Find a man without children is the holy grail.

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One of my closest friends said to me this morning that finding a man without children in your 40s is like finding the holy grail of relationship goals.

I was telling her about little things that niggle me about DP (who is wonderful to be fair) and she said that I’m lucky I’ve found a man with no DC and that i need to make it work because I’ve found the holy grain

Is she right?

YANBU - finding a man with no DC is the holy grail.

YABU - who cares if he has children or not.

Are single men in their late 40s with no children actually looking for any kind of relationship?

Could I pimp out my BIL - turns 50 in January - turning into quite a silver fox - no kids, one failed marriage c.20 years ago. Very good with children though, quite happy to babysit our autistic son. He just doesn't seem interested in dating, by all accounts someone at his workplace is keen on him but he's oblivious to her flirting and just sees them as colleagues. I really think he gave up on relationships many years ago ...

Your friend might be on to something.
I have two dc. I am now in a relationship with a childless man. He is the best partner I've ever had and a brilliant step parent.

In the past I assumed dating men with children would be easier due to shared experiences but it wasn't. Men I met were rubbish at the competing needs or just rubbish fathers. Except one who essentially chose his dc over me and I have only respect for him.

It's very liberating to find an emotionally available man who doesn't have an ex I can't shake off.

I found the OP's friend's Holy Grail. DP, married twice but no kids, good in bed, decent cook, does his share of housework / DIY etc, secure job, kind, supportive, remembers what i like when it comes to presents, etc. No contact at all with first ex, virtually none with second. We've been together two years, I think he's wonderful.

What an odd sentiment. Where does she try and pick up blokes, soft play?

All my team at work are men. One has children. The other 15 do not.

I think there's two fathers on the next team, and the rest without.

She needs to get out more.

Don't blame her, if she has not got children then why in earth would she want to take on someone with baggage? I certainly wouldn't, way to many dramas/problems/hassle dealing with someone else's kids. Even if you don't have anything to do with them, it will still affect your relationship as your partner will have to deal with them and that means less time together, can't do things like go on holidays or when he has got the kids do not see him.

Try being a bloke wanting to avoid women with children.
You get the added bonus of being told you are selfish, frightened of commitment and need to grow up.😆

@Neversayn1

So why do you not want to date a man with children just out of interest?

Now because I'm lazy I suppose. I have enough to think about with my own extensive family and it would be too much effort to try and blend or deal with whatever issues come from that.

When I was younger I was happy being involved with other people's children but didn't want them permanently in my life so I didn't date men with children. All about me and no reflection on them.

I’m not sure it’s a great idea. A man who hasn’t had children by his 40s is likely to be a player of some kind or have those Death Grip problems we read about all the time on here. It’s definitely not normal

@bubblybarbara I wish there was a way to block people on here as its the second time today I've read total bollocks from you.

BubblyBarbara, you've caught my attention. I'm certainly no player but I haven't a clue what a Death Grip is either. Can you please enlighten me?

"I’m not sure it’s a great idea. A man who hasn’t had children by his 40s is likely to be a player of some kind or have those Death Grip problems we read about all the time on here. It’s definitely not normal"

Yet another load of old shit from our Babs.

@BubblyBarbara

I’m not sure it’s a great idea. A man who hasn’t had children by his 40s is likely to be a player of some kind or have those Death Grip problems we read about all the time on here. It’s definitely not normal

Or not want children. Or not believe in adding to over population. Or not feel the need to have a child with every woman he’s with for more than five minutes. Or be infertile. There’s a multitude of reasons. There’s no such thing as normal.

I know a few women my age (40s) date men without children but you can’t generalise. One has hooked up with a former mummy’s boy, his mother died a few years ago but up until then he was a bit wet and spent his spare time with mummy. Another is dating a womaniser type. Tbh none of these men are desirable in my book but they seem happy enough.

@BubblyBarbara

I’m not sure it’s a great idea. A man who hasn’t had children by his 40s is likely to be a player of some kind or have those Death Grip problems we read about all the time on here. It’s definitely not normal

Not normal? Fucking hell Babs, are all those bubbles in your brain? People who do not want children are perfectly normal, it's not an unusual thing for men and women to decide to be child free. Actually I highly recommend it.

"I’m not sure it’s a great idea. A man who hasn’t had children by his 40s is likely to be a player of some kind or have those Death Grip problems we read about all the time on here. It’s definitely not normal

Comedy gold here 🤦‍♀️✊

@WildRosie

BubblyBarbara, you've caught my attention. I'm certainly no player but I haven't a clue what a Death Grip is either. Can you please enlighten me?

Me too!

@BubblyBarbara is spreading her nonsense far and wide today on various threads

Looking back I struggled with my children when they were young, I just found it draining drudgery.
So I couldn’t deal with a man with young children. Especially as I’d assume any man I was interested in would be an involved and decent father meaning I would also have to see them.
I would prefer a man with no kids or older ones who aren’t likely to run around demented like mine used to.

I haven't a clue what a Death Grip is either.

It’s when a chap is too used to playing with himself that he can’t perform properly in the bedroom with a real woman.

My brother is mid-fifties, engaged once and no children. His attitude to my son who is a teenager now is awful. He has no idea what life with children is like and is very unrealistic with them. He hasnt had any serious relationship since his fiancee left him twenty years ago. He really isnt relationship or father material. He was and is a bully (I got told off on Christmas Day last year for not checking mum's emails that our other brother hadnt told me she had access to - this is the most recent in a lifetime of being told off or smacked by him).

So no the goal isnt someone with or without children. Its finding a nice person.

Depends on the man, depends on the kids, depends on you.

It depends for your friend it is because she doesn’t want children. If I was a single mum looking for a new partner I would rather they had kids because then I wouldn’t feel like I was depriving them of children as I don’t want anymore and it would also imply that they like children as they already had them.

BubblyBarbara you're as thick as mince.

Why do people think no children = immature and never had a committed relationship?

There are plenty of people who just don't want children. It doesn't mean they've never had a long term relationship or been married and it certainly has nothing to do with maturity.

@childrenofthestones - watched this recently (missed it first time round!) and it is brilliant . We even went on a trip to Avebury the other week to reenact the programme

Sorry - that has nothing to do with the thread.

I think lots of blokes in their 40s are hopeful of a family. I think there are a fair few around who haven’t any baggage. Perhaps it’s regional? I think in metropolitan areas people settle down later so there are more likely older blokes on the loose than out in the sticks (like here) where people seem to marry and start families quite early.