Page 18 | Would I be unreasonable to ask bride to reconsider mixed up seating plan?

LockdownDowner · 2020-09-03T10:44:19+00:00

Just found out that a family wedding I will be attending is going to have a seating plan where everyone is being mixed up to sit next to people they don't know. I have been to a few weddings like this and they have all been really hard going and resulted in people moving around anyway to talk to their own friends and family groups. One of my children has special needs and I had assumed we would be sat with our close family so that dc would be more settled and family could help manage them. DC not good with strangers or change, sitting with strangers is going to be a nightmare and not fair on the others on the table who may be uncomfortable with dc who has poor social skills and boundaries. Bride is a close relative and very understanding of dc and their needs but seems to have overlooked the seating issue. WIBU to mention it to her, I would normally go along with whatever the bride wants but this has the potentiol to disrupt her reception and mean us having to take dc out. Wedding is still in the early planning stages, venue has just been booked, tables are for 8 and we will be travelling to the wedding with four close relatives so could easily be accommodated together on one table.

ipswichwitch · 04/09/2020 20:33

And as for “focus most of her attention on her autistic DC to reassure them”, do you not think this is what parents of DC with SEN spend an awful lot of their time doing anyway? And people wonder why I look so tired

cuddlymunchkin · 04/09/2020 20:33

Your dc would be with you and you immediate family. Surely that's enough? It's HER wedding. You are disrupting all of this by talking and bitching about the table plans with all of your extended family. You want everything your own way. And oh look, when it's slightly not your own way (so your group of 4 all sitting together but not your extra extended family members) you dramatically refuse to go and encourage other family not to go either. Nasty.

Original poster

LockdownDowner · 04/09/2020 20:35

Update.

Bride has had a rethink and agreed we will all be sat together.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 04/09/2020 20:36

Nasty.

Your comprehension is outstandingly poor.

7yo7yo · 04/09/2020 20:39

I’m glad your niece has accommodated your DC OP.
It’s really hard but your a great advocate for your child.
At least you can enjoy the wedding!

NameChangeOctober · 04/09/2020 20:42

I'm so glad to hear this and really feel for you with all the unhelpful posts on this thread; I also understand the exhaustion and isolation that comes from the endless planning.

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2020 20:46

@cuddlymunchkin

Your dc would be with you and you immediate family. Surely that's enough? It's HER wedding. You are disrupting all of this by talking and bitching about the table plans with all of your extended family. You want everything your own way. And oh look, when it's slightly not your own way (so your group of 4 all sitting together but not your extra extended family members) you dramatically refuse to go and encourage other family not to go either. Nasty.

You really don't have a clue, do you ?

Thank goodness the bride is a lot kinder than you are.

Original poster

LockdownDowner · 04/09/2020 20:47

@cuddlymunchkin

Your dc would be with you and you immediate family. Surely that's enough? It's HER wedding. You are disrupting all of this by talking and bitching about the table plans with all of your extended family. You want everything your own way. And oh look, when it's slightly not your own way (so your group of 4 all sitting together but not your extra extended family members) you dramatically refuse to go and encourage other family not to go either. Nasty.

Your lack of empathy is outstanding! You obviously have no experience of disability! I hope that others treat you with the same amount of empathy you have displayed on this thread.

OP posts:

Catwaving · 04/09/2020 20:51

So boring sitting with someone else's work mates or aunties urrrggghhhhh

Joodleoodle · 04/09/2020 20:53

I'm glad your niece has had a chance to reconsider. My DGS are autistic. For one this would be his ideal situation (maybe not the other guests though ). He talks to absolutely anyone. We have had the stranger danger chat but to him a stranger is someone who's name you don’t know so he asks then they are his friend not a stranger!!! However, for his twin, this would be his idea of hell. His anxiety would be through the roof and he wouldn't be able to cope. I love working with children and young adults with ASD. Their honesty is great. I am overweight and they will tell me I'm fat or they don't like my clothes but, they also tell me they love me, I'm beautiful and my hair smells lovely. For everyone who thinks it's easy to care for a child with ASD, you're wrong. For everyone who has a problem with these children, you are missing so much. A child with autism is a gift like no other.

Notonthestairs · 04/09/2020 20:53

That's great news Op. I hope everyone thoroughly enjoys the wedding.

I think lots of people have posted without the experience of living with and caring for those with disabilities.

This thread has reminded me of the many, many weddings I attended when single (single for a looooong time). I spent two weddings on the children's table. The most difficult was the one where I was sat between a sweet but shy 4 year old and had an 18 month old on the other side (stressed out mum of 3 on her other side). Still enjoyed myself but had the benefit of wine to myself 😁

wildcherries · 04/09/2020 20:55

@cuddlymunchkin

Your dc would be with you and you immediate family. Surely that's enough? It's HER wedding. You are disrupting all of this by talking and bitching about the table plans with all of your extended family. You want everything your own way. And oh look, when it's slightly not your own way (so your group of 4 all sitting together but not your extra extended family members) you dramatically refuse to go and encourage other family not to go either. Nasty.

Spectacularly clueless.

I'm glad to read bride had a rethink, OP.

DianasLasso · 04/09/2020 20:56

@LockdownDowner

Update.

Bride has had a rethink and agreed we will all be sat together.

Oh thank heavens for that! (Hopefully she will have a think about your aunt too).

So glad you can all go, and a family rift has been avoided.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 04/09/2020 20:57

Glad to see your update.

How anyone would not take special needs such as the OP's into consideration beggars belief. Thank goodness she's seen the light.

OpenlyGayExOlympicFencer · 04/09/2020 21:05

@cuddlymunchkin

Your dc would be with you and you immediate family. Surely that's enough? It's HER wedding. You are disrupting all of this by talking and bitching about the table plans with all of your extended family. You want everything your own way. And oh look, when it's slightly not your own way (so your group of 4 all sitting together but not your extra extended family members) you dramatically refuse to go and encourage other family not to go either. Nasty.

Fail.

Todaywewilldobetter · 04/09/2020 21:09

@cuddlymunchkin

Your dc would be with you and you immediate family. Surely that's enough? It's HER wedding. You are disrupting all of this by talking and bitching about the table plans with all of your extended family. You want everything your own way. And oh look, when it's slightly not your own way (so your group of 4 all sitting together but not your extra extended family members) you dramatically refuse to go and encourage other family not to go either. Nasty.

What a vile outlook on life.

Glad to hear your update, OP

myrtleWilson · 04/09/2020 21:12

@cuddlymunchkin

Your dc would be with you and you immediate family. Surely that's enough? It's HER wedding. You are disrupting all of this by talking and bitching about the table plans with all of your extended family. You want everything your own way. And oh look, when it's slightly not your own way (so your group of 4 all sitting together but not your extra extended family members) you dramatically refuse to go and encourage other family not to go either. Nasty.

One of the most clueless posts on here - your lack of comprehension and empathy shines out of every word

OP - am so pleased she's had a re-think....

pearpickingporky84 · 04/09/2020 21:32

I’m really glad you got sorted OP but I’m so sorry for all the crap you’ve had to read on this thread written by people who don't have a clue what it’s like to be the parent of an autistic child! I have an 8 year old autistic DS, he goes to mainstream school and copes well in a lot of situations but sitting with strangers at a wedding would definitely be very difficult for him and us, I can’t believe how few people seem to understand that!

pearpickingporky84 · 04/09/2020 21:38

Actually come to think of it we had that situation a few years ago, he hadn’t been diagnosed yet and wasn’t as nervous of strangers as he is now but was 4 weeks post-partum with his brother and breastfeeding. DS1 ran off several times because he knew his grandparents and aunts were about, at one stage we lost him completely and thought he’d escaped from the venue, which was situated between a dark country road and a lake! The whole day was incredibly stressful and being seated with family would have made a world of difference that day!

AmelieTaylor · 04/09/2020 21:44

@LockdownDowner

I'm sorry to hear your DS struggles so much (and how difficult things can be for you)

You've had some horrible replies, please don't think everyone is as nasty or clueless!

I wouldn't be phased by your DS, I'd be bracing myself for some home truths I might not want to hear 🤣 but I have experience and it would be ok. However, many people are clueless & it would be incredibly stressful for ALL concerned.

I wonder who what made her have a 'rethink'? I'm surprised she needed it pointing out to her given she knows your DC well. I would be hurt & cross too! How old is she?

Iloveacurry · 04/09/2020 21:51

That’s great op. Pleased she’s had a rethink.

Original poster

LockdownDowner · 04/09/2020 21:56

The rethink was most likely prompted by the realisation that we wouldn't come and the knock on effect that would have on my parents and aunt. They are really shocked at her lack of understanding and probably wouldn't have gone either.
She has said that seating us all together isn't what she wanted but she will have to do it!

OP posts:

EnjoyingTheSilence · 04/09/2020 21:56

Glad your niece has rethought the plans and everyone is able to go. I know it’s not til next year but have a fabulous time 😁

BessMarvin · 04/09/2020 21:59

@LockdownDowner

The rethink was most likely prompted by the realisation that we wouldn't come and the knock on effect that would have on my parents and aunt. They are really shocked at her lack of understanding and probably wouldn't have gone either. She has said that seating us all together isn't what she wanted but she will have to do it!

It's good news. I wonder why she is so fixated on mixing everyone up though? Why is it what she really wants so much for her big day that it's already been planned so far in advance?

OhCaptain · 04/09/2020 22:10

@LockdownDowner

The rethink was most likely prompted by the realisation that we wouldn't come and the knock on effect that would have on my parents and aunt. They are really shocked at her lack of understanding and probably wouldn't have gone either. She has said that seating us all together isn't what she wanted but she will have to do it!

I mean it’s good news but hardly gracious.

I suppose it’s a year away but I don’t know - I’d feel a bit uncomfortable now that she felt the need to point out that she didn’t want to do it!