Partner just pissed on the kitchen floor

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

We have a downstairs toilet, it was less than 3 steps away. He's fucking pissed on the kitchen floor. Now he's trying to sleep on the sofa while I pacify his daughter (who ou love dearly!) because he put her to bed at 5.

Keep getting "why you being mardy"

"Babe what's up"

"Why you being off with me?"

Well perhaps it's because I'm parenting tour child while you claim exhaustion b the sofa. And to think this moron is begging me to have a baby with him 😂 give me strength!!!!!!!!!!

This man is a nasty piece of work. Get out OP

@myhobbyisouting
The kids saw him abuse her??!

I know. I feel dreadful. But please be assured my daughters know nothing of this. I get that you all want to cast judgement etc but please know that if it wasn't for my girls I wouldn't be who I am now, they are my strength.

In terms of him, he fucks me off to the point I think fuck it I'm done but then he does or says something that leaves me thinking I've been daft. I feel ever so down

What sort of thing does he say that lures you back?

My earliest memory is my mother holding a butcher knife to keep back my drunk father.

I 100% guarantee that your children see more than you realize. They know the tension. They know when things are starting to escalate again. They absolutely know when you are upset and bundle them into a taxi to head to grandma’s. There is a decent chance they are already tempering their own behavior to avoid setting things off.

Blunt question but do you think your DDs are stupid? I bet not. Then why do you lie to yourself that they know nothing when they are 4yrs not 4 months. Of course they know. They see what happens, they see your upset and reactions. Simply being with a man who abuses his own DD makes you a shitty awful mother quite honestly. You are placing yourself and your DDs at risk for this horrible man. I get that they can be charismatic and lure you back but how long do you think it will be until Ss get in, bring in a child protection plan or start removal proceedings once his DD or yours start to talk about what is happening.

OP how do you know your daughters know nothing? I could tell when something was up with my mum (my parents were divorced when I was young and although I saw my dad a lot I lived with mum so knew her more) and I am not even talking a major thing just something very little, I knew instantly

It's good you've spoken to your mum. Hopefully she can help you see that you're not overreacting. FWIW, any reason or none is a good enough reason to leave a relationship. You don't need to justify it to anyone.

When you're free of him and the dust has settled, I would put a call in to your step daughter's mum or even childline/social services just to explain that you've been looking after SD as her dad has a drinking problem and you're calling because now you've left him you're worried she might come to harm under his sole care.

*NSPCC, rather than childline.

but then he does or says something that leaves me thinking I've been daft

So he gaslights you?

But please be assured my daughters know nothing of this.

I think you should be assured that your daughters (and his own poor, poor little girl) will be experiencing all of this and worse as they grow older.

If you think this man is going to draw a line at abusing you in every way, think again. You are not going to be the only victim here. It's not a matter of 'if'. The only question is 'when'.

Why oh why are you staying with him, no matter all the good advice you get on MN, you're still not making an exit strategy.

I ended it with my ex in March and being alone has been wonderful.

Never make a decision based on fear 'scared I won't make anyone else at my age'. Love blossoms at any age.

Leave him and be happy.

fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits

Your not beaten and you will leave. The seed that you want to finish this is there. He needs to get out of your house.

Sorry if I’ve missed it but are you renting or is your house mortgaged?

What has your mother and friends said? Are you getting support?

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits

I know. I feel dreadful. But please be assured my daughters know nothing of this. I get that you all want to cast judgement etc but please know that if it wasn't for my girls I wouldn't be who I am now, they are my strength.

In terms of him, he fucks me off to the point I think fuck it I'm done but then he does or says something that leaves me thinking I've been daft. I feel ever so down

Incan assure you, children growing up In abusive homes DO know.

And please, dont make Four year olds your strength. You should be the strong one. Youre the adult. You're the one with choices. You need to be strong and protect them.

You're deluding yourself if you think your DDs aren't being impacted by what's happening in their home. They're being conditioned into thinking this is normal and they'll end up in abusive relationships themselves. They need to know that their father's behaviour is unacceptable.

You also don't know that he won't abuse your DDs. My DM had no idea that my F was sexually abusing my DSis and me. He's capable of treating you like a piece of meat, so he's potentially capable of doing the same to them.

Or if not SA (which is thankfully rare), then he will without doubt abuse them in other ways. As he's doing to your DSD, by making her go to bed at 5pm and then wake up starving at 4am. That is blatant neglect. (Does their mum know? You were asked this before and didn't answer, as I recall. She really needs to know so that she can protect her DD from this man.)

You really must stop prioritising your abusive partner over your DDs.

Then DO something about it. I can understand why your mum was furious , you obviously just go back. You think your DD wont remember fleeing in a taxi ? She will . Poor child.

OP, I can tell you really care for your children. You have been really brave to post on here and tell us about what is happening for you. Nobody deserves to feel scared and powerless.
I didn't read it anywhere in your posts but have you confided in anyone in real life about what's happening?

Your kids will know. They may not be able to articulate it yet. But they will know. Trust me, have been that child.

I feel like I have said all I can on here now, so will let everyone else with more patience than me to carry on.

1. OP he sexually assaults you
2. Makes you doubt yourself because he says it's a joke
3. You have 3 little girls that rely on you for stability and safety and and you chose to stay with someone who rips your clothes off
4. Yet in spite of all of the above, you stay with him because you feel bad for him

i really hope your mum steps in, or his exP does, because you really need to get a grip. Loads of posters on here have supported you and are rooting for you, but you need to do something to get rid of him. Feel bad about it, get therapy, do what the hell you like, but get him out of the lives of 2 young impressionable girls.

FFS I thought you were leaving him?!

Your poor children, this is no environment for them to grow up in. I hope for their sake you change your mind.

OP you've started at least 3 threads about how unhappy you are with this bloke; on 30th March, 28th August and 5th September. You've been given excellent advice and support but it's now 30th September and you've still done fuck all to make yours and your children's lives better. Kick yourself up the arse, stop talking about what you need to do and just do it! Or maybe just start your the next thread about him with, "I just want to moan, don't want to do anything, so don't bother trying to help"

OP.

In March you said he:

• Held a lighter to your crotch
• Has repeatedly, for a long time, ripped your underwear and other clothing clean off you
• Split your nipple from pulling it so hard
• Made you cry in both shock and pain on multiple occasions

Then in August you said:

• I'm probably holding on because he's good to me.

If you can say the latter even after the former then your children are not safe in your care. That's how poor your judgment is and how skewed your thinking is. I don't doubt that's due to your previous abusive relationship and this current abusive relationship, but the cause doesn't matter when you have children in the home.

In YOUR HOME. It's not even his and you don't have shared kids.

He is abusive and you're allowing your girls to grow up in an abusive house, which doesn't even belong to the man you're with and you call him "lovely" on here despite that list of things he has done / is doing?!

Wake up. I'm sorry but you're letting them down hugely and every day you stay in this relationship is another day they're learning this is what a relationship looks like and are more likely to replicate it as adults.

People on all the threads have told you, whenever you've said that your girls DO feel what's going on and will be affected by it. You've told them that's wrong. Despite the fact those posters have been through it themselves both from your side and the child's side.

So what are you going to do? It is purely selfish to stay with him and I'm sorry to say that because I do appreciate it's an abusive situation. But it is. You're putting him before your kids. You 100% are. So they aren't your everything, their security and safety is worth less to you than his feelings currently. That's what your actions indicate.

You are in an incredibly fortunate position compared to many people who want to leave a partner. You have your own home and no shared children. Which I'm sorry but means you have no excuse to stay with him, at all.

So what's the plan? Why aren't you making a plan? Call the police, tell them you're going to end an abusive relationship and want them to know the day in case you call them if he kicks off, send the kids to your mum for that day, tell him it's over and that if he won't leave the house you'll call the police to ensure he does. Or ask the police to be there in advance and just have them show up and remove him. They will do it because he is abusive, I've known police do this in similar situations.

You are currently putting him and you before your children.

So what's the plan?

Typo, was meant to say:

People on all the threads have told you, whenever you've said that your girls aren't affected or aware that they DO feel what's going on and will be affected by it. You've told them that's wrong. Despite the fact those posters have been through it themselves both from your side and the child's side.

*In March you said he:

• Held a lighter to your crotch
• Has repeatedly, for a long time, ripped your underwear and other clothing clean off you
• Split your nipple from pulling it so hard
• Made you cry in both shock and pain on multiple occasions*

Bloody hell OP you need help in getting him out of your life. Tell some one you need help.

Biscuits: you have been clear about how unhappy you are.

What help or support or change in your own feelings or mindset do YOU think would help you to finish it with him and be able to live in relaxation with your kids in your house?

We are all making suggestions: from your POV what kind of help might help?