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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair treatment of my daughter by class teacher

581 replies

Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 00:29

Need some opinion please... my 9 yr old dd was very excited since summer holidays to return to school and to be able to run for the class eco monitor.. she did research on oceans, pollution over the lockdown all ready for election of the year. Anyways she won the ecomonitor role in class by democratic vote of her peers. She was super proud and excited.

Today she goes into school, and her teacher tells her that a senior member of staff has said that she has to share her role with the eco monitor of PST year as that child is very passionate about the environment.

My port dd is sad and embarrassed as she thinks her teachers think that she’s not good enough to be eco monitor even though her classmates voted for her.

I explained to her that’s it’s ok to share the role, but now I’m thinking that it’s completely unfair on the part of the teachers to put my child in this situation when no other children in the school is having to jobshare apart from my dd. Am i overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 02:18

I am passionate about democracy.. and I think i have taken the “disreagard of votes” more seriously than the role itself. I know my dd will get over it.. but I just don’t want her to loose faith in power if the vote..

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 02:20

@ user127819 I loved the House of Lords and commons analogy and will be using it if dd brings it up again

OP posts:
user127819 · 08/09/2020 02:21

I honestly don't think she will relate this to real world politics at all unless you connect the two when speaking to her.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 08/09/2020 02:27

I think you are right and its extremely unfair as no one else has been made to share a role and it is blatant favouritism.

However posters are missing the point that you are actually right, because you have dramatically made it sound akin to Hilary Clinton winning the popular vote but losing the electoral college

Casually mention in passing at a scheduled event you found it very unfair and otherwise leave it be.

I would have been annoyed too OP, either as the parent or child in the situation, so your reaction whilst dramatic is not as entirely misplaced as other posters imply.

pushkinsinsanity · 08/09/2020 02:29

@MomToTwoBabas

Omg of course you are overreacting. Massively. I don't like to say it as it's a lovely name but you are being..... a Karen.
Op is over reacting and being all previous about her daughter, nothing to do with a name.
GalaxyCookieCrumble · 08/09/2020 02:33

I agree @Mummy20192 , if the teacher wanted to keep it as it was, they should never of allowed any one else to be elected.

jessstan2 · 08/09/2020 02:35

Your daughter can divide the 'jobs' and get the other girl to go round snooping in lunch boxes and sorting litter. Problem solved.

Life is not fair. Get over it.

notanoctopus · 08/09/2020 02:41

"doesn’t matter if you work hard, it doesn’t matter if your classmates choose you... it’s all about who the teacher thinks is the best. There was no need for the voting Nonsense."

This.

Whilst the teacher may have good intentions (or a favourite), this sends a poor message to the whole class. She has essentially told a whole class that what they think doesn't matter. She has also stuck two fingers up to the rest of the kids who presented. Surely she could have involved the other child in a different way or suggested an eco-team with the child and others who presented in a week or so, or pretended to draw a name out of a hat or something or invented another role.

I'm not sure what you can say to the school without sounding like THAT parent or find out real reason teacher undermined class and themselves (trust from class). I would be encouraging to daughter, but also acknowledge it was an unusual thing for the teacher to do to a class so that her views are not minimised. Show her she can still encourage positive change, DESPITE teacher's behaviour. I'm in the minority on here but can see your point entirely. Think it's one you're going to have to let go re speaking to school though.

CareBear50 · 08/09/2020 02:52

So next time we get a pm by election and the queen thinks someone is passionate, should the pm have job share Because life isn’t fair?l

OP you have lost any moral high ground with this utterly ridiculous comment. But it did make me laugh! A lot lol

Turtletotem · 08/09/2020 02:53

I'd say well done to your daughter and hope your negativity doesn't taint this for her.

expat101 · 08/09/2020 02:54

I understand where you are coming from OP as my 9 year old self remembered (after reading your post) being chosen to play an important part in the school play, only to be told thereafter that another student would be taking my place (nothing to do with practise or the like). I was sent on errands by the teacher during practice sessions and was absolutely gutted. Esp. when I realised it was the daughter of the school librarian taking my place Confused.

Anyhow as another poster has said, schools work in mysterious ways at times and seem to run their own race (so to speak) not being accountable to anyone. In saying that, if you bring it up at the next parent/teacher night, it seems petty and the teacher would have lined up reasoning to justify the decision by then.

I don't know what to suggest, but yes, its pretty crap all the same. Short of making an appointment with the teacher and Head of Dept/year master, I don't know what else you can do about it.

Maybe She will get a weekly award to take her mind off it on Friday?

Leaannb · 08/09/2020 02:55

@BertNErnie

if I was on the receiving end of your email, I'd reply with a polite message explaining how the decision was made and asking if you preferred your daughter give up the role if she was unhappy. I wouldn't change my decision.
I would just revoke the role. No one has time for that kind of drama
Bringonspring · 08/09/2020 03:03

I do understand why you would be a bit disappointed OP but this is where you bitch about it on Mumsnet and then do nothing todev

Bringonspring · 08/09/2020 03:03

Nothing else

VodselForDinner · 08/09/2020 03:05

I am passionate about democracy

Maybe head down to the school and muscle-in on a 9 year old? Sort yourself out with a job share.

greenteafiend · 08/09/2020 03:19

OP---gently, but: in these school voting contests, kids mostly just vote for their friends and for the most popular/attractive kids. I think it's good that the teacher added an extra role for another child who perhaps would benefit from doing this.

timeisnotaline · 08/09/2020 03:25

It’s a bit crap op, but if you make it a devastating moment for your child anda failure of democracy they will remember it as a confidence destroying moment where they were a wronged victim. My parents would have said tough luck, bit poor of the teacher but it certainly won’t be the only time you have to deal with this, so suck it up and go make a difference, ecological awareness is so important so try and make sure two are better than one.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/09/2020 03:49

Am I the only one who doesn't know what PST year means? I've taken it to mean past year so last year's eco whatever it was? If that's the case then that child missed out on almost half the school year doing the "job" so I wouldn't care. If I've got that wrong then ignore me although I think you're being precious

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/09/2020 03:52

With the best will in the world, this is primary school. It an "eco monitor" role. It will all be forgotten in a few years.

The role probably will be forgotten, but the injustice that the OP's DC seems to have felt will most likely stick with her for a long, long time. To the child it isn't just a year 5 eco-monitor role, it's likely the biggest thing she's ever worked for. So she will feel the injustice of having the thing she worked for and won changed without consultation and with not even an attempt to ask her how she feels about it. That strong emotion is likely to make the memory much more long lasting than her everyday memories of that time.

SmileIke · 08/09/2020 03:57

What does PST year mean?

RoseGoldEagle · 08/09/2020 03:58

No problem with the teacher getting another child involved, as others have said there could be loads of reasons for that, but I don’t think the teacher handled it that well. She could have phrased it that this other child was going to support your DD in the role or was going to be part of your daughter’s eco team- and maybe there would be opportunities for others to do that in a few weeks too, so your DD is still clearly the one that won, and the class vote was still meaningful. That way the election was for the ‘leader’ with opportunities for other children who are passionate to help- which potentially could include some of those who put themselves forward and didn’t win (I’d imagine they were annoyed about it too?)

You can say class votes don’t matter or are just popularity contests- but why bother doing them if there’s no merit to them. A class of nine year olds is not going to mutiny over it, I’m sure most of them aren’t even that bothered who won- but it just gives a subliminal message of- this is all just something to fill the time- it doesn’t REALLY matter what you think or what you voted for. Which let’s face it is true from an adult’s perspective, but demoralising in the eyes of a nine year old.

pallisers · 08/09/2020 04:16

between this and the "I am a teacher who rigged the election and am I not a heroine? " thread I am so glad my children never attended these schools with these teachers. So many teachers who would rather cheat than change the system.

HoppingPavlova · 08/09/2020 04:37

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite?

That’s life though isn’t it? It’s about how you deal with it. Don’t think real life and the workplace doesn’t work like that. May as well be introduced in the classroom.

PhilCornwall1 · 08/09/2020 04:53

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite?

Well, for the last however many years hasn't it been promoted to children that "everyone is a winner"? Just another example of it.

How many times have we all seen at work a favourite get promoted, usually way above their ability)?

She's just learnt at 9 years old that life isn't fair. A valuable lesson.

RiotAndAlarum · 08/09/2020 05:14

I'm very surprised by all the "suck it up" responses. Female socialisation, much?