Unfair treatment of my daughter by class teacher

[Mummy20192]

Need some opinion please... my 9 yr old dd was very excited since summer holidays to return to school and to be able to run for the class eco monitor.. she did research on oceans, pollution over the lockdown all ready for election of the year. Anyways she won the ecomonitor role in class by democratic vote of her peers. She was super proud and excited.

Today she goes into school, and her teacher tells her that a senior member of staff has said that she has to share her role with the eco monitor of PST year as that child is very passionate about the environment.

My port dd is sad and embarrassed as she thinks her teachers think that she’s not good enough to be eco monitor even though her classmates voted for her.

I explained to her that’s it’s ok to share the role, but now I’m thinking that it’s completely unfair on the part of the teachers to put my child in this situation when no other children in the school is having to jobshare apart from my dd. Am i overreacting?

I get she's disappointed but come on. Teachers are trying to make the best of a shit show. OP if this is the only thing you have to get upset about at the moment you're doing well.
After reading this and the water bottle thread I really wonder why anyone would be a teacher.

OP if this is the only thing you have to get upset about at the moment you're doing well.

Where on earth did the OP say "I'm entrusting all my worst problems to Mumsnet and this is it"? Any poster that thinks that an AIBU thread is at all likely to be the sum total of someone's concerns in life needs a bit more empathy and experience of the world.

People just think they don't have to be kind because it is the internet. They forget there is actually a real person sat there typing. It's a shame.

No you're not BU but schools are hotbeds of favouritism and cliqueness just like most workplaces. It's never too early for a child to learn that hard work and diligence mean nothing when set against who the person in charge favours. Just let her know that you're very proud of her and hope it's not going to turn into one of those situations where your DD does all the work and the reward/praise is equally shared.

OP if this is the only thing you have to get upset about at the moment you're doing well.

What a dimwitted remark. You have no idea what other things the OP (or anyone else the other side of a computer screen) may or may not be upset about, ffs. God I hate it when people say that! As if everyone has their one allocated thing they're allowed to talk about, and must be mocked unless it's something deadly serious.

What does eco monitor role involve then ?

Things happen in school (and outside school) that our kids don’t like and seem unfair. That’s how they learn that life isn’t about being fair, it’s about picking yourself up and keep going even when it doesn’t make sense.
At times like that I’ve trusted the teacher because firstly I only have my children’s version of events and their child’s understanding of what was said and secondly I have no idea what other considerations the teacher had to make for my kids and others. I would make it all very positive, it’s a new way to fulfil the role, maybe they have more responsibility this year that needs two people, working as a team is great as you can discuss ideas and improve them. For me it’s important that kids understand that circumstances change and they have to accept that, be disappointed of course but find a way to manage that and accept it so they can move forwards and don’t hold resentment. It looks like you have tried to paint a positive picture for your daughter so I hope when they get going in their role they enjoy working together.

Possibly controversial, but why should she play nice? Just to say that this is also a lesson on how young we push on girls to just take it and not stand up for what she won. This is also a lesson in how girls are treated. Play nice. Collaborate. How about standing up for what is right and treating children with respect.

Just have a quiet word with the teacher. Perhaps z different perspective is needed.

Possibly controversial, but why should she play nice? Just to say that this is also a lesson on how young we push on girls to just take it and not stand up for what she won. This is also a lesson in how girls are treated.
^^This!

I imagine that 9 year old me would have been hugely disappointed if this had happened. It sounds like your daughter (and presumably the other candidates too) worked very hard on their presentation. Whatever the teacher’s reasons for doing this, I don’t think she’s handled it well.

@murakamilove no one has asked you to read it and respond! But thanks for letting me know!

@Jourdain11

The teacher just didn't handle it well, that's the bottom line. Giving a child a role to boost confidence or whatever - fine. Having a load of other kids "stand for election", prepare a presentation and so on, and then parachute in someone who didn't even run- not fine. It's not fair on the kid who won, it's not fair on the runners up who may have already felt disappointed. It's possibly not even fair on the child who has been singled out, as their peers will resent it.

Yes, it is a mountain made out of a mole hill. But it's the teacher's actions that made the mountain, not the child's. And if the SLT suggested it and she had already ran the election, she should have turned around to the SLT and said "I'm sorry, but that would really not be appropriate at this point, we have already run to elections". At that point, an imaginative SLT would think up some other little role for the girl to take on.

Yes, this.

Eco monitor is not Prime Minister but nonetheless, the school should at least make a pretence of fairness. Fairness matters hugely to children. If the school wants to appoint monitors based on the staff’s perception of who needs or deserves the role (as our school does) then don’t have the charade of elections.

Things happen in school (and outside school) that our kids don’t like and seem unfair. That’s how they learn that life isn’t about being fair, it’s about picking yourself up and keep going even when it doesn’t make sense

Till you come to the realisation that you have MUG written all over your face and you are the one who is always capitulating to people who just take and expect you to give.

@Mummy20192 - sorry, that was really harsh of me! Had a horrid day - heard news of death of young child we know, so seemed trivial.
I really should have not commented!

UPDATE!!!

Thank you to all the pp who have understood my point of view and has shown empathy and kindness towards my dd’s emotions. As a mother my only responsibility is the mental and emotional wellbeing of my child and what values she learns. It is important to me that my dd learns the value of hard work, importance of fairness instead of privilege and the power of the “vote”. I want my dd to grow up to be kind and a team player, but not be a passive door mat ( yes it is a lesson that I have also learnt After years of people pleasing).

I am not here to make friends with school mums or teachers and in every profession you have difficult stakeholders- in this case it’s me “that mum”. I would rather be that mum, than a mum who ignores my child’s emotions Lets her learn the wrong lessons in life about fairness and privilege.

Yesterday afternoon, I did email the teacher to express what my dd felt-that she wasn’t good enough for the role therefor someone else had to be appointed and my dd’s embarrassment infront of her peers. I also expressed that this decision should have been communicated to my dd first before class announcement.

The teacher came back last night to say that she would tell the other girl that my dd was the ecomonitor and she could help my dd if she requested her help. I spoke to my dd this morning about this and my dd suggested having her as a deputy eco monitor and they can take turns to attend meetings and events. The teacher was very apologetic and happy with the solution that dd suggested. Today the teacher spoke to my dd explained to her how proud she was of my dd and her speech and that she was the rightful eco monitor of the class.

I really don’t care if a mountain was made out of a molehill. Any child’s distress is a mountain regardless of what mumsnetters think is relevant or not. All I wanted from my email is for the teacher to realise that small actions can I seemingly cause a great deal of distress to a young girl and more importantly I want my dd to know that no matter what her mother listens and respects her 9 yr old feelings.

Well done op and bravo your daughter, she sounds like an understanding and very mature girl.

@murakamilove I am so very sorry for your sad news..
I honestly didn’t think I would get this amount of response when I posted this thread middle of the night.. i just wanted to vent my frustrations in the cyberspace..

Big hugs and condolences for your loss 💓

The teacher came back last night to say that she would tell the other girl that my dd was the ecomonitor and she could help my dd if she requested her help. I spoke to my dd this morning about this and my dd suggested having her as a deputy eco monitor and they can take turns to attend meetings and events.

Sounds like a great compromise and good for your DD.

@ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN

When I read threads like this I really pity teachers having to deal with such nonsense

Op really stop being ridiculous and feeling into your dd’s drama

How is it nonsense? Teacher holds an election then allows someone else to override the results of that election and doesn't think about how that might upset the child elected. It's blatantly poor practice, and any teacher who objected to a parent querying it all would be in the wrong profession.

I'm so glad that this teacher doesn't fall into that category and has sorted this out, even if she didn't do it of her own volition.

But surely you realise that the OP also realise this? What the OP is talking about is advocating treating children with exactly the same respect that we adults expect to be treated.

So many of these responses seem to find this very hard to understand, probably because they themselves were not taken seriously as children - clearly it has led to a lifetime of dismissive attitudes, both towards others' feelings, and most likely their own. It's in fact the respondents who are overreacting, OP - not you.

It's so very sad to see quite a substantial group of women (and possibly men) who think that what children need the most in life, is a good valuable ''life lesson'' - an attitude of ''life is not fair'' and ''just wait until you get out in the real world'' - that this very bitter and frankly, disrespectful, message is what the next generation needs to hear in school: the very place where they should learn to become full and rounded human beings, with an enthusiasm and zest for life? As someone else noted above: no wonder young people end up not voting at all.

Agree - well put!

If we can just make someone share a job they've been voted in to do, please can we get Nicola Sturgeon in on Boris Johnson's job ASAP?

Yes! Or jacinda whatshername

I was Eco Coordinator at my last school and I would have much preferred to have children on the council who had true passion than the ones who were just selected. Otherwise it makes the work really hard to do because they aren’t interested!

Yoy have a seriously easy life!

@Mummy20192

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite? What are we teaching our children about democratic vote? If collaboration was needed, no need for peer vote... how is that fair?

YABVU. It's not as straight forward as that. The other child has been chosen for a reason which goes deeper than "being a favourite" and frankly it's none of your business.

This is a valuable lesson for your daughter. She will learn to collaborate with her peers which is a much greater lesson than winning a vote and doing the role on her own. Working with someone else on a role and will be very good for her.

Please stop being so precious and don't let on to her that you're cross - it will do her no good.

Well done to her.

@Mummy20192

I wouldn’t have a problem if the teacher chose two children to share the role.. that would have been great.. two heads better than one.. but the problem is, when the teacher says we are going to vote to choose our next eco monitor.. then 3-5 children prepare and present a speech, class votes and declares the children who have all been selected for their roles through peer votes and then after one day teacher says oh wait... another member of staff thinks that another child in the class would do a better job.. so let’s job share... shouldn’t the job share be decided before 29 children voted on who they want as their class ecomonitor? So next time we get a pm by election and the queen thinks someone is passionate, should the pm have job share Because life isn’t fair?

Please stop comparing your daughter's classroom to Downing Street. Your daughter cannot know how precious you are being about it, you don't want your attitude rubbing off on her in the classroom.

Yes, if the teachers want another child to share the job that's fine. They don't need to give reasons. This child may need a morale boost, might have had a terrible time in lockdown, might need extra responsibility. Here's a thought: Maybe they don't think your DD is up for the job, and therefore they need someone to help her.

Please stop worrying. I fear for you if this is how wound up you get about things. Just be proud of her for getting the job "properly" and let her enjoy the job.