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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair treatment of my daughter by class teacher

581 replies

Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 00:29

Need some opinion please... my 9 yr old dd was very excited since summer holidays to return to school and to be able to run for the class eco monitor.. she did research on oceans, pollution over the lockdown all ready for election of the year. Anyways she won the ecomonitor role in class by democratic vote of her peers. She was super proud and excited.

Today she goes into school, and her teacher tells her that a senior member of staff has said that she has to share her role with the eco monitor of PST year as that child is very passionate about the environment.

My port dd is sad and embarrassed as she thinks her teachers think that she’s not good enough to be eco monitor even though her classmates voted for her.

I explained to her that’s it’s ok to share the role, but now I’m thinking that it’s completely unfair on the part of the teachers to put my child in this situation when no other children in the school is having to jobshare apart from my dd. Am i overreacting?

OP posts:
Derekhello · 08/09/2020 07:59

You cannot compare this to a general election 😂 however, I do believe the 9 year olds could do a better job than Boris & co...

kittlesticks · 08/09/2020 08:00

OP this actually reminds me quite a lot of something that happened when I was a similar age to your DD. I was 'in line' to be a leader at my brownie pack (I know... 😬) and the brown owl took me to one side and asked if I wouldn't mind stepping aside for a girl who was older and wouldn't get the chance otherwise.
I remember it to this day (!) which must mean that it stuck with me - sometimes it's your turn at something but you have to share it or give it up for another person to benefit.
I think you have an opportunity here to help your DD build resilience. It's a funny old world and although kids need to be kids, they also need to learn that things aren't fair in the wider world. I think your support should be directed to your daughter coming to terms with injustice rather than telling the teacher off. Teachers are just part of life, so are bosses, and I can tell you now that my boss is certainly guilty of favouring people for no particular reason. It makes me angry but I still need my job to pay the mortgage!

Cissyandflora · 08/09/2020 08:01

I’m totally with you OP and I’m genuinely surprised by the comments and general consensus here. I kept scrolling and am so surprised by people. I think it’s totally unfair and your daughter has a right to feel disappointment. Probably nothing much you can do but the teacher is in the wrong here.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/09/2020 08:03

Surely if it was just because the teacher felt sorry for the person elected last year who missed out they'd all be jobsharing with the person from last year.

kittlesticks · 08/09/2020 08:04

@justanotherneighinparadise lol exactly what I posted about really. I feel your pain. I have two colleagues at the same level as me who can pretty much do whatever they like, because they are favourites. The rest of us can't even breathe at the wrong time!

Porridgeoat · 08/09/2020 08:06

There will be some reason that the pupil is being tagged on to the role. It could be because your DD is very confident in what she wants to role out and your daughters confidence will support a child who is struggling either socially or academically or emotionally. You don’t know the bigger picture so best trust the teachers judgment around this. Explain this to your child.

Porridgeoat · 08/09/2020 08:07

Also would explain to ds that sometimes life is t fair and it’s good to make the best of things

CallarMorvern · 08/09/2020 08:07

Mummy20192

The problem with this type of vote in school is that it is just a popularity contest, the only thing it shows is how many friends a person has.

My DD really struggles socially. A few years ago the school ran an art competition, DD put so much work into it, it was supposed to be judged by an adult. On the day of judging the adult was ill, so the teacher on the spur of the moment let the class decide, one of the popular girls won, she hadn't put much effort into the project at all, DD didn't say anything to me, apart from she hadn't won and was a bit upset. Next day, I got a phonecall at lunchtime to say DD was getting to share the prize, teacher was very apologetic, said DD had put far and away the most effort in and she didn't feel the judging had been in any way fair.
Unfortunately for DD this really made things worse, as the popular group just claimed I had rung up and complained, (I hadn't) and used this as another stick to beat DD with.

Interestingly since being at high school, DD has been awarded quite a few roles, the teachers have a hand in deciding and things are a lot fairer.

unimaginativeusernamehere · 08/09/2020 08:08

Op "Aibu"
Everyone "yes"
Op "but, but, but"

There will probably be a reason the girl has been given a share in the role, a reason you and your daughter aren't privy to

lioncitygirl · 08/09/2020 08:13

AIBU?
Yes!
..... however.....

You’re right. You should absolutely bring this up with the teachers because she won’t have enough on her plate already. You re going to be that parent . Don’t be OP. See what lesson you can teach your daughter instead from this.

pinkprosseco · 08/09/2020 08:14

I can understand she's disappointed but as pp have said last year's monitor barely got a chance due to Covid and probably feels equally disappointed. This is an opportunity for your dd to work with the other monitor and between them do the role brilliantly. Try not to get too worked up by it yourself as perhaps you are more upset than your dd?

emilybrontescorsett · 08/09/2020 08:16

I would encourage you dd to do a great job. There may be some underpinning reason as to why the other pupil has been given the role too. The staff will not be at liberty to disclose those reasons. There could be issues with the other child's home Life for example which mean this child needs boosting up.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 08/09/2020 08:16

@Mummy20192

The child who was chosen wasn’t even bothered about this role, as she was chosen by the teacher to be Library monitor on Friday.. what does this show my child on her 3rd day into school? It doesn’t matter if you work hard, it doesn’t matter if your classmates choose you... it’s all about who the teacher thinks is the best. There was no need for the voting Nonsense..
It could teach her that the electorate don’t always make the best choice? (Trump) It might teach her that a truly strong and talented leader will be happy to accept the advice and help of experts in different areas in order to do the best possible job. (Obama).

It could teach her that life isn’t fair, we can’t alway get what we want and that if you are given lemons you can make lemonade. (Everyone on the planet).

HannahStern · 08/09/2020 08:18

I'm never quite sure if these threads are the effects of cabin fever or just too much wine. Either way, I hope the teachers at the school are well protected

TheSeedsOfADream · 08/09/2020 08:19

Maybe it wasn't that the teachers chose child number 2 to be the co-monitor because she's a favourite, but because when your daughter was voted for by the kids, the teachers didn't think she'd be up to the job and would need help.

Heischeatingisnthe · 08/09/2020 08:20

please contact the school and make it clear how raging you are about this.
Then let us know what happens after they all sit in the staff room grinning through gritted teeth while discussing you.

MissHoney85 · 08/09/2020 08:20

I suspect that what has happened here is that the other child's parent has also contacted the school to say something along the lines of "my DC never gets chosen for anything, it's all a popularity contest, that girl gets chosen for everything" etc. Teachers have their reasons for making decisions like this and I can promise you it is not because they have 'favourites'. It's best just to stay out of it and not get yourself a name as a difficult parent this early on in the year.

Pobblebonk · 08/09/2020 08:22

@unimaginativeusernamehere

Op "Aibu" Everyone "yes" Op "but, but, but"

There will probably be a reason the girl has been given a share in the role, a reason you and your daughter aren't privy to

Why do people regularly post this sort of thing when it's blatantly obvious that everyone responding does not think the OP is being unreasonable? You just make yourself sound unpleasant and not terribly bright.
MsTSwift · 08/09/2020 08:22

Second thread where teachers override kids democratic vote so their chosen favourites take the role 🙄. Great message there

takeabrolly · 08/09/2020 08:24

FFS parents like the OP are one of the reasons I took early retirement from teaching.

Aridane · 08/09/2020 08:26

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite? What are we teaching our children about democratic vote?

Oh, OP - at least your daughter keeps her role in some way. Unlike the bizarre thread where 93% of people thought it was fine to rig a school election and ignore the vote results and for the teacher to impose her preferred pupil

Aridane · 08/09/2020 08:26

@Pobblebonk

Yes!

LadyLairdArgyll · 08/09/2020 08:27

It's unfair OP.. and I would be questioning the point of an 'election' at all.. if they are popularity contests as suggested.. then banish them and apply the roles on merit.. but don't have an election then shit on the results by changing that result... THAT is what is wrong here .. and on that basis I'd be telling the school that they have behaved badly and in poor form.. Twats 🌺

Hoppinggreen · 08/09/2020 08:30

I actually agree OP, it’s not fair
However, things like this will happen throughout school and work and you need to put a brave face on it and try and be positive about it (at least in front of your DD)

Aridane · 08/09/2020 08:30

See this thread for something truly bonkers

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4014575-Was-I-unreasonable-to-rig-the-school-council-election