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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner just pissed on the kitchen floor

613 replies

fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 05/09/2020 03:39

We have a downstairs toilet, it was less than 3 steps away. He's fucking pissed on the kitchen floor. Now he's trying to sleep on the sofa while I pacify his daughter (who ou love dearly!) because he put her to bed at 5.

Keep getting "why you being mardy"

"Babe what's up"

"Why you being off with me?"

Well perhaps it's because I'm parenting tour child while you claim exhaustion b the sofa. And to think this moron is begging me to have a baby with him 😂 give me strength!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
TracyMosby · 30/09/2020 20:31

The other way of looking at it is that you’re children are not aware that there is anything wrong, because they are being raised in an environment to believe abuse is right and normal.

TracyMosby · 30/09/2020 20:31

Your. Hmm blumming autocorrect.

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 08/10/2020 21:23

To be quite frank. I don't fancy the man. We both deserve more than that regardless of everything else

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 08/10/2020 21:50

OP I've followed this & your other threads, initially with enormous sympathy.

But while appreciating how horrendous a situation this must be & I know it's not as easy as 'just ending it', your posts are v concerning.

I am finding them hard to believe at this point - you are worried about not fancying him. That's the issue??

Are you drinking at the moment?

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 08/10/2020 22:45

I'm drinking. Just in despair. I just want to get away. I would contact women's aid but

  1. if feel guilty
  2. why should me and my daughters give up our home
  3. my complaints are an embarrassment to women being badly abused on a daily basis

I do love him, but I'm so desperately u happy. I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 08/10/2020 22:45

I'm NOT drinking **

OP posts:
Canyousewcushions · 08/10/2020 22:52

You need to do it. You need to make sure you know what your rights are so you can plan. Just because he's not beating you to a pulp every night doesn't mean this relationship is healthy.

You can do it, I promise.

Jokie · 08/10/2020 23:23

You don't have to move you and your daughter out. It's your home. You kick him out. Tell him you need space, then change the locks

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 09/10/2020 00:50

No, you and your Dd should not lose your home! You stay put, he goes!

What do you love about him?

You don’t fancy him, you don’t like his behaviour, He harms you physically... is it habit?

AcrossthePond55 · 09/10/2020 01:01

It's your house, you said so. And IIRC you are not married to this waste.

This is a serious question, I'm not trying to be goady. Why do you think you and DD should leave your house, a house he has no legal rights to?

AcrossthePond55 · 09/10/2020 01:03

Forgot...and don't think you aren't being 'badly abused on a daily basis'. You are. Abuse takes many forms, not just physical. The fact that you are afraid to kick him out speaks of abuse in and of itself. If you weren't afraid of him you'd tell him to GFTO.

PolkadotGiraffe · 09/10/2020 02:40

Reading this makes me so sad. My mother did this with my step father. Let him be abusive and pretended it wasn't happening. It damaged all of her children for life. It's time to put a stop to this OP. Yes, it's difficult. But many have to do it in much more challenging circumstances. You will keep your home. Your children will be protected. You will be protected. It's a no brainer. There is no excuse for continuing to expose your daughters to this. You are their mother, you need to protect them and put them first.

PolkadotGiraffe · 09/10/2020 02:43

And believe me, your daughters do know. Every day that passes this situation is damaging them. Please put a stop to it. You can. You just have to make the decision.

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 13/10/2020 22:50

I've gone back to work now after being off for a year with anxiety and looking for something that suits I have a great job now, I'm part of a study to assess the spread and circumstances of coronavirus. Bloods and swabs etc. Low and behold he wants to stop contributing to the house hold and has said he wants me to help towards his credit card debt. He has helped me here and there but I can't help but think it's wrong that he lives here in my Boise for fuck all. I'm so sick of it. I don't want it. I'm like a broken record

Please help me

OP posts:
TeaLibrary · 13/10/2020 22:55

You need to put an end to this relationship OP. Hes an abusive bastard who will continue to leech from you if you let him. Why the hell would you pay towards his debts or let him continue to live in your house without contributing. Ask him to leave and ring the police if he refuses to go.

PolkadotGiraffe · 13/10/2020 23:09

OP everybody has been trying to help you. Posters have offered support and said again and again that you should finish this relationship. But ultimately it is you that has to do it.

Nanny0gg · 13/10/2020 23:49

What help do you want?

RandomMess · 14/10/2020 00:01

People will support you.

What is stopping you telling him to move out? You can have the police remove him if need be.

Why do you think you shouldn't/can't?

What makes you afraid of ending it?

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 14/10/2020 00:37

I'm not afraid to end it. Ultimately we will have a debate and I'll sit thinking how much I don't want it but the.mn morning comes and I think I've over reacted. Of all the shit he's done, the thought of being intimate with him makes me feel things I shouldn't.

I feel bad because if I end it he has to go back to his mum who is an alcoholic. This impacts on his ex allowing him to see his daughter. I know I should set this thought aside but I'm not heartless, I feel bad

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 14/10/2020 00:38

I've booked a lock Smith for tomorrow and asked my friend if I can stay with her a day or two. I suffer with anxiety and I know that doing this will send it into overdrive. That's my biggest worry

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 14/10/2020 00:41

I think he's gas lighting me. He does stupid shit like kick my leg as we are watching tv, I pull him up on it and he goes on like I'm over reacting. Is that gas lighting? I feel as though it's this or I just disappear one day with the help of womens aid. But I feel a coward and nasty person if I go that route.

OP posts:
theblackparade · 14/10/2020 02:15

A man who sets people on fire shouldn’t have access to children, full stop. Why don’t you want to be “nasty” to him? He has been more than nasty to you.

PolkadotGiraffe · 14/10/2020 02:47

It's your house OP. In the nicest possible way, just kick him out!! Why are you letting this man being around your children? You will regret it forever if you don't summon the strength to do this. I have diagnosed anxiety and take medication for it every day. It is no excuse. You must protect your children. Enough talking, just tell him to leave. Nobody here can help you if you won't do this.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/10/2020 03:03

You need to start thinking about YOU YOU YOU!. Not him, not his mum, not his ex, not his child. YOU. And DD of course.

You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of consideration. You are worthy of peace. You get NONE of this from him and you never will.

You owe him nothing. Not one thing. And his problems are his problems. He created them, he can deal with them. You are not responsible.

Get the locks changed. Bag his stuff and take it to his mum's. And then send him a text message telling him where he can get it. Then block him.

RandomMess · 14/10/2020 07:54

He is not your problem.

From what you have written about him I think it's in his DC best interests that the see very little of him - he is emotionally abusing you and she is witnessing that pattern, that poor little girl!!

He is an adult he can find a house share or save up and rent a place - not your problem.

Think about YOU and your DD, you and DD deserve a loving peaceful home. Put your oxygen mask on before thinking of others.

Best thing you can DD for his DC is get in touch with her Mum and tell her about the way he behaves around her.

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