Sister's wedding- what would you do?

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

Advice needed please!!!
My sister's wedding was postponed due to the coronavirus and has been rearranged, she can only have 30 guests and said I could come with DD (3yrs) but not DS (6 months) or OH. All my aunts and uncles are coming as couples (ie nobody's been asked to leave their other half at home) and these are people she barely sees, so although I didn't say anything I was quite offended she was happy to invite them all but ask me to leave one of my children behind and obviously OH too. Her husband to be is having all of his nieces and nephews there.
So as not to drip feed I fell out with my parents a year ago and have very little contact. The row was over the way they continually refused to take any instructions on the rare occasions they looked after DD for me. A few times they were quite dangerously careless and when I pulled them up on it they basically ganged up on me and refused to accept any criticism. Historically I would usually cave to pressure but this was so black and white that I was furious they would even try to turn it on me for daring to stand up to them. This row never really got resolved and as mentioned we don't really have much to do with each other now (they haven't met DS) as they wont accept any wrongdoing and what am I meant to do, just let them keep doing it?
My sister and I have never actually fallen out but she still stopped speaking to me and sacked me and DD from being bridesmaids. I was very pregnant at the time and thought it was quite shitty of her to be honest. She has also never met DS nor shown any interest in doing so.
Anyway I said politely it didnt sit right with me and to make sure both my kids are treated the same I will leave them both with OH while I attend the ceremony (not having a reception).
She replied a bit stroppily it was up to me. Anyway now shes said the vicar has said she can have 31 guests so I can bring both kids but not OH.
To be honest I think she's shown how little she cares about me and my children the whole way through this so i think why should I fork out for dress/shoes for DD and an outfit for DS too just to keep up appearances, I'm tempted to say dont worry I'll come alone as planned. what would you do?!

I wouldn't bother going.

I wouldn't go.

Don't think I'd bother going at all.

I wouldn't bother going. You won't enjoy the day, why put yourself through it?

Also it's not up to the vicar to decide that 31 guests can attend, it's the current law. I also thought it wasn't 30 guests that were allowed, it was 30 people including venue staff. So even less guests!

Either way, I wouldn't go to someone who treats me so awfully.

Someone's wedding, that should say! :)

I'd leave both kids with a sitter and bring husband. Your baby is too small and your three year old will be bored and not remember it, but as it's a wedding about committing to a life long partner, shouldn't you have yours with you?

I'd not go.
If I did go I certainly wouldn't be taking either child.
Seriously though, I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't go. I know on here people always seem to think going to a siblings wedding is somehow sacrosanct but I didn't go to either of my siblings weddings and the world didn't stop turning. One had a secret ceremony with two witnesses off the street, the other there were family issues and it was me or someone else, they insisted the other person was included so I didn't go. Annoyed their partner but as they are now divorced it doesn't really matter.

I wouldn't go, either, which is probably what she's hoping for by making it so awkward for you.

I would just stop at home. Spend the money you would have spent on outfits etc on a trip out for your family instead

I would probably go without the kids.

I feel for people trying to organise weddings with such limited numbers. Whatever they do, someone will be left out. Not easy.

If she says it's now a plus one I'd take OH. If you don't go at all then that draws a line under your relationship with your family - think carefully before you decide if that's what you want.

I wouldn't go...if that's not an option is go alone and leave both kids with oh

I wouldn't go

Don’t bother going

I wouldn't go either, or I'd go alone - purely for the ceremony - then I'd go home.
Sounds like someone is "bending" the rules or making it up as they go along either her or the Vicar.

I wouldn’t be going.

I wouldn't go. I'd send a nice card and present and leave it at that.

Or go alone, if I must.

I should add I see no issue with having the three year old but not the 6 month old, I don't see that as an odd request at all. But it all seems like an arse designed to wind you up, so would leave them to it.

I think it's fair enough not to go. But that might be the end of your relationship with her, so you need to decide if you're happy with that.

I'm amazed, a unanimous response and every other time I've read a thread about a siblings wedding it has always been you must go/I couldn't possibly miss it. So glad I'm not alone.

I would get a babysitter and go with DH.

I wouldn't throw an immature temper tantrum and "not go". I would meet her for coffee and have a mature adult conversation about why she is not inviting your DH. I'm sure you can come up with a solution that makes everyone happy.

Sounds like she really wants your dd there. Perhaps for photos?

Either go with just dh or not at all.

I'm guessing you don't have a babysitter for ds so just don't go.

I wouldn’t go at all