Kids’ parties - who pays?

[Crummyfunnymummy]

My DP is organising his DD’s party (aged 9) and she wants to invite 8 other girls from her class to an activity. He has just emailed the parents inviting their DDs along and giving them details of the activity and a couple of dates to choose from and letting them know it’s £22.50 each. I saw the email (after it was sent) and said “you’re not asking parents to pay, are you?!” And he said yes he was. Was that not OK? Otherwise it’ll cost him £200 or thereabouts, plus food! I said yes, this is what a party costs! I’ve paid double that before when we were doing whole class parties (thankfully no more!). He’s not at all mean, I just think he doesn’t have much experience of organising his DD’s birthday parties before now. So my question is more IHBU (Is He Being Unreasonable)?
Yes - you can’t expect parents to pay for their child’s activity
No - it’s fine to ask parents to pay

This is 100% something my husband would do.

That would be a swift No Fucking Way from me.

He seriously expects people to pay for the privilege of bringing their child to another 9 year olds party ... and stump up for a present no doubt.

I'll be amazed if anyone rsvps 'yes'!

If it makes him feel any better, it's the kind of thing I might have done in the past just out of sheer cluelessness. Some of us are less good at noticing social convention. It's not done out of malice, and I've been mortified in the past that I've misread a social situation and been too honest/blunt/literal. I don't think it's really that outre to ask people to pay.

It both shows that he doesn't know what he is doing and that he's had little to do with your DD having and going to parties for 9 years.

To be fair to him, my DH has had about the same level of involvement - he makes the cake and does what I ask of him on the day. My DH has bought DD one of her presents this year (age 10). But otherwise presents for our DDs arrive at our house by magic. Invitations, bookings and party bags all sort themselves out without his input. My DH has never RSVP'd, chosen and wrapped a present for another kid or stayed at a party (when they were little). He's done the odd drop off/pick up, but normally says "ok, you'll need to remind me".

I can't decide if it's just the way we split things - DH does some stuff that I don't do - or actually crap.

No, not taken well!!

Oh god how awfully embarrassing!!

This is going viral isn’t it

How is giving the guests a selection of dates to choose from going to work? .

@Crummyfunnymummy

This is going viral isn’t it

You seem inordinately happy at the prospect. Why? It's cringingly awful.

he is being very unreasonable. You cannot invite people to a party and expect them to pay for their children. However, you can correct this easily by sending another email stating that you'll be covering the costs.

Oh the poor naive man

I am so often in the minority on these but I think as long as it's made clear before hand I wouldn't have a problem paying for a special activity. It would be different if it was for food/hall/cake which is the hosts responsibility but something like paint-balling or cinema I wouldn't mind .

Sorry voted wrong

Bloody hell he’s a cheapskate. Tell him to organise something less expensive if he can’t afford it. Mortifying.

You start with what you're willing to pay, then what you want to do, then work out how many children you can afford to invite. (Then revise activity if that and numbers don't fit).

Obviously!

He’s someone’s ex...?

Oh bless him, he's tried which counts. We've all messed up.
I'd just advise him to send a quick follow up saying he'd made a mistake in the email - cut and pasted the wrong section or autocorrect etc and clarify the situation.

Ah I think someone wants to be in the Daily Mail

Oh God how embarrassing. I’m surprised he didn’t include his daughter’s birthday present wish list in the email too.

Are some people on here really new?
Birthday parties fall under "wife work" for many households because the "man" has an important job and he's far too busy to do anything. Too busy to check Amazon during the commute to arrange gifts for his family. Too important to sort out the delivery with whatever supermarket

Then there's "family" money. Every goes in and unless the partner is controlling aren't going to question every single debit. Then there's the I pay everything for the kids and he pays the rest, sometimes this also involves "house keeping" money given to the parent paying for all the kids stuff.

Too many people fall for the my job is important, I'm far to busy etc line trotted out by lazy fuckers. And some end up in the situation the dad is now in as a result.,

On the contrary! I certainly have no desire to go viral. Am laughing because that would cringeworthy and awful!

LOL; if you ask friends to dinner, does he expect them to pay?

Oh no, I think the only thing he can do is email and say "Really sorry, I've never organised a dc's party before and dw has just let me know it's completely out of order to charge kids to attend. I hope you won't all think I'm a complete cf. Best wishes, Crummy's dh"

To help him understand, perhaps he could be asked to think how many £22.50s he has paid over the years for his DD to attend friends' parties.

To save face, he could say he mentioned £22.50 in case anyone wanted to ask to bring siblings?