Kids’ parties - who pays?

[Crummyfunnymummy]

My DP is organising his DD’s party (aged 9) and she wants to invite 8 other girls from her class to an activity. He has just emailed the parents inviting their DDs along and giving them details of the activity and a couple of dates to choose from and letting them know it’s £22.50 each. I saw the email (after it was sent) and said “you’re not asking parents to pay, are you?!” And he said yes he was. Was that not OK? Otherwise it’ll cost him £200 or thereabouts, plus food! I said yes, this is what a party costs! I’ve paid double that before when we were doing whole class parties (thankfully no more!). He’s not at all mean, I just think he doesn’t have much experience of organising his DD’s birthday parties before now. So my question is more IHBU (Is He Being Unreasonable)?
Yes - you can’t expect parents to pay for their child’s activity
No - it’s fine to ask parents to pay

Maybe something like 'sorry, I copied the info I sent to Crummyfunnymummy and sent it without thinking!

The date is x, and we would be delighted if your child could come.

Surely he has noticed that he hasn't paid for parties his dd has attended?

You are clearly right.

When mine started secondary and the first expensive uniform and equipment shop, I always reminded myself that it was buying my freedom from all this party shit. No teacher gifts. No cards for about a trillion kids. Nothing. If they wanted to do all that they had pocket money.

It's not normal to charge for people to attend a party, but he has been upfront about it, and it is their choice whether they come, so I think it's fair enough. I'd be interested to see what responses he gets, and whether anyone is willing to come.

Dates to choose from as well? Oh jeez, he's really ballsed this up.

If I was him I'd hold my hands up that I'm a party novice but now know the error of my ways.

Oh no 🙈 I'm cringing for him

@Stompythedinosaur

Surely he has noticed that he hasn't paid for parties his dd has attended?

You are clearly right.

Looks like the woman looked after all that for him previously

omg how embarrassing never mind you live and learn and agree hes obviously very inexperienced in these things!

No, you don't pay for your own child at the party - whoever does the inviting pays!

He got to age 9 with his child and didn't ever arrange a birthday outing with friends before??

Right, so to save face, he could either pretend it was an accidental c&p or he could clarify that the amount is in case parents want to bring additional siblings so would pay for the uninvited ones. That's common enough among parents here.

I have never asked parents to pay for their kids to attend a party. You just can't!!

How embarrassing for him that he didn't understand this basic concept.

We're all new to this the first time we throw a party for our kids, but somehow we manage to grasp social mores without showing ourselves up like this.
Strange, that.

Oh no, what a mare!!

Yes, you defo need to chase the email and clear it up and if your DP complains show him this thread!!

Amazing 😂

I think he should just own it and send a follow up email along the lines of "in case it wasn't obvious, I'm new to this party organising thing - let's try that again". Then state the date, clarify that there'll be no cost for guests etc

Of course you don't ask for people to pay to attend your child's party. Or does he routinely pay for his child to attend parties?

Birthday child's parents always pay in primary.

This might make your h feel better but in my DD's secondary school circle, birthday girl will say "It's my birthday and I want to do X" and everybody pays for themselves.

I also voted the wrong one, sorry. How cringemaking. i hope he won't be shocked if all the invitations are declined.

You are right.

I always pay for all the children at DS's parties.

Whole-class parties - venue - entertainer - decorations - food and drink - cake - party bags etc etc = £££££

Nah.

😁 hope he’s taken it well.

You don't ask people to pay to attend a party. Ever! Get him to email them quickly to say he's paying.

God how embarrassing. You’re the host you pay or else it’s a simple “would you like to meet up at x?” If you can’t afford it have a less expensive party. Kids generally don’t mind.

@Crummyfunnymummy

I’m going to suggest he sends an update saying “sorry if I was unclear, I wasn’t asking you to pay!”

That would be embarrassing as he was asking them to pay.

The closest I had to this was a paint ball party when I said I would be paying for the activity and x number of paintballs per child (which was enough To take part in each game.
I then said I had arranged for a discount for extra paintballs so the individual child could purchase more if they wished.
I also provided a picnic lunch for them including the parents who stayed.