22 whatever, a £10 on a pressie and travel/ petrol and people
Are paying £35-£40 for a kids party...

[quote WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat]@Spiderbaby8
Well the title was "Kid's parties" had it been "Kid's Trek up K2" I think I would agree with you and I wouldn't be funding warm clothes, sleeping bags, flights, vaccinations, she-wees etc. but I feel my original comment stands.
Although my guests do usually bring a bottle of wine (although genetally only the 75cl size or snack-size as I call it)[/quote]
yep, I guess I hear activity I think something different from the usual party but I understand your point.

He should definitely retract it- I thought you had some good suggested wordings. I’m less baffled about him not really having organised one but more baffled that he hasn’t noticed he’s probably never paid for one for his daughter.

Aw, I’m actually really mortified for the poor guy - he just sounds a bit clueless!

Nope, he's unreasonable. Massive faux pas

It’s fine. It’s all sorted. He has opted for something cheaper and is paying for all of it. No harm done. Just to say that I think some of you are really quite mean. To defend him slightly he is not mean or tight. He is not a chauvinist pig who let his wife do everything. He did the earning and was often working overseas and his wife was a SAHM. His wife left a couple of years ago and yes she did do a lot of the family organising so yes he is navigating a fair few new situations. I don’t think this thread should be used as judgement that I ought to leave him! Nor do I think I am a “lovely person” (said sarcastically) for posting this. told him I would sense check on Mumsnet to be sure I want crazy and he laughed and told me to go ahead. All very lighthearted! Thank you again to those of you who suggested appropriate words or who gave me a giggle. I’m sorry that some of you felt the need to be quite so scathing. Maybe I’ll think twice before posting what was meant to be a lighthearted question in order to double check I had not misunderstood party etiquette.

Haha! He's confused a kids birthday party with a lads trip out for someone's birthday . He may be surprised that the guests bring cards and presents, which men never do with each other IMO.