Unfair treatment of my daughter by class teacher

[Mummy20192]

Need some opinion please... my 9 yr old dd was very excited since summer holidays to return to school and to be able to run for the class eco monitor.. she did research on oceans, pollution over the lockdown all ready for election of the year. Anyways she won the ecomonitor role in class by democratic vote of her peers. She was super proud and excited.

Today she goes into school, and her teacher tells her that a senior member of staff has said that she has to share her role with the eco monitor of PST year as that child is very passionate about the environment.

My port dd is sad and embarrassed as she thinks her teachers think that she’s not good enough to be eco monitor even though her classmates voted for her.

I explained to her that’s it’s ok to share the role, but now I’m thinking that it’s completely unfair on the part of the teachers to put my child in this situation when no other children in the school is having to jobshare apart from my dd. Am i overreacting?

This is good practice for her for when she's a capable experienced member of staff and she has to work with a total lazy idiot even when she can do it herself and the idiot drags her down.

(I am in no way projecting my rage at my own work situation on this post ....ahem)

@graysquirrel

Totally YABU. You also dont know what is going on in the other child's life. My one DD is very passionate about issues but cripplingly shy so has occasionally been moved into a position to try to boost her confidence. Schools have plenty of roles where the popular chatty children thrive while the shy introverts never get a look in.

But if that were the case, they shouldn't have had an election.

Well as everyone else says OP you are definitely over reacting. I get it though it's easy to do when your DC has worked hard on something.

I understand her being upset but now its all about how you play it. You can either make your child into an entitled little princess or teach her resilience and the value of being a team player...

Those who are saying that the teacher has handled the situation badly, what do you think the teacher should have done...

Shouldn't have held the election and have the kids make presentations. If for any reason that other girl desperately needed that role - she should have continued.
It's so trivial after all.

Omg did I just read right?
You actually compared it to the PM and Queens decisions ?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Get a grip seriously

Oh, come on! Why do people get kicks out of talking the piss out of people?
OP is concerned that her daughter is disappointed. Her daughter is disappointed because, at worst, her teacher was unfair, at best, her teacher failed to explain the situation properly.
I bet some of the people here taking bites out of OP and her daughter would make just as much of a fuss if they, as adults, were passed over for something unfairly at work or on the Parents' Committee or whatever

I began reading this thread, but gave up and just read all your posts. It’s a tough lesson, but life just ain’t fair. I’m sorry, but it seems that you need to learn this too.

I agree with you op, it’s unfair to your child. However, I think there’s nothing that you can do.
There are two possibilities, maybe the teacher is that unfair and an unpleasant character, in which case complaining won’t make her any nicer, or there is something else going on ie the other child is in need of a friend, a boost for some reason, a chance to shine. In that case they won’t share info or change their decision anyway.
So either way, there’s nothing you can do, except console your dd and encourage her to bounce back.

Hmm yes because this is so important right now! The poor teacher

Yabvvvu

Poor teacher? These situations come with the job.
YANBU OP, you and your DD are totally allowed to be cross.

Also, maybe OP's DD would like to resign from the role altogether?

Have teachers not got enough to deal with without you feeling entitled?

Grow up!

Has anyone actually thought maybe it wasn’t the teachers choice and she might have actually been told by SLT to do this? The teacher might not be happy about it either, but OP, if you go and talk to her about it, she won’t be able to tell you that.

Otherwise, if there is a real personal reason the other child was included too, you still won’t be told because of GDPR.

I can understand why you’re upset but you need to be thinking about how you’re coming across with all this.

I don't think people read the threads at all!!

Comparing this to a general election, really?

@Mummy20192 I can see your frustration but yes, you are both overreacting.

A bit of perspective is necessary 👌

So last year everyone voted for Persephone but then she got furloughed in March so when the role was advertised again in September and Jacinda won, a senior member of staff though it fair to job share with the poor girl who got furloughed previously?
Sounds reasonable to me

@CarrieFour

You do realise the eco monitors are the ones who have to pick up rubbish in the playground.

I wouldn't stress it. Hardly going to end up on her CV.

But surely you realise that the OP also realise this? What the OP is talking about is advocating treating children with exactly the same respect that we adults expect to be treated.

So many of these responses seem to find this very hard to understand, probably because they themselves were not taken seriously as children - clearly it has led to a lifetime of dismissive attitudes, both towards others' feelings, and most likely their own. It's in fact the respondents who are overreacting, OP - not you.

It's so very sad to see quite a substantial group of women (and possibly men) who think that what children need the most in life, is a good valuable ''life lesson'' - an attitude of ''life is not fair'' and ''just wait until you get out in the real world'' - that this very bitter and frankly, disrespectful, message is what the next generation needs to hear in school: the very place where they should learn to become full and rounded human beings, with an enthusiasm and zest for life? As someone else noted above: no wonder young people end up not voting at all.

No wonder the world is what it is, and no wonder so many adults (and women especially) suffer with mental health problems - mental health problems very often originate in not having had one's feelings validated as a child.

How come you have all forgotten what it's like to be 9-years old, and what it was like to become disappointed and dejected at this age? All this dismissiveness actually points to the very fact that you have not forgotten - just that you haven't dealt with it very well.

You are not wrong for a second, OP, and kudos to you for respecting and standing up for your daughter.

But you may not know the real reason the other child was chosen. Maybe she needs something in school as her home life not great. Maybe she has anxiety and this is a way to help her. I very much doubt she’s been chosen as ‘she’s the favourite’. I agree, perhaps it’s unfair that your daughter went to all that work but she still got the role. As a primary school teacher myself, I would not change my mind if you were to come in to complain. Explain to your daughter that sometimes in life decisions are made that we don’t necessarily understand or agree with but we have to get on with it. Give her a big hug and tell her she’s amazing and won’t it be exciting to have a partner who’s passionate too!

If this child did it last year, they only got half the year doing it. I guess they were sad they didn't get to the job for the whole year. It's now a lose-lose situation.

Wait until you get to nativity and allocated the role of choir member when you’re convinced she should have been Mary.....every single year

I still recall sunday school 50+ years ago, Mary was always the sunday school teachers' granddaughter, every single year -EVEN when they used my doll to be Jesus.
Now that was unfair.

Life is shit. your daughter has just found this out. Tell her maybe the other girl is less confident/clever than her and the teachers obviously think she would learn from your daughter helping her in this. Dont contact the school cos they will make your life a misery over it.

This really annoys me. Adults tell children they have to play by the rules, but then don't themselves. So hypocritical. It's just wrong. What they should have done is say to your daughter x has expressed a real interest in getting involved in any activities you've got planned, or even better suggested to x that they ask if they can help.

If we can just make someone share a job they've been voted in to do, please can we get Nicola Sturgeon in on Boris Johnson's job ASAP?

Haven't rtft yet so apologies if this has been mentioned before, but does anyone else think @Mummy20192 was passed over for a similar role at that age and has never quite got over it?

The teacher just didn't handle it well, that's the bottom line. Giving a child a role to boost confidence or whatever - fine. Having a load of other kids "stand for election", prepare a presentation and so on, and then parachute in someone who didn't even run- not fine. It's not fair on the kid who won, it's not fair on the runners up who may have already felt disappointed. It's possibly not even fair on the child who has been singled out, as their peers will resent it.

Yes, it is a mountain made out of a mole hill. But it's the teacher's actions that made the mountain, not the child's. And if the SLT suggested it and she had already ran the election, she should have turned around to the SLT and said "I'm sorry, but that would really not be appropriate at this point, we have already run to elections". At that point, an imaginative SLT would think up some other little role for the girl to take on.