To ask what mainstream parents really think about the kids with special needs.

[Willbob]

I have a child with SEN. He has complex needs; statement at three transferred to ehcp. We had to fight for a mainstream setting. He has full time 1:1. My older childer is very bright and now goes to a selective grammar school for secondary education. I had the "normal" school parent experience with him.

Other parents at school are mainly pleasant, some more so than others like any parent really but completely different to my my experience with my older child. I do wonder though for those who don't understand or know the sen world what you really think about the kids in your child school like my son? I imagine some like it and see the value of having them there, where as some see them as a drain on funding or a distraction. Just curious really. Though this maybe a good place to ask as anonymous.

@Haworthia Dd's place is funded by the Local Authority through her EHCP. Fees at her school start at £70k per academic year that's for a 38 week day placement which is what dd is then extra support costs more. They also offer a 52 week placement and there is boarding facilities as well so for those children it's probably three times the basic fees.
You really need to secure an EHCP (if you live in England) now and be prepared for a fight probably many times during your son's school life because getting sufficient support in the right placement is a real battle.
My son used to like to play beat the calculator, he was always happy having somebody shouting out numbers for him to calculate in his head whilst his sibling put them in to a calculator
If you are told he is too academically able to need an EHCP or that school need to try and fail first don't listen. Check out IPSEA and SOSSEN who advise on educational law rather than policy that you will most likely get from schools and the LA.

What has IQ got to do with going to grammar school and university.

I was asked to join Mensa (single sex private school did IQ tests when we first started)

I left school with no real qualifications (1 O level and amazed I passed that one as I mid read the timetable and missed 1/2 the exam)

Just because you have a high IQ it doesn’t necessarily mean you are academically bright.

My son had a lovely chap in his
Class with Down syndrome
It was very positive for everyone involved

Best success story of this I’ve seen actually

That remind me, my ds had a girl in his year who had down syndrome. My ds was a moody so and so and would barely say good morning to anyone, even his best mates, they got a grunt if they were lucky..the only time I heard him say a pleasant, chirpy good morning was to this particular girl.

@Willbob

I have a child with SEN. He has complex needs; statement at three transferred to ehcp. We had to fight for a mainstream setting. He has full time 1:1. My older childer is very bright and now goes to a selective grammar school for secondary education. I had the "normal" school parent experience with him.

Other parents at school are mainly pleasant, some more so than others like any parent really but completely different to my my experience with my older child. I do wonder though for those who don't understand or know the sen world what you really think about the kids in your child school like my son? I imagine some like it and see the value of having them there, where as some see them as a drain on funding or a distraction. Just curious really. Though this maybe a good place to ask as anonymous.

I really think it depends on the child. I've seen kids who did well in the classroom and the class was a good place for them to be. I've seen kids who did not do well, and they were not well served by being there, and it impacted the education and experience of the other children negativly.

I don't care what those other families think. I wasn't there to champion their children and advocate for their children's rights, my priority was my son. I don't see why I have to consider the impact of his inclusion on their school experience

Well, I guess the reverse is true for parents of NT kids realistically. Happy to have a diverse group unless it negatively impacts the wider class.

I do think that it often causes resentment more generally when other children in the class are not having their educational needs met, and aren't eligible for help like a regular tutor, while other kids have a whole person assigned to help them.

I work as a tutor, most recently in primary schools, and there are plenty of children who need some regular help, who are falling behind, who don't know what to do to help themselves. We don't have nearly enough time with them to solve the problems, it's a band-aid. And part of the problem for teachers is that there are so many individual education plans for students in their classes, that they are pressed to spend much time with any of the children. Sometimes it seems like they don't even have much idea where some of the children are struggling.

Children who are gifted academically don't even get a look in, their needs aren't being met.

@Xenia

It depends on what you mean by think about. I am sure everyone is glad he is getting an education and some of the children in his class with be his friend and others not as with all children.

I sent my children to selective private schools at 5 so although there are plenty of children with special needs at those schools they tend to be things like very high performing aspergers, some on ritalin I suppose but no one who has an IQ below 120 as a rough guess so they might have one arm or perhaps even be partially blind but no one who would change the fact the whole class works together at the same academic level.

I also only chose single sex schools as I wanted them only educated with people on the same sex too!

That does mean I think badly of boys when my girls are in the girls' school of course - it was just my choice and one reason have always worked full time even with 2 week old babies was to have move chance of exercising that choice of single sex schooling and academically selective schooling.

Lovely I’m sure you think you are doing the best but can I gently suggest you never tell your children that you have worked hard to put them through this school. The pressure they will feel already at being at a selective school will be compounded by the feeling that they must not let your, dare I say, ‘sacrifice’, go to waste.

I am always of the opinion that outgoings on education should be comfortably met really, otherwise it can lead to resentment if things don’t go as imagined. Now I’m not in any way saying you’ve made the wrong choice, just gently saying don’t let your children feel beholden to you, which I am sure you won’t.

To respond to OP, I would imagine that most parents would expect a representation of real life in the classroom, and in real life people with SEN are part of the community, and therefore it would be expected that children with SEN will form part of the school community.

I think it depends on the child. In primary there was lovely girl in my sons class who was disabled and had a 1 on 1 all the time. Her mum said her mind would always be that of a child, she would always wear nappies etc. She was adorable. In secondary theres a boy with ASD who swears, hits kids, tells teachers to fuck off and threatens to leap from the windows. Big difference. My own sons ASD btw but theres a huge difference between them and this child causes such a disturbance for everyone else in the class.

Obviously it depends on the circumstances.

A relative who is a teacher had a trying year a few years back because they had a child in their class who had additional needs but despite the teacher trying hard to fight for them, they simply were not getting enough support/money. This meant my relative was torn all year between devoting a greater proportion of their time to helping the child access the curriculum, and being "fair" to the other children in the class, who deserved their time just as much.

Sadly I think that's too often a problem - not enough money/support available for children with additional needs who need it to thrive in mainstream.

As yet my only experience as a parent is in the early years, where there was a child with a 1:1 in DS preschool. It was great, the children were really inclusive and his 1:1 meant the child thrived and enjoyed it.

There is a child with SEN in my daughter's KS1 class. She has a 1:1. She can have big outbursts and some meltdowns, according to my daughter, but the class seems to work around that and there seems to be acceptance and understanding from the other children which I think is great for all involved. Our school is very big on kindness and diversity.

There was one boy in my sons primary school class who had 1:1 support, I cannot say what his specific diagnosis was. As much as I tried to explain to DS why this boy needed help I know DS and his friends saw this lad get away with behaviour they would have got told off for and it bred resentment. I specifically remember his assistant gave just him a Christmas gift in front of the whole class. She was daft doing that.

Holly60 Choosing a single sex school for girls gives some of the best educational outcomes. Not my specific field of research but read a few journal articles on it when researching educational outcomes and income levels.

I will be sending my DS to a special school. His needs wouldn’t be met in mainstream, even if he had a 1-1 it’s not the right environment for him.
Also, he isn’t an object or a number for other parents to have an opinion on. He is my son.

This is a very odd post. You wouldn’t get “how do you feel about a child with blonde hair”