Kids’ parties - who pays?

[Crummyfunnymummy]

My DP is organising his DD’s party (aged 9) and she wants to invite 8 other girls from her class to an activity. He has just emailed the parents inviting their DDs along and giving them details of the activity and a couple of dates to choose from and letting them know it’s £22.50 each. I saw the email (after it was sent) and said “you’re not asking parents to pay, are you?!” And he said yes he was. Was that not OK? Otherwise it’ll cost him £200 or thereabouts, plus food! I said yes, this is what a party costs! I’ve paid double that before when we were doing whole class parties (thankfully no more!). He’s not at all mean, I just think he doesn’t have much experience of organising his DD’s birthday parties before now. So my question is more IHBU (Is He Being Unreasonable)?
Yes - you can’t expect parents to pay for their child’s activity
No - it’s fine to ask parents to pay

Glad he's revised the plans OP. Hopefully she has a good party now and he's able to laugh about his original plan soon.

Phew! Hope she and her friends have a fab time - which is what counts, after all.

I think it was when you said he had dug his heels in and was refusing to revise. It made him seem like a massive arse. Glad he's not.

Glad it's sorted, OP. Hope they all have a lovely time. Is he doing party bags?

Yeah he’s doing party bags. He’s charging for them, obvs!!!

I told him I would sense check on Mumsnet to be sure I want crazy and he laughed and told me to go ahead. All very lighthearted!
I wonder why you posted that he refused to listen to you and was digging his heels in, in that case?
Doesn't sound particularly lighthearted to me, but none of it sounds remotely believable anyway, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I just don’t think it’s that’s hilarious lighthearted or amusing as It’s potentially damaging to his child’s friendships and social standing. If it was your nine year old daughter I bet you wouldn’t be laughing.

Imagine if he did something so your entire friendship group thought you were socially clueless and tight. Still laughing? Didn’t think so...

Geezo, it's just a minor social misstep, it's really not that big of a deal. I doubt his daughter's pals will be reading the email or making any presumptions about his daughter because of her dad's etiquette fail.

Nooooo! The birthday child’s parents pay for everyone. If it’s too much money, choose a different activity or downsize (favourite 4 friends only or something).

I feel so embarrassed for your DD @Crummyfunnymummy. How can DP think that is okay?! Hope he is able to rectify it pronto.

So so glad it's sorted @Crummyfunnymummy! Sounds like a good solution. Happy Birthday to the Birthday girl!

Oh behave being dramatic @Crummyfunnymummy
You knew exactly what you were doing embarrassing him on here, and now a few posters have called you out your defensive? 🙄

I would expect host to pay ...but that being said I wouldn’t think badly of someone if they asked Me to contribute for my child, maybe cash is tight. I’d rather help as opposed to thinking of A child not getting a party. Maybe I’m soft

Excellent shoehorning in of his wife being responsible for his marriage breakdown there

@Clymene

Excellent shoehorning in of his wife being responsible for his marriage breakdown there

I imagine she left because she was doing it all on her own anyway

@Janaih - yes we did! She was standing right there as though everything was totally normal!

It was a school mum from our kids' school so we didn't want to make an awkward situation worse...

@GalaxyCookieCrumble

Oh behave being dramatic *@Crummyfunnymummy* You knew exactly what you were doing embarrassing him on here, and now a few posters have called you out your defensive? 🙄

This.

You had ample opportunity to explain that it was light-hearted.

Instead you updated saying he was digging his heels in and refusing to budge.

Suddenly his big, bad wife has run off and he’s the best man in the world ever because he has to navigate a party?

Don’t post updates for dramatic effect and then whine about people being mean.

The whole thing is moot now that it’s a 6 person limit anyway (if you’re in England).

Oh I am mortified for him. I don’t have any experience of organising children’s parties either as I don’t have children. But I have heard of parties, been invited to a few of them as a child and an adult and I know I have never been asked to pay. Or get to pick from a selection of dates.

I’m embarrassed for him. It’s common sense that if you throw a party for your kid you pay.

ATM, no-one 😬

In more open times, the hosts.

Yes lessons learnt all round
Him - host pays
Me - don’t post on Mumsnet ever again!!

Dramatic to the last... 🙄

@Crummyfunnymummy

Yes lessons learnt all round Him - host pays Me - don’t post on Mumsnet ever again!!

Ffs! 🤣🤣🤣

Nasty people. Go away! 🤣