Would I be unreasonable to ask bride to reconsider mixed up seating plan?

[LockdownDowner]

Just found out that a family wedding I will be attending is going to have a seating plan where everyone is being mixed up to sit next to people they don't know. I have been to a few weddings like this and they have all been really hard going and resulted in people moving around anyway to talk to their own friends and family groups. One of my children has special needs and I had assumed we would be sat with our close family so that dc would be more settled and family could help manage them.
DC not good with strangers or change, sitting with strangers is going to be a nightmare and not fair on the others on the table who may be uncomfortable with dc who has poor social skills and boundaries.
Bride is a close relative and very understanding of dc and their needs but seems to have overlooked the seating issue.
WIBU to mention it to her, I would normally go along with whatever the bride wants but this has the potentiol to disrupt her reception and mean us having to take dc out. Wedding is still in the early planning stages, venue has just been booked, tables are for 8 and we will be travelling to the wedding with four close relatives so could easily be accommodated together on one table.

Yolio: 'Marriages should be private.

Have the party after, preferably five years later. No one really cares IMV.

Gifts welcome of course. Ends up better value than attending. LOL.'

I actually have quite a bit of sympathy for your view, on thinking about it! Especially as in 5 years' time, it would be clearer whether a marriage is likely to last. And, even according to the most pessimistic predictions, the Covid crisis should be over by then!

It's quite fascinating how some people seem to think that this autistic child should be pushed out of his protective bubble, and that the only problem would be potentially inappropriate comments to strangers.

The OP has pointed out that it would send his anxiety sky-high, which is likely to induce a meltdown at some point, to say nothing of having his parents and sibling on high alert throughout the reception. And then if he does have a meltdown, how much fun is that going to be for the rest of the guests? Or for the OP? And, ultimately, for the B&G themselves - depending on the level of meltdown it could be rather disruptive to their social mixer.

Wider picture, people - it's not about people "bending over backwards for the coddled autistic child".
FFS.

@ddl1

Whether certain people are 'rude' or not, they do seem to be quite callously dismissive of the problems of people with invisible disabilities (or possibly all disabilities). The implication is that they or their parents are just spoilt brats who are demanding that others 'bend over backwards'. This is completely unfair.

Somebody's wedding plans do not trump other people's significant disabilities or health problems. You have a choice about the details of your wedding plans. You don't have a choice about having a disability. You can't tell your child, 'oh, could you please not be autistic just for today - it's your cousin's wedding!'

So a bride and groom - or the hosts of any sort of event - have two choices: they can make reasonable adjustments for their guests (as the bride in this case has finally agreed to do); or they can accept that some of their family members will not attend. Unfortunately the sort of people who resent being asked for accommodations at such an event are often also the same people who will take offence at anyone who doesn't attend: 'I will never forgive my aunt and uncle for not coming to my wedding, just because of their autistic son!'

Superbly put.

I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all OP! The people calling you for bringing this up with the bride clearly have no experience with being the parent of a child with SEN / ASD etc, lucky them, but maybe they should exercise a bit more compassion and understanding. Even with no SN a mixed seating arrangement sounds so awkward and cringey 😬
Great news your niece has reconsidered and your son is lucky to have a mum like you in his corner. X

Very well said

@LockdownDowner

Update.

Bride has had a rethink and agreed we will all be sat together.

Really pleased she changed her mind