To ask what mainstream parents really think about the kids with special needs.

[Willbob]

I have a child with SEN. He has complex needs; statement at three transferred to ehcp. We had to fight for a mainstream setting. He has full time 1:1. My older childer is very bright and now goes to a selective grammar school for secondary education. I had the "normal" school parent experience with him.

Other parents at school are mainly pleasant, some more so than others like any parent really but completely different to my my experience with my older child. I do wonder though for those who don't understand or know the sen world what you really think about the kids in your child school like my son? I imagine some like it and see the value of having them there, where as some see them as a drain on funding or a distraction. Just curious really. Though this maybe a good place to ask as anonymous.

I work with adults with learning disabilities and have two young children at school. I don't think anything of children with SEN, I do however try to teach my children that sometimes people can behave different and there's reasons behind it and to always be kind and include everyone.

@Supersimkin2 I think you must be pretty deluded if you think children with SEN get the support they need in school as a matter of course. For the dc like my dc who have 1 to 1 TA's that has come on the back of independent assessments and appeals to SENDIST and leave for Judicial Review more than once. My dc are lucky in that they have a parent able to fight for what they need but many do not and most LA's and many schools are unscrupulous and do their utmost to avoid providing what these children are legally entitled to.
Personally, having a highly gifted dc myself, alongside the two with SEN I don't believe that funds should be going to the very able until all the children with SEN are getting an education fit for purpose to meet their needs. Ds was bored rigid in school tbf but he saw it as somewhere to meet his friends, play his beloved sports and occasionally find something interesting to do. I don't think the school should have been using precious resources to push him further ahead when he had it so easy anyway.

@whiteroseredrose by your reasoning, any child who is disruptive, even if they are 3, should be segregated into a "school for disruptive children".
But what we actually do is we educate all children together (well, until parents decide their little darling is too good for my DS) and teach them all not to be disruptive together.
Some just need longer to learn and more support.
I'm pretty sure you don't employ anyone who can't read at all either. But we also educate children who can't read in mainstream schools. Some take much longer than others to learn.

I know exactly what you mean, OP, about wondering if parents 'like' or 'don't like' having students with SEN in their kids' classes.

I absolutely see the value in it for my own children (not SEN). They go to an international school abroad so funding is not an issue. I think it's so important for children to grow up knowing that people are different and we should be kind to everyone, include others etc. My oldest is in Year 1 and she has 3 students in her class with significant needs. They are very integrated and it's wonderful to see. Of course teachers are careful to 'share' the children with SEN around the groups a bit so if, for example, a student struggles with understanding personal space and can be a bit 'much' for others, they aren't working with this student all the time. But generally it's great and the children with SEN do very well because of this.

I also work at the school and in Secondary we have amazing provision for SEN, unlike anything I've seen in the UK. As they move through the school some kids end up on a separate programme for their academics as GCSEs etc wouldn't be right for them, but they still attend tutor time, assemblies, PE, clubs etc with their year group and they just sort of bumble along with everyone. A lot do a mix of mainstream and specialist provision. Even those with fairly significant social needs find a way in a school like this. I really think it has a positive impact on the vast majority of our non-SEN students. I feel very lucky to work in a school like this and for my children to grow up with a natural awareness and, hopefully, some understanding and empathy of those with differing needs.

@Stay123

Fine if they aren’t violent or aggressive, not so when they are hitting children. Don’t think the children like an extra adult in the classroom, another adult pair of eyes on them, following them round, makes some feel uneasy. Was this way for both my children. However I totally understand if a non violent child with SEN is in the classroom and that is good. Does anyone know how much it is to employ a full time assistant for these children? Particularly as there are a few very clever kids in my youngest child’s class who are so bored being made to go over place value for the hundredth time. Maybe some time should be given to them for a change?

What about those who are only 'violent' when they aren't getting the support from a 1-1? My 6 year old has a 1-1, he is fine as long as he is getting the correct support. He was 'violent' in reception and part of year one due to being socially behind (think of it as having to send a toddler to school). He's not been violent for a while now, due to having the correct support in place and getting older but you would never have given him that opportunity. According to you he shouldn't be there and his 1-1 given to the clever kids! BTW, he's actually one of the clever ones now his autism is more understood but it wasn't always that way. It's actually more expensive to send a child to special school than give them a 1-1. It costs the school 6k per year out of their send budget and is topped up by the council by about another 6k.

Not RTTFT but from our experience DS2 class had several children in primary school who had significant SEN- think CP, Partially sighted, non verbal autism, complex multiple medical conditions. Some spent a few years in Mainstream and one child went from nursery all the way through to year 6 in the same class. The school on the whole managed SEN well with good Consistent support for the children who needed it and conversations with parents early on if the felt the children needed a different setting to better support their education. The MS children didn’t actually see differences in the SEN children until about year 2 or at least they didn’t remark on it. Both MS children and parents were hugely protective of the SEN children and I remember an instance when we heard a teacher had shouted at a SEN child In class and the MS parents were incensed about it. The MS children would often hold the hands of the SEN children when taking part in plays and assemblies or gently guide them during PE. Now when I ask DS2 about it he says he didn’t really notice the SEN children were different from the MS just occasionally needed a bit of help from them.

@bloodyc

I understand your post. I have sympathy for the child and parents. My mum was a teacher and she always said it wasnt good for SEN kids to be in main school. They are always being pushed out of their comfort zones and being forced to deal with things they wouldnt. I think I agree with her. My friend has a child with special needs and I think her being in main school is more the parents unwillingness to accept that their child is 'different' and not about what's best for the child. When I see the compromises the rest of the class have to make it makes me sad as the NT children miss out. For example one child hated birthdays so on birthdays there was a white board for people to write happy birthday but no one could talk openly about it or sing or have cake. That's not fair on the NT kids.

I suppose it all depends on the severity of the SEN. Teacher friends are frustrated with aggressive students and they are very disruptive in class. I also feel sometimes why does a SEN child get so much 121 when a NT child doesnt? It doesnt seem fair as every child, SEN or not, would benefit from that much attention.

I have a child with mild SEN so I may think differently if I was told to send him to special school for dyslexia and at the end of the day the health of your child is largely out of your control and a SEN child could happen to anyone, as could a lotto win before anyone says I'm making a SEN child sound like a boobie prize. I have a SEN child and I would remove his issues in the blink of an eye if I could.

It's not about getting more 'attention' for the sen child though is it? The 1:1 is there to support the child as per recommendations by professionals so that they can access the school. The sen child has far more barriers to learning than a non sen child.

"What about those who are only 'violent' when they aren't getting the support from a 1-1? My 6 year old has a 1-1, he is fine as long as he is getting the correct support. He was 'violent' in reception and part of year one due to being socially behind (think of it as having to send a toddler to school)."

Hennaoj...that's what the poster is saying, if they arent getting the right support and /or are violent, they shouldn't be there as it's a risk to everyone around them. I also agree it must be annoying for the kids having to go over stuff 6 times.

Seriously people need to have a word with themselves if they can't understand why a child with disabilities might need a 1:1 ,the 1: 1:1 isn't isn't taking anything away from other children ,that 1:1 wouldn't be there if the child didn't need it ,it's about making reasonable adjustments and making education accessible for all it's called equality , thankfully my child is at a special school so I don't have to put up with these attitudes .

if they arent getting the right support and /or are violent, they shouldn't be there
No, they should be there WITH THE RIGHT SUPPORT.

To be fair, I havent seen any posters saying they dont think sen children should have 1 to 1 support. Some posters, mainly parents of sen children have said they have heard people have said that, and that's not the same thing. Most posters on here have been understanding and supportive. I think a lot of this is lack of knowledge. I must admit my child told me a ta sits with a certain child in their class and my first thought was "why is that?". Once I understood it was 1 to 1 for a particular child, it was understandable. If people dont know, they naturally query it and make the wrong assumptions.

"08:57drspouse

if they arent getting the right support and /or are violent, they shouldn't be there
No, they should be there WITH THE RIGHT SUPPORT."

Of course they should, but if the support isnt there, neither should the child be....that's my point. You cant have a ticking time bomb in the middle of a class of vulnerable children.

I have seen one poster ,questioning why more, able pupils can't have 1:1 and another poster who seems to think a 1:1 is a waste of resources,and another questioning why a SEN child gets so much 1:1 when those children who don't have SEN ,is it really so hard to grasp why children with disabilities, might need extra support 🙄

So where should they be, roaming the streets? In a box?

"I have seen one poster ,questioning why more, able pupils can't have 1:1".

I agree though, all children have their own individual needs. Our school was marked down by Ofsted because the more able and talented were left floundering and it was recommended they had separate programmes of work for them. It's not just sen children who are needy. And dont forget, some sen children are more able and talented, but dont reach the limit for getting 1 to 1 support.

There are two in DC’s class. There were three but one transferred to another (mainstream) school. At the beginning I thought it was a good lesson in inclusivity.

When the third child transferred, I was very glad to see that child go. He caused huge disruption in the classroom, hit other children weekly and the teacher spent a lot of time focusing on him. Some parents considered removing their own children because of his behaviour. The school did their best but it was relentless bad behaviour.
There are two other SEN children. One has very complex needs and is very bright. The other is a distraction in the classroom but does not hurt or injure other children.

The point is a 1:1 is funded through an EHCP ,yes all children have individual needs ,but the reason why children with disabilities have 1:1 is because their needs are above and beyond and an EHCP is a legal document.

In my childs High school form, they decided to put the majority of sen children in one form, with a small handful of nt children. As a result the first form period is taken up by looking after their needs and the nt children dont really get a look in.

Pressed send too soon, meant to add that the majority of sen go to a separate learning resource centre after period 1.

they decided to put the majority of sen children in one form, with a small handful of nt children

Can parents object to this? It is grossly unfair. Why don’t the SEN children start an hour earlier and finish earlier?

A friend of mine whose DC had SEND and a statement reported overhearing aggrieved mutterings from other parents that her child was monopolising the teaching assistant and taking up all her time so their DC couldn't get any help.

As she wasn't "supposed to hear" these conversations, she was unable to point out to them that the teaching assistant was only there because of her child, they had 1-1 funded by their statement. If her DC hadn't have been in the class nor would the TA.

But she couldn't say that so went home and cried.

I have heard similar sentiments with my own ears from a woman I have detested ever since, re "the SEN kids taking up all the teachers' time."

I have heard similar sentiments with my own ears from a woman I have detested ever since, re "the SEN kids taking up all the teachers' time."

Do the SEN kids take up all the teacher’s time?
My kids are still in primary school and the teacher has to spend more time with certain kids than others, regardless of being SEN or not, due to behavioural issues.
I can see why this would become a big problem when exams are looming.

The entire education system is structured around the needs of NT non- SEN children the curriculumn, the teaching, the school day. SEN children really arent dominating teacher time. If they are lucky they have a set of support in place in addition to the teacher. If unlucky they get left floundering. If you've ever done a playground duty or the first spot after lunch its literally all NT football boy spats and girl friendship issues.

I once nursed a lady that worked as a volunteer in my children's school. This woman didnt know I was a parent there. My DD has a health condition that requires extra input and close monitoring. This lovely lady proceeded to talk about the children that required extra care, how spoilt they were and how they used it to their advantage. It was a difficult situation as I'm a professional however I did have rather a large syringe in my hand at the time. It did confirm to me what I had long suspected.
I did find many of the parents treated myself and my DD differently . She and I were kept on the periphery as if just too much trouble to bother as play dates and sleepovers were too tricky so DD was never top of the list to encourage a friendship with.