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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair treatment of my daughter by class teacher

581 replies

Mummy20192 · 08/09/2020 00:29

Need some opinion please... my 9 yr old dd was very excited since summer holidays to return to school and to be able to run for the class eco monitor.. she did research on oceans, pollution over the lockdown all ready for election of the year. Anyways she won the ecomonitor role in class by democratic vote of her peers. She was super proud and excited.

Today she goes into school, and her teacher tells her that a senior member of staff has said that she has to share her role with the eco monitor of PST year as that child is very passionate about the environment.

My port dd is sad and embarrassed as she thinks her teachers think that she’s not good enough to be eco monitor even though her classmates voted for her.

I explained to her that’s it’s ok to share the role, but now I’m thinking that it’s completely unfair on the part of the teachers to put my child in this situation when no other children in the school is having to jobshare apart from my dd. Am i overreacting?

OP posts:
FridayNightAtTheBronze · 08/09/2020 21:30

AnotherCleftMum

You're so kind thank you Flowers

My lovely girl is just starting school (which presents its own challenges), and on her 5th surgery.

And thank you regarding my mum, it was sudden and unexpected.

I hope your cleft cutie is doing well ♥

TheWordWomanIsTaken · 08/09/2020 21:38

@Catchingbabies

Has it not occurred to you that the child that had the role last year barely got to do it due to lockdown? Sharing the role seems a very fair system.

How would you feel if your daughter had the role last year and was replaced when she didn’t get a chance to do the role?

This is an excellent way to teach your child that there are bigger things happening and that we all need to be a little flexible and accept changes for the greater good.

I've seen the 'barely got to do it' comment a few times now. But they got to do it for almost two thirds of the year - Sept-Mar. So why should they get to do it for another whole year?
Cheeeeislifenow · 08/09/2020 21:46

I have definitely witnessed favouritism in the school i work in too. Teacher's bare not always perfect and do not always do the right thing, as they are human, there are good ones and bad ones and good ones that accidentally do the wrong thing, but it's how the mistake is fixed is the important thing.
And to those who day teachers are there only to educate, you are wrong, there is a duty of care and a regard for a child's well being in all aspects of their life. Any teacher who cannot listen to feedback as to why a student is unhappy about something that happened in school should not be a teacher. Surely adults here can remember being nine years old and this stuff if the most important thing in the world to you?

DrCoconut · 08/09/2020 22:08

Thank heavens my sons school doesn't engage in these popularity contests (because that's what kids voting for other kids is). My own school experience makes me shudder at the thought and I'd actively avoid somewhere that does this given chance. On the rare occasions something is a competition the entries are judged by staff. The "best" one doesn't always win since the school has a strong ethos of building self esteem and widening horizons. So the criteria can allow someone who really struggled and did their very best to be chosen and given a chance over someone who is naturally able and confident and produced flawless work and will likely attract lots of opportunities later. But at least the decision is made according to the predetermined rules and the kids are told and that's that. Maybe this decision has been made for this reason?

pinktophat · 08/09/2020 22:11

As a teacher, I see all the time how some parents see things only from their individual child's perspective.

We have a poster up in our classroom - what is fair? Not everyone being treated the same. Everyone being given the support they need to succeed.

Children don't come into class equal. We support each one to the extent they need it. Maybe this other child NEEDS something a little extra. Maybe it will make a massive difference where it is really needed.

You don't know. But you can try to empathise.

I also agree, raising this issue in current times with the school would lose you all credibility forever.

Bleepbloopblarp · 08/09/2020 22:12

I reckon what’s happened is the other child’s parent has contacted the senior member of staff to say their dd is upset that they didn’t get to fulfil their role as eco monitor last school year due to covid etc.

Voting has gone ahead, OP’s dd has won, then senior staff member has come forward and said “oh actually, let’s allow other girl to do-share the job” as it only seems fair. Or maybe just to shut the other parent up.

It seems obvious to me.

Not a big deal and I’m shocked at how involved people are getting - the teachers have probably not given it hardly a thought, understandably.

No matter how you try to frame it, it’s very trivial. I also wonder if, due to the OP’s description, there is some competition between the two girls and that is what this is really about.

PigletJohn · 08/09/2020 22:14

Your daughter will learn some valuable life lessons

  1. life isn't fair

  2. People with power can change the rules

  3. You can't trust teachers.

northprincess · 08/09/2020 22:14

Good Lord. Please stop and take a step back and look at this. I imagine this is your only or oldest child. You're both in for a lifetime of disappointments I'm afraid!

honeygirlz · 08/09/2020 22:15

@PigletJohn

Your daughter will learn some valuable life lessons

  1. life isn't fair

  2. People with power can change the rules

  3. You can't trust teachers.

Amen
GenevaL · 08/09/2020 22:33

I think you are seriously overthinking the situation Two young children are being asked to share being a school monitor - it’s so minor to an outsider. You’re using terms like ‘job share’ and ‘election of the year’ as if your daughter had entered into some sort of legally binding contract that’s been breached. It’s just a bit of fun to teach children some skills.

If she’s truly upset to have to share it because she thinks it’s a criticism of her ability to be a monitor, tell her that all her work over summer proved that it’s such a big important job that the school felt it was a two-person role.

But honestly, I wouldn’t let her sense that you think this could be a big deal too. It’s just overblowing it.

GenevaL · 08/09/2020 22:34

Excuse all the typos - I’m on a phone and am clearly crap on it

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/09/2020 22:44

It might be trivial but to a 9 year old it could be the world

northprincess · 08/09/2020 22:57

@Oliversmumsarmy

It might be trivial but to a 9 year old it could be the world
Yes but OP job is to deal with how the 9 year old interprets this not to inflame the situation.
Oliversmumsarmy · 08/09/2020 23:15

How do you explain to anyone that to some people rules don’t apply.

If this pupil wanted to be the eco monitor then she could have put her name forward and people could have voted for her

What makes her so special that she can disregard the rules and just ask for the post.

Shouldn’t we be saying that this other girl should understand that you can’t always get what you want.

I would struggle to tell a child or anyone why the another person should be allowed to trample over the election just because they want to.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/09/2020 23:27

@Oliversmumsarmy

How do you explain to anyone that to some people rules don’t apply.

If this pupil wanted to be the eco monitor then she could have put her name forward and people could have voted for her

What makes her so special that she can disregard the rules and just ask for the post.

Shouldn’t we be saying that this other girl should understand that you can’t always get what you want.

I would struggle to tell a child or anyone why the another person should be allowed to trample over the election just because they want to.

Again, we don’t know anything about this girl so we should trust the teacher’s professional judgement that it was necessary to make this exception. There may be a whole host of reasons why she didn’t feel she could apply for the position or why the teacher thinks the role would benefit from her input. She’s nine years old and a complete and total stranger. Why all the venom?
Cheeeeislifenow · 08/09/2020 23:36

@pinktophat

All valid points, but the teacher only remembered them after the vote.

The point is that this should have been made clear to op's dd before the vote.
Not either child's fault but the teacher has been tactless in not explaining the situation clearly to ops dd before hand and announcing it in front of the whole class without having a private word first.

Not the end of the world but anyone should be able to see why that is upsetting to the child. It wasn't explained clearly.

Also to note op has not gone all blazing to the school, instead she has already said she will have a quiet chat.
Why people are bringing up covid, famine etc is crazy.
Should we all just suck up any problems we are having just because "covid".
Teacher's aren't infallible a quick, "I'm sorry I can see where the confusion was and we can all love forward together" is all that is required

Mittens030869 · 08/09/2020 23:44

It does seem to be the case that a lot of posters think parents should never question a teacher's decision, even politely! The OP only ever spoke about respectfully bringing up how this particular decision made her DD feel. And she's presented it to her DD in a positive way.

The issue is with how the teacher handled it, not with the decision in itself.

I think some posters are fed up with being told they're obviously 'that parent', just because they ask for opinions about something the class teacher did.

I definitely won't be posting any threads about my DDs' teachers!

Pobblebonk · 08/09/2020 23:44

@flyingant

It's quite possible that the teacher held elections, as they usually do at the beginning of the year, then someone else has reminded them that the previous monitors didn't get to fulfil their role because of the school closure and that they should therefore continue in the role. The teacher has then probably done what seems to be the fairest solution all round, which is to let the 2 girls share the role. It won't have been done to be deliberately unfair to your child, or to favour the other child or whatever other reason you're imagining.
If that was what happened, why on earth would they have only operated that principle in relation to one role? Why not for all the others as well?
Pobblebonk · 08/09/2020 23:57

WHY do so many posters keep lecturing OP about how this is perfectly fair because the other girl didn't have much of a chance to do the job last term, whilst simultaneously ignoring the fact that they only applied that principle to OP's DD's job and no other? Surely the kids who had all the other roles in class last year also missed out in just the same way as the eco-monitor - how come they don't get to job share also this year?

jessstan2 · 09/09/2020 00:20

I don't think it is fair. It brought to mind something that happened to me at school when I was about 9 - very similar. I've no idea whether or not I told my mum but if I did, she probably just accepted it. I had to accept it and life went on.

Life sucks and is unfair, an early lesson for the op.

Not worth a second thread or did the op think we hadn't noticed the first one? I remember lots of replies.

flyingant · 09/09/2020 00:37

Those who are saying that the teacher has handled the situation badly, what do you think the teacher should have done...if they had the class election and were then told that the previous monitor had to stay in-role...what else could the teacher have done to be fair? I'm not talking about going in back in time and not having the election in the first place, or saying from the start that it was a shared role (it seems the teacher didn't know this)...but now they've had the election but have then been told afterwards that the previous monitor needs to stay in the role. What else could the teacher have done, other than let both girls share the role?

MrsDeltaB · 09/09/2020 00:58

Hey. This was me three years ago. My eldest, shy, hated speaking out, standing up in class. She stunned us by running for school PM (last year of first school here). She prepped and prepped and until the last minute was still terrified of presenting.

She did it though, within deadline, on date expected.

X child had been away on some extra curricular activity and missed deadline. Was given consent to present three days later.

Guess who won?

differentnameforthis · 09/09/2020 01:28

@Mummy20192

What about winning a role fair and square and then someone else who didn’t even try for the role being handed the role on a platter because the teacher has a favourite? What are we teaching our children about democratic vote? If collaboration was needed, no need for peer vote... how is that fair?
I agree... but teachers can do no wrong on MN.

It's unfair to make her share, especially when that wasn't even suggested at the time. Asking her if X can help her with it... fine. It gives her a choice.

Those saying she should share and that you are precious, what about the girl who's parent has obviously already spoken to the teacher about her child NOT being the monitor? And the message that gives the other girl about getting what you want?

I'd do what you did, op and explain that it is good to share. It's not going to change even if you do say something.

RedHelenB · 09/09/2020 07:00

@Pobblebonk because maybe they didn't want to do the jobs again?

Both children obviously wanted the role, they've both got it and it really isnt something to get so het up about, it really isnt.

Cheeeeislifenow · 09/09/2020 07:05

@flyingant very simply, explain to ops dd before the vote. This will be a shared position as x did not complete her time due to lockdown. That's it!