Partner just pissed on the kitchen floor

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

We have a downstairs toilet, it was less than 3 steps away. He's fucking pissed on the kitchen floor. Now he's trying to sleep on the sofa while I pacify his daughter (who ou love dearly!) because he put her to bed at 5.

Keep getting "why you being mardy"

"Babe what's up"

"Why you being off with me?"

Well perhaps it's because I'm parenting tour child while you claim exhaustion b the sofa. And to think this moron is begging me to have a baby with him 😂 give me strength!!!!!!!!!!

Tell him it’s over, return his things, change the locks. It’s that simple. What he does afterwards is not your concern. He’s a grown man who should be able to take care of himself.

He does stupid shit like kick my leg as we are watching tv, I pull him up on it and he goes on like I'm over reacting. Is that gas lighting

Yes it’s gaslighting, and it is also part of a pattern of emotional abuse.

I hear you when you say that you fear your anxiety... but on the other hand you will almost certainly find that your anxiety subsided once you are not living with an emotional, physical and financial abuser.

Talk to your friend and ask her to support you through this emotionally.

Also are you getting help from your GP with your anxiety?

You have so many positives in your life OP: your house, a good job that you love, your lovely Dd. Don’t let this man undermine your strengths.

You will have more money and more peace of mind without him.

He had the wherewithal to get housing for himself. If he has motivation to see his Dd he will sort himself out.

Don’t drag down your DD’s life because of his failings.

His DC also has a loving Mum that will be enough for her, less exposure to her abusive Dad and being taught that it's ok to be treated badly by a man is in her best interests.

Be strong you can do it this time

I definitely think that you should stay put and ask him to leave. You run the risk of him trashing your place otherwise.
He feels that he deserves your house, your money, your body and your care. I think all of us on this thread know that he doesn't.
In the bin with him OP. Don't worry about him - he'll either find another sap to leech off of or he will sort himself out.

Come on OP. You have to stop this. Enough is enough.
You don't have to provide him, or anyone else, with a long list of reasons. You want it to end. that's enough. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.
Change the locks, chuck him out, block his number. end of.
Yes, you may feel very anxious and unsettled for a while...but then...things will get better. You and your children deserve a happy future.

I'm drinking. Just in despair. I just want to get away. I would contact women's aid but

1) if feel guilty
2) why should me and my daughters give up our home
3) my complaints are an embarrassment to women being badly abused on a daily basis

I do love him, but I'm so desperately u happy. I just don't know what to do

1 - Contact Women's Aid.
2 - You are being horribly abused.
3 - They will help you to kick him out - you do not have to give up your home.
4 - They will help you learn how to stop doing this toxic, self defeating thing you call love. You need therapy. They can refer you to exactly what sort of therapy you need.
5 - Ask yourself, Why should me and my daughters share our home with this disgusting, selfish, abusive, waste of time and space?

6 - Stop drinking.

And by the way:
7 - The mother of his little girl needs to step up and protect her daughter from the abusive drunk who is her father. It is in this little girl's best interests to have as little to do with him as possible.
None of this ^^ is your responsibility. They can sort this problem out themselves. It is not your problem.

Ultimately we will have a debate and I'll sit thinking how much I don't want it but the.mn morning comes and I think I've over reacted. Of all the shit he's done, the thought of being intimate with him makes me feel things I shouldn't.

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits - Why are you talking to him?????
No more debates. Are you asking his advice on why the relationship should continue? His advice on how reasonable or unreasonable you are?
This is nonsense. Stop talking to him about the relationship and how he needs to change. Stop talking to him about your feelings.
He.Does.Not.care.
It all sounds like 'blah blah blah blah there she goes again' to him, and he amuses himself by putting you in your place as soon as you shut up.

There are plenty of other men out there who would be able to offer you a really life-enhancing relationship, not the shitty one you have settled for because of very low self esteem.

Op in the kindest way possible what the fuck are you doing?

Have I read it right that you dropped your daughter at your mums, went back home and got pissed with him (before he ripped your trousers and you fell out)???

He doesn't deserve to see his child as he can't even stay fucking sober to parent her.

You have a good job a house and children who need a mum, not a pissed up headless chicken. Please get that waster out of your house and sort yourself out, this is shocking.

You keep saying you feel guilty. It doesn't make sense that you do, but feelings often don't make sense, they just are what they are. The sensible thing to do is to say to yourself "I know I feel this, but it is just a feeling, it doesn't MEAN anything"; LTB (is he a grown-ass man or what, are his options really limited to bullying a girlfriend or living with his alcoholic mum?); and get yourself some major psychotherapy so you can ditch this completely negative and unhelpful emotion.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to enjoy your life. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT not to be responsible for someone else who has just decided to batten on you and take your things and your body for his own use. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to be on your own, not looking after someone who actually DOES NOT NEED LOOKING AFTER.

As for finding a better man: well, how can you ever do that if you're still tied to this one? Break free! Give yourself a chance! You say you're fine on your own, but if you do feel the need for male company later - well, then is the time to go and find some. There are quite a lot of men in the world, and a lot of them are a lot nicer than the one you are currently allowing to maul you about just in case one day you might be alone, or worse, one day HE might be alone and it would all be your fault

Seriously - counselling - the sooner the better. Honestly. You're too nice for this. Actually, even if you were the original bitch cow from hell you still don't deserve poor treatment.

I am listening, really I am. Regardless of it all I'm wasting both our time. We are not compatible. He doesn't make me happy. I'm sure some will say it's a bad move but I've just booked 5 days away with my older daughter, just me and her, the younger one is away with her nan for the same amount of time. My eldest needs quality time with me, so it works out well. So tomorrow I'll go to work, come home and pack our case, go to my friends house with our air beds (Jesus wept!) and then away for 5 days. I'll be asking him to have left by then. Will deal with what's left when I get back. I've had enough.

I just want to be happy. I genuinely feel so self absorbed saying that but bloody hell ive had enough of it all. Questions all the fucking time. He's even been saying he'll come to work with me. It's just too much. I want my home and freedom back

I want to watch what I want, when I want. I want to be able to read a book without being moaned at to watch something shit on tv with him. I don't do anything I like doing at home anymore. I just can't be fucking arsed. I do love him and it'll be a massive adjustment not having him here but ultimately I think perhaps I'm just a person that likes her own space, her own rules, her own decisions. I miss being in control.... is that bad?

Why do you think he'll be gone when you get back?

WHY do you 'love' him?

He's a shit excuse for a human being. Seriously, what's to love?

That sounds like a great plan OP you can do it!

Omg I remember this thread from weeks ago. So nothings changed then?

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits

I want to watch what I want, when I want. I want to be able to read a book without being moaned at to watch something shit on tv with him. I don't do anything I like doing at home anymore. I just can't be fucking arsed. I do love him and it'll be a massive adjustment not having him here but ultimately I think perhaps I'm just a person that likes her own space, her own rules, her own decisions. I miss being in control.... is that bad?

You can have all of that. You can have peace, fun, happiness and a healthy relationship with your girls.

But only if you tell him to get out.

You must speak with WA to help you find the strength to do this and not waiver. You owe it to your children. They don't deserve to live in this environment.

@GoldfishParade I hope you're right.

I feel a fraud. I feel I'm moaning about something daft. I don't want to contact women's aid because this all feels so trivial. This is MY house, I have my own money. I am strong enough deep down to reclaim all that is mine. He replaced most of my stuff with his when he moved In so I expect a shit show when we return (ie lots of things gone) but I will deal with it as I always do. Now I'm back to work I earn a lot more than him. Low and behold he says he shouldn't contribute to the house anymore as I have more money. I get it... but I also don't

You think somehow you are wrong or not suited to sharing your life with someone because you want space, to make your own decisions etc.

Seriously no one would want to be with someone that is the leech he is!!!

He wants you to pay for and provide everything including parenting his child.

There is nothing wrong with what you want, please do the Freedom Programme so you don't settle for someone that abuses you again.

I was you, I left him and my life is 100 times better. Best of luck your doing the right thing and don't let him scare you or guilt you into changing your mind the first couple of months are the hardest due to emotional fatigue but even then it's still better than before. Remember you deserve better than him!

No, kick him out before you go away. Otherwise how do you know you won't come home to a bloody squatter, or he's trashed your house? Kick him out, get the keys and have the locks changed before you leave.

Absolutely unacceptable. He has no respect for his daughter, you, or himself. This is the kind of thing that will be very hard to recover from emotionally. Once disgust and/or contempt seeps into a relationship, it's time to leave. It's a poison that won't shift. And can you imagine if there was some kind of medical emergency? Completely undependable. You really deserve better, and so does the little one. I would tell the mum too, especially if this kind of behaviour is a common occurance - she has a right to know if her daughter is at risk.

Also, please don't confuse love with dependency. I have been in your position, and you really can have all the things you want. But they won't just come to you, you have to take a degree of control of your own situation, as difficult as that may seem. Imagine your life continuing as it is at the moment in 5, 10 years. Now THAT is hard, THAT is scary. Leaving, that will be a temporary pain. Staying, you're condemning yourself to a fate and a future that you already know, and are already dreading. Stuff that. Live, while you are alive.

You're entitled to end the relationship in the manner you see fit. If leaving and telling him to be gone when you get back and then dealing with the aftermath works for you, then so be it.

BUT what guarantee do you have that he'll actually leave? A man as shitty as he is might just decide 'I'm not leaving', especially if no one is there to make them.

Is there anyone around who can keep an eye on the house whilst you're gone and let you know if they've seen 'moving out' activity? At the very least you're going to want to know if he's actually left before you walk in the front door.

He has set you on fire. That is worthy of Women’s Aid’s help, I promise you.